


Hope

by gorgeousbowneyes



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Depression, Dubious Consent, Established Relationship, M/M, Pregnancy, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-30
Updated: 2017-11-17
Packaged: 2018-09-20 21:43:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 48,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9517385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gorgeousbowneyes/pseuds/gorgeousbowneyes
Summary: STORY COMPLETE. What started as a family gathering for Christmas at the Burrow will end in dire consequences. Harry's life will change forever, for better or worse. Draco makes a life-changing mistake. And what's Ginny really up to anyway?





	1. Chapter One

**Chapter One**

 

_-_

 

_It’s those quiet, private moments where I think too much. In the shower, drifting off to sleep at night, waking with the sun in the early mornings. I think about what might have been, but will never be. It’s hard to shut down my mind in those quiet times. Peaceful moments are hard to find in this household, I should know. But still I manage to find them._

 

_As I lay here falling asleep, I remember that night with vivid clarity. It was a night that would change the course of my life forever. Ironic, I know; being Harry Potter I’ve had more than my fair share of these, yet this one cut me to the quick. I don’t know how any of us have managed to survive and move on from that night, but somehow we’ve managed to find a new course for ourselves._

 

-

 

 

“Alright, you’ve got it out of me, I’ll admit, these holidays have been pretty good.”

 

“Just good, Draco? Just good! They’ve been bloody brilliant and you know it. It’s been fantastic having everyone here and together again after five years.”

 

“Hmmm, well yes I suppose I could potentially concede that they have been more than just good. Come here,” Draco said as he pulled Harry in for a kiss.

 

“Can’t believe we have to go home and back to work in a week,” Harry sighed. He leaned back against Draco on the lounge. They were enjoying the warmth from the fire in the sitting room of the Burrow, surprisingly on their own while the rest of the household was readying for bed or cleaning up from dinner. Moments of peace and quiet had been rare this Christmas with the whole Weasley bunch home, as well as a plethora of other house guests for the holidays.

 

“Mmmm home to our nice king size bed and all the privacy we could hope for, I can’t say I’m not excited,” Draco said, nuzzling against Harry’s neck.

 

“Don’t be so melodramatic, it hasn’t been that bad here.” Harry swatted Draco away. Draco sighed and leaned back and away from him. “Besides, when we go home, we have to go back to being responsible adults who have jobs to go to every day.”

 

“I don’t know why we insist on putting ourselves through the hassle of working, we don’t really need to,” Draco drawled, stretching and yawning at the same time.

 

“Because what else are we going to do for the rest of our lives??”

 

“I can think of something,” Draco said cheekily.

 

“You are totally incorrigible tonight! Maybe tonight then – ” Harry broke off at the sounds of shouting from the hallway.

 

“RON, no, stop, I haven’t finished – ”

 

“Harry! Mum! Ginny! Dad! EVERYONE! Come quick I have the best news!” Ron was screaming as he burst into the sitting room. “Harry, Draco, there you are! Everyone get in here!”

 

“Ron, please, what is all this shouting about for, you’ll disrupt the soup,” Mrs Weasley exclaimed as she walked into the room, a trail of ginger-haired Weasleys following behind.

 

“Ron,” came Hermione’s desperate whisper, “Please don’t, I haven’t finished yet!”

 

“What are you talking about Hermione, what else could there be?”

 

At this stage the entire Weasley clan and their respective partners and children had made their way inside the sitting room, along with Luna and Seamus who had been staying for the last week, their one year old girl, Lavender, in tow. Neville the perpetual bachelor followed behind and Ginny entered last, Teddy trailing along behind her holding her hand.

 

“So much for our quiet time,” Draco whispered in Harry’s ear, and Harry barely suppressed a snigger.

 

“Ron, come back upstairs, please, I can’t, not here.” Hermione’s words drew Harry’s attention back to the commotion.

 

“Nonsense, Hermione, don’t worry, no one will be all that surprised!”

 

Harry felt Draco stiffen slightly. Hermione glanced in their direction and looked away quickly.

 

“Mum, everyone, Hermione’s pregnant!”

 

“Ron – ” but Hermione was cut off from saying anything further as she was swept up into a bear hug from Mrs. Weasley.

 

“Oh my goodness dear, it’s about time, I’ve been so looking forward to another addition to the Weasley clan,” Mrs Weasley exclaimed.

 

“Molly, please – ”

 

“Shhhh dear, it’s OK, you’re allowed to let everyone fuss,” Mrs Weasley exclaimed. There was an increase in volume as the women in the room started to gush and some of the men started to approach Ron and slap him on the back.

 

Harry stood up and walked towards Ron. He felt so pleased that his two best friends were finally starting a family. They had been married for two years, it was about time. Harry was about five paces from Ron in the cramped sitting room, surrounded by exultant family members, when Hermione finally burst.

 

“No! Ron, no! You didn’t let me finish!”  She started to cry. The noise in the room fell to a hush and all eyes were on Hermione.

 

“What do you mean, Hermione?” Ron asked.

 

“Ron, I’m so, so sorry,” she sobbed. “I am pregnant. Don’t make me say this here though.”

 

“What are you talking about, say what?”

 

“I – I can’t, Ron, please just come upstairs.” There was an awkward silence throughout the room, and Harry’s attention was fixed on the pair.  

 

“No. Just say whatever it is Hermione, what’s going on?”

 

She sobbed. “Ron, I’m so sorry. Please forgive me. Oh, Merlin, I can’t do this.”

 

“What is it?” Ron almost screamed.

 

“I... I’m not sure, I mean... there is a chance... that you’re not the... the father.”

 

Silence spread throughout the room, punctuated only by Hermione’s sobbing. Ron stood frozen.

 

Mrs. Weasley was the first to act, stepping into action and attempting to usher the family out of the room.

 

“Mum, no. Nobody move!” Ron almost screamed. “What do you mean, I’m not the father?”

 

“I didn’t say you definitely weren’t the father – ”  but Ron cut her off.

 

“Hermione!” Ron took a deep breath. He was slowly losing his cool, and Harry could see his best friend’s face start to crack. “Who else.”

 

Suddenly Hermione looked at Harry, and Ron turned to him.

 

“HARRY? You’ve got to be joking Hermione,” his voice almost hysterical. Harry looked alarmed at Hermione and Ron, back to Draco briefly and raised his hands in defence.

 

“Woah, woah, no way! I don’t know who mate, but it most definitely is  _not_  me. No way.” Harry glanced back at Draco, and saw a strange expression on his face. “I mean, come on, I don’t exactly swing that way anymore and I’m with Draco, seriously!” He walked back towards Draco, thinking to reassure his partner that nothing had happened.

 

“No, it’s not Harry,” Hermione whispered.

 

Harry turned back to them. “Exactly, not me.”

 

Hermione locked eyes with Harry. “Harry I’m so sorry, I can’t believe I’m begging for both your’s and Ron’s forgiveness. Please, please, Merlin, forgive me. Harry, I don’t know how to say this, but – ”

 

She was cut off by a strangled noise and a movement from behind Harry.

 

“It was me.”

 

Harry’s body turned to ice at hearing the voice, his heartbeat sped up, his mind hollowed of all thought and feeling, and he slowly turned to face the speaker. Draco was two paces away from him, his face contorted in pain and misery.

 

“It was me,” Draco repeated.

 

-


	2. Chapter Two

**Chapter Two**

-

 

_That night ended so many chapters, for so many people. Sorrow filled the air, and I can still feel it’s icy grip on my heart, although it has lessened in the years that have passed. Some has even been replaced with joy. But hurt and betrayal of that sort is hard to forget._

 

-

 

“It was me,” Draco repeated.

 

The air in the room stilled as all eyes focused on Draco. Harry was staring at him, willing his ears to reveal this was all a joke. Suddenly the room felt very heavy, and Harry felt light-headed and short of breath.

 

“Is it true?” Ron asked. Hermione nodded, biting her lip.

 

Harry could feel eyes shift to focus on him, waiting to see how he would react.

 

Suddenly, Neville stepped forward.

 

“Neville – ” Hermione started to say, a harsh tone to her voice.

 

“No Hermione, this needs to be said,” Neville said, with a glare in her direction. “It could also be me.”

 

“What the hell do you mean?” Ron exclaimed. “Hermione? First Draco, then Neville, too? What the hell?”

 

Hermione hesitated to reply. 

 

Neville glanced at her, then kept explaining for her. “I can’t say anything for Draco, but five weeks ago at the start of the holidays, before you got home Ron, there was a one night stand between us. We’d both had too many Firewhiskeys,” Neville said. “I’m sorry, it was a big mistake and I know intoxication is not an excuse but, it’s what happened.”

 

“So what, Hermione, you just slept with him, got a taste for cheating, and jumped the next non-Weasley male you came across? What the fuck!”

 

“Ron, I’m sorry, please, can we talk about this privately,” Hermione tried to plead with him.

 

“No, we bloody well can not! What about you, Draco, what the fuck happened?”

 

“I’m not listening to this,” Harry exclaimed, and started heading for the door, his senses finally returning with enough strength to get him out of there. Hurt had come crashing down on him and he was going to collapse under the weight of it if he didn’t get out of there right now. He pushed through the crowd, a string of people calling his name and trying to get him to stop, but he couldn’t listen to them. It was suffocating, he had to get out. Finally, he found the door to the kitchen and pushed his way in, and from there, he went straight to the door that led to the back garden. 

 

He felt the frigid January air hit his face, and it had snowed late this year so the fields were covered in a thick white blanket. His breath misted in front of him as he stepped out into the night, and he shivered, wearing nothing more than his sweater for warmth. His pace hadn’t lessened and he was almost running as he headed away from the house, but he still couldn’t quite get over his feeling of suffocation.

 

He stopped about ten minutes after escaping the house, near the edge of a field where a brick fence boarded it. He collapsed onto the fence, his face in his hands, breathing heavily. He felt so numb, so hurt, that he couldn’t even find the strength to cry. He started taking long, gasping breaths, trying to deal with the weight of hurt he felt deep in his chest.

 

Fast, crunching footsteps approached.

 

“Harry! There you are, please, come inside, you’ll catch your death out here,” Draco exclaimed.

 

“Go away.”

 

“Harry please, I’m so sorry, let me explain what happened,” Draco pleaded.

 

Harry just shook his head.

 

Draco stopped a couple of paces away from Harry and stood in the snow, unsure what else to say and do.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“Sorry for what exactly, that it happened, or that you had to own up to it? Why was the first I heard about it in that bloody room, Draco!”

 

“Everything, I’m sorry for everything. I should have told you straight away, I am so sorry. It was a mistake.”

 

“I just don’t get it, did you wake up one day and suddenly have an itch to fuck a woman, or did you secretly just want to hurt me in worst way possible?” Harry sobbed.

 

“I never meant to hurt you, and I’m most definitely not interested in women. Something came over me, I don’t know what it was, but I know I was drunk at the time. So was she. Harry, this is the biggest mistake I’ve ever made, and I will regret it for the rest of my life, but please, please give me a chance to explain what happened. I can’t live without you.”

 

“Save it, Draco, I don’t care what happened. Hermione is pregnant and there’s a chance you’re the… the father. Never thought I’d hear those particular words come out of my mouth.”

 

“You and me both.”

 

Harry glared at Draco. Silence fell between them.

 

“If she hadn’t fallen pregnant, would you ever have told me?” Harry whispered.

 

“I – ” Draco stopped. He didn’t know what to say. He looked at the ground.

 

“I didn’t think so,” Harry sighed.

 

“No, no Harry, I would have. I was scared of losing you, but I would have eventually found the courage to admit it. I need you, you make me complete and I can’t live without you.”

 

“You should have thought about that before you decided to fuck Hermione,” Harry snarled and stood up, attempting to walk away.

 

“Harry, please, you can’t leave me. Please, please forgive me. You don’t even have to forgive me straight away, just please say you’ll try, please say you’ll still give us a chance,” Draco pleaded. “It was a drunken mistake, I barely knew what I was doing, and I regret every second. I don’t even know why it happened, I can’t… I can’t even figure out why myself. All I know is it would never, ever happen again.”

 

Harry paused, his back turned to Draco. They stood there in the cold in silence for a few seconds. A sob escaped Draco.

 

“I don’t know, Draco. I just don’t know. Give me some time.”

 

And with that Harry walked away from him, back towards the Burrow.

 

-

 

Harry entered the kitchen again through the back door. He could hear only soft sobbing from the sitting room, and Ron’s voice muttering. So, Ron and Hermione were in there.  He couldn’t face any of them, so he took the long way around to the staircase, bypassing the sitting room. He saw Mrs. Weasley sitting in a corner, knitting a scarf by hand, and smiled at her.

 

“Let me know if you need anything, Harry dear,” she said very softly.

 

“Thanks Mrs. Weasley,” Harry said, his voice almost breaking.

 

He walked towards the stairs and started up. Each step he took towards the room he and Draco had been sharing over the holidays was filled with pain. The hurt he felt inside threatened to swell up and overtake him, and midway up the stairs, he had to stop and grip the banister to stop from falling. His heart wrenched, and the tears started to fall. He attempted another step, and only just managed it. He tried another, and missed his footing. He toppled forward onto the stairs, sobs coming at last in body-wrenching force. All he could do was lie there and cry.

 

A soft hand touched his back and rubbed, and a female voice made soothing sounds. He thought he had heard one of the bedroom doors squeak before that as well.

 

Looking up and attempting to quell the flow of tears, he saw Ginny sitting next to him on the stairs.

 

“It’ll be OK Harry, I promise.”

 

This only made him burst into fresh tears, and Ginny hugged him to her. They sat on the stairs like that for some time.

 

“Let’s get you to bed,” Ginny said, after the ferocity of Harry’s sobs had subsided. “It’d be good to avoid anyone else finding you here like this.”

 

Harry nodded, and climbed to his feet with her aid. He felt so tired, so completely and utterly free of any energy. His heart was heavy and his eyes felt like sand.

 

Together, they ascended the remainder of the stairs to Harry and Draco’s room.

 

“It’s good how Mum was able to multiply the rooms for Christmas, isn’t it?” Ginny commented. Again, Harry just nodded. He didn’t think he could manage any words.

 

They entered the room and Ginny helped Harry to the bed. She pulled down the bed sheets and pulled off Harry’s shoes. She cast a warming charm over Harry to help eliminate some of the chill from being outdoors for so long, and then stepped back towards the bedroom door. At the doorframe she turned back to look at him. He was still seated facing the side of the bed, where she had left him.

 

“Get some sleep Harry, if you need anything I’m here for you,” she said softly. With that, she left the room, shutting the door behind her.

 

Outside on the landing, Ginny smiled to herself.


	3. Chapter Three

_From now until the day I die, I will always remind myself of how many people in my life care about me. I remind myself of their selfless intentions, and appreciate everything they have done and will do for me. Those with selfish motivations, while not immediately apparent, when discovered are discarded from my life. If I knew then what I know now, things would have been different. If I knew the truth, we could have saved ourselves so much pain._

 

-

 

Harry walked down the last of the stairs and headed towards the kitchen. He had slept soundly, exhaustion having taken over his mind and putting him to sleep. He still felt emotionally exhausted despite it, though.

 

He entered the kitchen. It was early, and he hadn’t expected anyone to be awake and up just yet. He hesitated in the doorway and looked at Ron sitting at the table, staring at his cereal and barely eating.

 

Ron looked up. They looked at each other, and there was a moment of awkwardness. But the moment passed quickly.

 

“You alright mate?” Ron asked casually.

 

“Yeah, you?” Harry replied.

 

“Suppose,” Ron said, around a mouthful of cereal.

 

Harry sat down opposite Ron and poured himself a bowl. They sat in companionable silence for a few minutes while each nursed his food, barely eating.

 

“Wanna go flying today, mate?” Ron asked.

 

“Sounds good,” Harry replied. “I’m not eating this, you ready?”

 

“Yeah, meet back here in five, gotta change and get my broom.”

 

“Cool, five minutes.”

 

They both dumped their plates in the sink, guessing Mrs. Weasley wouldn’t mind them not cleaning up this once. Both rushed to the stairs and up to their separate rooms. Less than five minutes later, both were ready with brooms and headed out the door. Ron even managed to find a bag of sweets to bring along.

 

Once Harry was in the air, his cares seemed to just fall away from him as his speed and height increased. He and Ron sped over the fields of Devon, heading as far and fast away as possible from all the pain behind them. They swooped and feinted, they chased each other back and forth and had a generally good time. 

 

After what felt like hours later, they finally settled on a hill, a small patch of trees topping it’s grassy plains. The Burrow was nowhere in sight. They sat down under the trees and Ron whipped out his sweet bag. They passed it back and forth in silence for a while, eating sweets and watching the world go by.

 

“So,” Ron finally said.

 

“So,” Harry said back.

 

“I take it you didn’t know anything, then,” Ron said.

 

“About… what happened last night? No, I didn’t.”

 

“Neither. Fuck, mate. Hermione with Neville  _and_  Dra… well, two other blokes? What the hell was she thinking? What did I do wrong?”

 

“I dunno, Ron.”

 

“And a baby, I just don’t know what to do.”

 

“Are you – “ Harry started. He didn’t know how to phrase this without sounding insensitive. “Are you going to end things?”

 

There was a silence.

 

“I don’t know what to do, Harry. What if the baby is actually mine? She’s cheated on me twice, but we have a child together? How do I handle that? How do I move on and play happy family? And worse, what if it isn’t mine? How do I try to stay with her and raise someone else’s child? Potentially, my best mate’s partner’s child?” Ron paused. “How do we get ourselves into this shit?”

 

“I dunno.”

 

“But there is a baby involved. I can’t just desert her. Fuck, aren’t babies supposed to be happy occasions? This kid is going to be so fucked up. And this is Hermione we’re talking about. She was our friend before she was my wife.” Ron shook his head and looked at Harry. “What about you and Draco?” he asked carefully.

 

Harry sat there, picking at the grass and staring at the ground. He didn’t know what to say.

 

“I need time to figure it out. I don’t know.”

 

“Mmm,” Ron agreed.

 

“I just don’t know what to think. Draco says he’s sorry, it was a mistake and he barely knew what he was doing. That it would never happen again. He wants me to forgive him. But I’m just... so hurt. How could both of them do this to us?”

 

“I don’t know. It’s out of character for Hermione, this behaviour. Last night, she said she loved me, and she’s so scared of herself, and can’t understand what came over her. She says she never intended for anything to happen with either of them, and she’s been keeping it a secret because she’s so ashamed of herself. She said she loves me and would never do anything to hurt me. What a joke.”

 

They sat in silence for a while.

 

“I don’t think I can forgive Hermione,” Ron finally stated.

 

Harry looked at him. “She’s been our friend since we were eleven, we can’t just abandon her.”

 

“You’re right,” Ron agreed. “I’m just saying, I don’t think I can forgive her and go back to being a happy family with her. I’ll support her, especially with the baby, but I don’t think I can be her husband anymore.”

 

Harry looked at the ground. The breaking of his two best friends’ relationship was almost as hard to take. If Ron couldn’t forgive Hermione, how could he forgive Draco?

 

“I know what you’re thinking, mate. If you choose to give Draco another shot, no one will think any less of you, you have to know that. I’ll support you if you choose to give him another shot. I’ll support you if you choose to kick his arse to the curb, of course, as well. And Mum will always support whatever action you take, you know that. If you want her to kick him out of the family, she will, but if you want her to act like this never happened, she can do that too. You’re family, Harry, and we’ll look after you.”

 

“Thanks Ron, it means a lot.”

 

“Anytime. Pass the sweets,” Ron said, grabbing for the bag.

 

They finished the sweets over the next twenty minutes, sitting in silence.

 

“Draco and Hermione,” Harry said. “I’m still not even sure I can get my head around it.”

 

“You’re telling me, and I thought the bloke was gay!” Ron said jokingly.

 

“Hey!” Harry exclaimed, but laughed anyway. The cheer quickly left the two, though.

 

“What if it’s Draco’s baby?” Harry asked quietly.

 

Ron looked up at the sky and swallowed heavily. “We’ll just have to find a way to make it work, I suppose. It’s not like we can just kick them both out to deal with their illegitimate love child.”

 

“Urgh, that sounds so wrong.”

 

“You’re telling me,” Ron sighed.

 

“I think we should head back soon. I’m sure we’re hours away from the Burrow, and it looks like the sun is starting to set,” Harry said.

 

“Yeah, I suppose. I don’t really want to go back. I’ll have to face her again.”

 

“So she’s staying at the Burrow for the time being?”

 

“Yeah. She wanted to leave and go back to her parents’ place or something, but I wouldn’t let her. Told her to take our room, and I slept on the couch. She’s pregnant, and like you said, we can’t just abandon her.”

 

“Mmmm. I should probably go check on Draco, make sure he’s not in a ditch or something.”

 

“Draco didn’t come back last night?”

 

“No. I’m assuming he went back to our place in London. I should probably go check.”

 

“Mmm, OK then. Fly home, then? Or do you want to just Apparate?”

 

“Nah, definitely fly back.”

 

“Alright, let’s go.”

 

-

 

Harry had dragged his feet once he had got back to the Burrow, and spent a long time showering and changing into clean clothes. He procrastinated until it was seven o’clock at night and finally had to bite the bullet and Disapparate home. If Draco wasn’t there, he could be in trouble, and Harry had to check. Mrs Weasley said on his way out that she would be serving dessert promptly at nine and if he wasn’t home by ten she’d be sending a search party. Oh, and that she would save him leftovers.

 

Harry Apparated straight into the living room of the London townhouse he shared with Draco. It had been empty the past five weeks while Harry and Draco had holidayed with the Weasleys over Christmas during the extended break the whole family had taken. They’d taken six weeks leave total from work and were five weeks through it, due back to work at the end of the next week.

 

 

Now, in the living room, Harry was struggling to find the courage to face Draco, if he was here somewhere.

 

He checked all the downstairs areas first, the living room, kitchen, hallway, downstairs bathroom, even the pantry. He mentally argued with himself over that one, claiming he had to be thorough, just in case.

 

He finally approached the staircase and steeled his courage. There were three bedrooms upstairs, one which had been turned into a study, the other a guest bedroom, and the main with walk-in robe and ensuite. He turned to the right when he got to the top of the stairs and checked the study first, the smallest of the rooms. It was empty, like the rest of the house had been so far. He turned to the left and checked the spare bedroom. He had to be sure, but there was nothing there.

 

Knowing there was only one other place he could be, and knowing from the beginning it was the most likely place he could have found Draco, Harry walked to the end of the hallway and opened the door to the main bedroom.

 

There, on the mahogany king-sized bed he had shared with Draco for the past four years, was the blonde he was searching for. He was curled up in a tight ball, in nothing but white Calvin Klein briefs, the covers knocked back from his body. He was semi-awake and lying on Harry’s side of the bed, facing inwards towards the wall on the opposite side of the room. He was crying softly. He looked like he hadn’t moved all day and he hadn’t noticed Harry or the door opening. The sight tugged at Harry’s heart, and he didn’t think about what he did next.

 

Thinking only to hold him and stop the tears, forgetting the events of the past twenty-four hours, Harry quietly took off his shoes and walked to the bed. He laid down behind Draco on the thin part of the bed, and snuggled in close to the blonde. He held him tightly, squeezing him to his chest and putting his face into the crook of his neck. He inhaled the familiar scent that was Draco.

 

Draco’s eyes flew open the minute he felt Harry’s arms wrap around him.

 

“Harry – “

 

“Shhhh,” Harry interrupted, not ready to talk.

 

“But,” Draco tried to start again, attempting to turn. Harry just held him firmly and didn’t let him continue.

 

“I don’t want to talk Draco. I had to check that you were alive, and you are. I didn’t know where you went last night.”

 

“Does this mean… Well do you – “

 

“It doesn’t mean anything. It means I care about you and always will, and had to check you weren’t lying in a ditch somewhere. Nothing more.”

 

“Then why – “

 

“Because I want to, alright! Just shut up.”

 

Draco sighed and stopped trying to talk. Harry felt him relax back into his hold and saw him wipe a few stray tears from his face. They stayed that way for nearly fifteen minutes.

 

Harry finally moved and sat up, feet over the edge and facing away from Draco. Draco turned to face him.

 

“I should go,” Harry started. “Mrs. Weasley is expecting me back.”

 

“OK,” Draco said quietly.

 

Harry sighed and stood up.

 

“Wait,” Draco said suddenly sitting up in a swift movement.

 

“What?” Harry said, turning back.

 

“I’m hurting, Harry. Really hurting. I’m not sure I can handle not knowing where we stand. I don’t know what I will do if you can’t find it in yourself to give us another go. Please.” He sobbed.

 

Harry put his hands over his face. “I don’t know what to do, Draco. It’s so messed up.”

 

Draco looked down at the bed. “I’ll accept whatever you decide. I still honestly don’t know what happened or how it managed to get that far, and I am sorry for it every second of every minute of the day. I would never hurt you like this, and I don’t know how it’s happened.”

 

“Stop saying that. You’re a responsible adult and you made your own decisions. Now we have to deal with the consequences. You’re hurting, how do you think I feel?”

 

“I know, Harry, I am so sorry. I can’t imagine what you must be going through.”

 

Harry turned to leave. He got to the door and put on his shoes. Just as he was about to open the door and go through, he was stopped once more. His hand hesitated on the doorknob as Draco spoke.

 

“I love you,” Draco said.

 

“I love you, too.”


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Strong warnings apply for this chapter and from here out. Please note in this chapter that angry!sex/dub!con/non!con are major warnings in this chapter (unsure where to draw the line between just dub-con and full non-con, some readers felt it was in the realm of non-con although I only think of it as dub-con). You have been warned, if you don't like don't read.

** Chapter Four **

 

-

  
  
_Looking back on what I did next, it was one of the biggest mistakes I could have made. Your life is ultimately a sum of the choices you make, and this one led to outcomes I had never wished to see. I caused someone I love to hurt; to the point of no return._

  
  
-

  
“I love you, too.”

  
  
He hesitated at the door a moment longer, reminding himself that he was supposed to leave; Mrs. Weasley was expecting him home shortly, and he was supposed to be avoiding Draco until he could sort out what he wanted.

 

But something snapped inside him.

  
  
Harry turned, and his eyes caught Draco’s. His heart melted a little, as it had done so many other times when looking into those steel grey eyes. A soft whimper escaped his lips.

  
  
Acting before he could convince himself that this was a bad idea, Harry strode back to the bed, pulling items of clothing from his body on the way. He had managed to divest himself of his shoes, jacket, and shirt by the time he reached the bed. He pounced on Draco, capturing his lips in a fierce kiss.

  
Draco accepted the passionate kiss initially, but Harry felt him start to pull away and murmur in confusion. He ignored it and continued attempting to devour Draco.

  
Finally, Draco pushed heavily against Harry’s chest and succeeded in breaking them apart momentarily. Harry could see the hurt and confusion on his face. Harry climbed forward fully onto the bed, crowding Draco and pushing him down to his back, moving to hover over Draco’s almost naked body. 

  
“Harry,” Draco gasped. “What are you doing?” 

  
“Shhhh,” Harry murmured, ignoring his protests. He placed a kiss to Draco’s neck. 

  
“Seriously, what are you doing? I’m not sure you want to do this, Harry.” 

  
“Just shut up and let me do what I want - I’m not the one who cheated here!”

  
Draco fell silent, hurt spreading across his face. “I’m sorry, Harry, but I’m thinking about you and what this will mean to you afterwards. I don’t want you to do something you’ll regret.” 

  
“I don’t care.” Harry felt heat rising in his face as anger started to consume him.

  
“Well maybe I do! Maybe I can’t handle this right now if you decide to end things afterwards,” Draco sobbed. 

  
“If I end things, that’s my decision. But right now this is what I want, so either go with it, or tell me no right now and I’ll leave.” 

  
Draco stared at him, confusion and hurt in his eyes. 

  
“Well?” Harry growled. 

  
“I don’t want you to go.” 

  
“Then shut up, Malfoy.” 

  
Stinging hurt spread across Draco’s face, his eyes clouding over with pain. He turned his head away, but Harry ignored it. He felt his anger consume him. Draco was the one who did the wrong thing, not him, it wasn’t fair for _Draco_ to be hurting, after what he did to Harry. 

  
Harry stood up, and pulled off his own trousers and briefs. He pulled Draco forcefully by the leg towards him, but Draco kicked and struggled against him. He grabbed hold of the other ankle and forced them both still with his hands. He pushed his legs flat against the bed and used his body to hold him down, grunting with the effort, and smothering Draco’s small noises of protest. He grabbed hold of the fabric of Draco’s boxers and pulled them down angrily. Draco bucked his hips to try and stop him, but Harry couldn’t stop; he couldn’t stop thinking that Draco was _his_ and he just needed reminding of it. He managed to wrestle Draco’s boxers completely off, leaving him naked and exposed on the bed. He could feel Draco’s skin trembling slightly. 

  
“Sit up,” Harry demanded gruffly. He started to pump his cock, bringing it to hardness. 

  
Draco hesitated to respond. He was facing Harry across the bed, propped up on his arms and his legs were spilling over either side of Harry’s standing form.

  
“I said sit up,” Harry said in low tones.

  
Draco locked eyes with him. Harry saw hurt, pain and guilt drifting out of those eyes. Harry hardened his stare to a dead glare, letting no emotion other than anger and hate shine through. 

  
Breaking eye contact, Draco sat up and came face to face with Harry’s hard cock. 

  
“Suck it,” he demanded. 

  
Draco glanced up at him one more time. Harry knew Draco was hesitant; knew that he wasn’t happy.

  
“Harry – ” Draco started. 

  
“Just shut up and do what I say! You gave me no choice in what you did to me, you gave no thought to what I would think or feel. Now it’s your turn. Suck it.” 

  
Draco looked down for a few seconds. Harry’s cock started to wilt slightly, emotional backlash ripping through his body from just thinking about Draco’s betrayal. Harry looked away, holding back a few stray tears in tense silence.

  
Suddenly he felt warm lips around the head of his cock. He looked back quickly, to see Draco’s lips wrapped around his member, eyes shut tightly with tear tracks running down his cheeks. 

  
Harry moaned as Draco took more of him into his mouth. Draco expertly tongued the head, and his head started to bob in a regular rhythm. Harry was fully hard again, and his body was responding to Draco’s ministrations. His mind was still a mess, but he pushed all thoughts from his brain and concentrated on the warm heat of Draco’s mouth. 

  
“Draco…” he moaned, grabbing his blonde hair with both hands. He started to unconsciously push Draco further and further onto his cock with every downward motion, focusing on just the feelings of heat, suction, and pleasure radiating throughout him. 

  
Draco increased his speed and sucked harder. Harry knew a couple more minutes of this, and he would likely come. He figured that was probably what Draco was aiming for, to get this mess over and done with. 

  
But Harry didn’t want it to end just yet. Despite the sensations wracking his body, he wanted more. He was still angry and upset. He felt like Draco had taken away control of their relationship and left him with no say in the matter. He had no control left over what happened to their lives. 

  
But he could control this, here and now. 

  
“Stop,” Harry ordered in husky tones.

  
With one last suck, Draco stopped and looked up at him. Pleading, miserable, but mostly resigned eyes stared into his. Harry looked away. 

  
“On the bed. On your stomach.” 

  
Draco choked back a small whimper, and moved to comply. 

  
Harry crawled onto the bed after him. He kneeled behind him and spread Draco’s unresisting legs. Harry reached for his wand and murmured a spell. Lube slicked Draco’s hole, and Harry started to massage his entrance with one finger. 

  
Usually, Draco would be moaning by now. He was usually a very vocal lover. But tonight he remained silent, save for the occasional whimper or sniffle. His head was on his hands, his face turned to one side and his eyes screwed shut. 

  
Harry turned his head away for a moment. _What was he doing?_

  
But by this point, Harry was past the point of caring. 

  
He pushed the tip of one finger into Draco’s tight opening, feeling some resistance. 

  
Pushing those thoughts to the back of his mind, Harry pushed the finger all the way in, and then started to move it slowly in and out. The emotional turmoil in the room was starting to affect Harry, and he didn’t know whether he could manage to keep going. Whether he even should. Draco was right; this wasn’t the best idea for them right now. He had thought maybe it would help him, but was he actually making things worse? 

  
But one thought drove all others out of his mind. If he could just be inside Draco again, surely things would start to make sense again. Surely things would fall into place and work themselves out again. If they could just feel that electricity, that spark, that usually made things between them so perfect. 

  
He added a second finger to the first. He started to stretch Draco, scissoring his fingers as well as pumping them in and out. 

  
A small, pained moan escaped Draco. 

  
Harry quickly added a third finger, not wanting to wait much longer. 

  
After a few moments, Harry withdrew his fingers. He probably could have spent a little more time preparing Draco, but desperation and anger drove him to keep going. He murmured the lubrication spell again and spread it over Draco’s entrance and his own cock. 

  
Moving up over Draco’s body, he positioned himself at Draco’s hole. He lowered himself slowly into his body. He could see Draco biting into the pillow with his eyes scrunched up. His body was directly above Draco’s, and as he sank into Draco, he lowered his chest to Draco’s back. He was probably smothering him a bit, but Harry wanted the closeness. 

  
He started to move out again, slowly. He had almost completely withdrawn, with just the tip of his cock inside Draco’s body. Then he started to push back in again. Draco scrambled to hold onto the sheets, the pillow, anything to ground him; the pace was torture for both of them. Harry pulled back again, equally slowly. 

  
Once more, just the head was left inside Draco’s body, and Harry paused there for a few moments. Draco was breathing heavily. Suddenly, Harry pushed back in with full force, taking Draco by surprise as he rammed harshly into him. Draco let out a cry. 

  
Harry kissed his neck, “Shhhh.” 

  
He maintained a rough pace then, pushing in and out of Draco without pause. Every inward thrust pushed Draco slightly up the bed, and Draco clung to his pillow, face buried in it. Harry ignored the fact that Draco didn’t seem to be moaning in pleasure. 

  
The rhythm was starting to affect Harry’s composure, and his thrusts started to become more erratic. He pumped into Draco once, twice, three more times, and then came in an explosion of pleasure, spilling his seed deep inside Draco. 

  
He collapsed on top of Draco’s limp body. 

  
He felt himself soften as he lay there a few minutes. He slowly pulled out and rolled over to one side. 

  
As soon as Harry was off him, Draco rolled off the bed and bolted for the bathroom, locking the door behind him. 

  
Now that the heat of the moment had died down, Harry lay there in misery. He knew it had been an awful idea. He hadn’t felt that spark. All he had felt was anger and sadness. Gulping for air, Harry felt the weight of what he had just done settle over him. He choked back a sob. His emotions from the previous night rose to the surface and his chest constricted. 

  
He didn’t know what to do. 

  
-

  
Inside the bathroom, Draco washed his face, trying to remove as many of his tears as possible. But he couldn’t stop sobbing, so it was pointless. 

  
He looked down at his own cock, which had stayed resolutely limp during the whole encounter. 

  
He felt awful. 

  
He knew he had done the wrong thing. He couldn’t understand why he had done it. He could remember the majority of the details of that night with Hermione, but he still couldn’t explain to himself why. He hadn’t even thought he was that intoxicated, but he must have drunk more than he realized. The morning after, he had awoken only to run to the toilet and vomit, a pounding headache in tow and clearly suffering the effects of a hangover. 

  
He didn’t blame Harry for feeling the way he did; Draco had betrayed his trust, even if he couldn’t fully explain why or how. 

  
But what had happened out there… Draco had never seen Harry so cold, so angry. His whole demeanor had completely disturbed Draco. He had wanted Harry to forgive him so badly that Draco would have done anything, but that hadn’t felt right. He felt like his heart was breaking; this wasn’t the Harry that Draco knew and loved. 

  
He felt dirty and violated. His lover had made him feel this way. Harry was so angry with him, so hurt by Draco’s actions, that he hadn’t cared what Draco thought or felt. 

  
Draco started crying again, not knowing what to do or how to fix things. 

  
Stumbling to the shower, he turned it on to scalding hot and got in. He scrubbed at his flesh until his skin was bright pink and smelled of soap.

  
He stayed in the shower another thirty minutes, crying and sobbing, and wishing he didn’t have to face the real world again. 

  
Finally he got out, wrapped himself in a towel, and braved the bedroom again, ready to confront Harry. 

  
But when he stepped back onto the plush carpet of their room, there was no sign of Harry. His clothes, shoes, everything he had came with tonight was gone. The only sign that he had been there were the rumpled and stained sheets. 

  
Harry had left. 

  
Biting back more tears, Draco retrieved a bottle of Firewhiskey from the shelf on the opposite wall, took a large swig, and then put it on the bedside table. He dropped the wet towel from around his waist, and, naked, crawled onto the bed. He curled into a ball, knees to chest, and somehow managed to cry himself to sleep. 

  
-

  
It was well past midnight when Harry Apparated into the kitchen of the Burrow, his clothes haphazardly replaced right before leaving the flat. He still smelled of sweat and sex and of _Draco_ , and his eyes were swimming with tears. 

  
Ginny was in the kitchen. He hadn’t expected anyone to still be up. 

  
“Harry!” 

  
“Ginny… What are you still doing here?” 

  
“Mum was worried. I offered to stay up and wait for you rather than have her send some of the boys to check on you. I didn’t think you needed the intrusion right now.” 

  
“Thanks,” Harry said, hesitantly. 

  
“Are you OK, Harry? You seem a bit… off colour.” 

  
“I’m… Draco and I… I don’t know, Gin, I really don’t.” He collapsed into one of the chairs and put his head in his hands. 

  
He heard the scrape of a chair as Ginny got up and moved to sit next to him. Harry felt her hand on his arm. 

  
“We’re all here for you Harry. If you ever want to talk, I’d be happy to listen.” 

  
“Thanks,” Harry said, moving his hands to look at her. She squeezed his arm slightly, and he moved one hand to cover hers. 

  
Letting her go again, Harry sat back in his chair. 

  
“I think I just made a big mistake,” he said. 

  
Ginny looked at him, compassion in her eyes. “Whatever it is Harry, I’m sure the two of you can work it out.”

  
“I’m not so sure. This whole situation is just a mess.”

  
“Maybe… Maybe the two of you just need some space. Why don’t you hang out here for the next week, and think things over?” 

  
“I don’t know…” 

  
“If you’re worried about Hermione, Ron and her have decided to head back to their place and try and work on their issues away from everyone else. They’re leaving in the morning.” 

  
Harry fell silent at that news. Then he nodded. “If Molly doesn’t mind, I think it would be good to stay here for a while.” 

  
“Oh, Mum doesn’t mind at all. Don’t worry about that.” 

  
“Thanks, Ginny.” 

  
“And if I were you, Harry, I would stay away for a bit, let things cool down between you and Draco. You said yourself that you thought tonight was a big mistake. I don’t know what happened of course, but if you want to talk about it – ”

  
“No, I don’t think I can talk about this any time soon.” 

  
“Oh, that’s OK. The offer is always there though, Harry, if you need it.” 

  
“Thanks.”

  
“Let’s get you to bed then, shall we?” Ginny said. “Or do you need me to tuck you in like last night,” she said cheekily, winking at him. 

  
Harry laughed. “No, no, I think I can manage this time. Thank you for last night, Gin. I’m glad it was you that found me rather than anyone else.” 

  
“That’s OK,” she said, smiling softly. 

  
“Night, Gin.” 

  
“Good night Harry.”

 

-


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Strong warnings for this chapter - suicide attempt. Again, if you don't like, don't read.

**Chapter Five**

  
  
_I will never know all the details. I will never know what made him do it. I will never know why. We were both hurting, but I had no idea it would lead to this. I will regret it for the rest of my life._

  
-

  
Draco sobbed into the pillow. It was a single sob; his body couldn’t handle much more crying at this point, it was exhausting. He had fallen asleep easily the night before but had awoken feeling a deep exhaustion.

  
He was still lying naked in the bed he would usually share with Harry. He was using Harry’s pillow. He had barely eaten all day, except large gulps from the Firewhisky bottle he had grabbed last night.

  
Harry had done exactly what Draco had tried to warn him he wasn’t able to handle. They had had sex, and then Harry left without a word. Draco couldn’t handle losing him.

  
He squeezed his eyes shut as more tears threatened to fall. He tried to block out the thoughts from last night, which were playing over in his head again and again. But he couldn’t seem to manage it.

  
His chest heaved in another deep sob.

  
He hadn’t been hard last night. He had tried to stop Harry, because he didn’t want to feel intimate with him. He couldn’t handle loving him right now, if Harry was going to leave him. He didn’t even deserve to love Harry, after the mistake he had made with Hermione.

  
He had screwed up a lot of lives that night. Draco wanted Harry back. But Harry had doubts.

  
How could he have messed things up so much that he had given Harry cause to doubt and mistrust him?

  
He decided to continue to nurse that Firewhiskey bottle.

  
-

  
The next week passed slowly for Harry.

  
He had spent most of his time hanging out with Ginny. Most of the Weasleys’ extended family had returned to their own homes, the Christmas period finally coming to a close, and the Burrow was quiet in comparison to the previous weeks.

  
Ron had stopped by a couple of times to talk to Harry or to play Quidditch with him along with Ginny and George. It felt odd staying here without Ron in permanent attendance, but Mrs. Weasley made sure Harry felt like one of her children no matter what. Generally speaking though, there wasn’t a whole lot to do at the Burrow, and he found himself spending more and more time with Ginny. She was very supportive of the situation and had been a good shoulder to lean on.

  
His thoughts were so scattered. He still had no idea what to do about his relationship with Draco. They had had no contact since _that_ night. Harry had hoped the distance would make things clearer, but it wasn’t working. He was riddled with guilt over his actions the last time he had seen Draco. But every time he thought too long about that guilt, he started to feel angry. Why should he feel guilty when he was not the one who cheated?

  
It was all so messed up. He found it hard to believe that this had really happened. Draco was supposed to be his partner, his lover, _his_. And instead, he had betrayed their relationship and Harry’s trust. Harry knew it would be hard for him to trust Draco again. But he wanted to forgive. He knew he loved Draco, and couldn’t stand the thought of ending things.

  
He was stuck in limbo.

  
“Harry, I got us some pudding and ice cream,” Ginny said, walking into the sitting room.

  
Harry looked up from the page of the Quidditch magazine he had been attempting to read for the last hour.

  
“Thanks,” he murmured, chucking the magazine aside. Ginny handed him a spoon and sat down next to him, holding a single bowl with a massive double portion inside it. She offered it out, and he cut off a slice.

  
“Harry,” Ginny started. “I was wondering - and feel free to ignore this question, as I understand it must be difficult for you - but I was just wondering if you had made any decisions about Malfoy yet?”

  
Harry sighed. He knew the question would be coming. He hadn’t spoken to any of the Weasleys about Draco since he had decided to stay for the foreseeable future. He rubbed his face with his free hand, rubbing his tired eyes.

  
“I don’t know.”

  
“I’m sorry, Harry, I shouldn’t be asking you this so soon. It’s barely been a week – ”

  
“No, it’s OK. I just don’t know what to say or think. I love him, but my heart is breaking. I feel so hurt. But I don’t know that I want to spend the rest of my life without him.”

  
“Oh, Harry,” Ginny sighed, inching closer and rubbing his back. “Have some more pudding, before the ice cream melts,” she said, pushing the bowl into his hands.

  
“Thanks,” Harry said glumly.

  
-

  
“Mr. Longbottom?” came the ageing voice of his healer through the floo call.

  
“Hello, Healer Strout,” Neville replied. Miriam Strout had been looking after his medical needs since he was a boy, as she also looked after his parents at St Mungo’s. “How are you today?”

  
“Well, thank you,” she replied courteously. “I have the results of the blood-work we took just before Christmas, finally. The lab at this time of year is quite difficult to get results out of, I tell you!”

  
“That’s perfectly alright, Healer Strout,” Neville said. “Was there anything unusual?”

  
“Yes actually. No wonder you came to me complaining of head and stomach aches. You’re blood showed evidence of an acute toxin, although at this stage we’re not quite sure what, or what the cause could be.”

  
“A toxin?”

  
“Yes, it’s most likely present due to a mixture of potion ingredients. Tell me, did you take any potions that I personally didn’t prescribe in the week before I took this blood sample?”

  
“No, not that I’m aware of.”

  
“Hmm, strange indeed. I’m going to keep testing and have the lab work out just what it was. It’s definitely caused a bad reaction for your body, so if we work out what it was, hopefully you can avoid it in the future.”

  
“Thank you very much, Healer Strout,” Neville finished. They said their goodbyes and terminated the floo call.

  
Neville paced across his living room floor in front of the fireplace. A toxin? Strout hadn’t given him too much information to go off. He had ordered that blood-work the day after sleeping with Hermione, after experiencing intense stomach and headache pains that were not relieved by a standard pain relief potion provided by Healer Strout. 

  
There was definitely something fishy going on here, and Neville was determined to find out what.

  
-

  
Draco had managed to crawl his way to the bathroom and fish through the medicine cabinet under the basin.

  
His head was pounding. He hadn’t showered in four days. His eyes were swollen. He hadn’t even dressed since he had curled up naked on the bed after Harry left. He had drunk too much in the last few days, and his head was feeling it.

  
As was his stomach, apparently. He managed to get his head over the toilet bowl before bile rose in his throat. He threw up, but all that came out was stomach bile and the alcohol he had consumed.

  
He panted, sprawled out around the toilet, head resting on one side of the toilet seat. He was a mess.

  
Harry hadn’t contacted him all week. Draco didn’t know what else to do, and his sorrow had consumed him.

  
He crawled back to the medicine cabinet and resumed digging around for something to ease his headache.

  
He found a headache potion and downed it. He noticed a large amount of Dreamless Sleep potion, which had originally been for Harry when he had trouble sleeping through the night. Harry sometimes still suffered nightmares as an after effect of the war, and a Healer had prescribed him Dreamless Sleep with strict instructions to only take a tablespoon’s worth - and only when absolutely necessary.

  
He stared at the potion a long while. He was a smart wizard. He could brew Dreamless Sleep himself if he wanted to. This particular batch they had purchased off Snape, as Draco had wanted only the best for Harry. He knew the side-effects. He knew what could happen if one ingested various quantities of the potion. He knew what would happen if one consumed the _entire_ potion.

  
He took the bottle out of the cupboard. He put it on the basin above and dragged himself up to a standing position. 

  
He looked at himself in the mirror, leaning on the basin. His face was a mess. His eyes were swollen, his cheeks tear-streaked. His hair was matted and messy. He turned his head and smelled himself, and was disgusted. What had Potter reduced him to?

  
Water came rushing out of the faucet as he turned on the tap. He splashed cold water over his face and left the tap running.

  
He looked back at the Dreamless Sleep potion.

  
Potter was never coming back. Clearly he was done. He came here, took what he wanted from Draco’s body, and left. They had hurt each other too much. It would never work out.

  
These thoughts had been playing through his head for days. He was shaky; he still had not eaten anything. His thoughts were scattered due to hunger and dehydration. The only thing that did seem clear was that Harry Potter hated him. Harry didn’t want him anymore.

  
Draco didn’t know what else he had left. His father was dead, having spent a year in Azkaban before succumbing to the torture of the place. His mother was in France, living her own life. She hadn’t spoken to her son in two years, in order to distance herself from the wizarding world. He had nothing left now that Potter had deserted him.

  
Sure, he had his work. But it was nothing, a meager job at the Ministry to appease Harry. Neither really needed to work, with their family fortunes behind them, but Harry had insisted they could not spend all day every day in bed. They needed something to make them show their faces in the real world.

  
But now that Harry was leaving him… what would it matter if he just never returned to work? No one would miss him.

  
He sobbed again. He felt it rise from the base of his stomach, through his chest, and wrap around his heart. He felt it wrench tight around that vital organ and rip upwards into his throat. He tried to suppress it, but failed, and tears welled up in his eyes again. He couldn’t handle the fact that Potter had walked away… and still had not come back.

  
His shoulders shook as his entire chest heaved in misery. More tears spilled down his cheeks and fell into the sink below, where they were consumed by the flowing water.

  
He looked back at the Dreamless Sleep potion again. Clearly it was the only option left to him. He was alone, and he couldn’t stop the pain. He tried the past four days to drown it in alcohol, and that hadn’t worked. It wouldn’t stop hurting. His heart couldn’t heal, it wouldn’t. He wanted Harry back, and that was never going to happen. He had fucked it all up.

  
Wiping his tears away, he gathered the last of his strength. He took hold of the Dreamless Sleep potion and removed the stopper. He stared at it for long moments.

  
If he drank this, he wouldn’t have long. His body would start to fall asleep. In this quantity, it was likely he would never wake up.

  
He suppressed his thoughts, pushing back the knowledge of what would happen to each of his bodily functions as they shut down into eternal sleep. He downed the potion in one gulp. The bottle dropped from his hand and smashed on the tiles. He turned, mind already starting to numb, and walked to the bed. His bare feet caught at the glass remains of the bottle and started to bleed, but he didn’t care.

  
He made it to the bed and collapsed on his front, bleeding and naked. His eyes fluttered closed, and emptiness started to take over his mind.

  
-

  
Harry had managed no more than two mouthfuls of the pudding and ice cream that Ginny had put in front of him.

  
She had shifted ever so slightly closer.

  
“Harry…” she started.

  
“Here,” he said suddenly, passing back the pudding. “I can’t eat it. My stomach is too upset.”

  
“Oh,” Ginny said, a bit taken aback.

  
He stood up suddenly. He ran his hands through his hair. “I think maybe I need to go talk to Draco. It’s been a while.”

  
“Oh, Harry, are you sure that’s a wise idea right now?”

  
“No, but… I need to see him. We left things terribly last week. We need to talk.”

  
“Harry, are you sure he even wants to see you? He’s known you were here the whole time and hasn’t done a single thing to try and contact you.”

  
“Ginny…”

  
“I’m just trying to protect you, Harry. What he did… You were such a mess. He’s not the one who had to help pick up the pieces. All I’m saying is I saw you last week, and I don’t want to see you go through that ever again.”

  
“Thank you, Ginny,” Harry said, his tone warming. “I know you’re just trying to help. But… this is something I need to work out for myself.”

  
“It’s fine, I’m sorry, Harry. We’ll be here no matter what.”

  
“Thanks, Gin,” he said, taking her into a warm hug. When he pulled back, Ginny hovered very closely to him still.

  
“You know we all love you, don’t you, Harry?” she said softly.

  
Harry looked slightly confused at the tone of her voice, but nodded all the same. “I know, and it’s been so wonderful to have family like this help me.”

  
Ginny kissed his cheek. “Go on then.”

  
Harry stepped back and nodded again. “I’ll be back tonight, whatever happens.”

  
“I’ll let Mum know.”

  
“Thanks.”

  
With that, Harry turned and exited the sitting room, heading outside. Once out in the cool air, he Disapparated once more to his flat.

  
This time he headed straight for the main bedroom. The rest of the flat showed no sign of life, no evidence that Draco had been present the last four days.

  
He took the stairs two at a time and walked to the main bedroom door. There he hesitated. The last time he had seen Draco… he had gone too far. What he had done was unforgivable. Draco would be in his rights to throw him out of the flat and scream at him to never talk to him again. He had practically forced the issue. His anger was so dominant last time, he’d lost his sense of right and wrong.

  
He shook his head. He had to face this. If Draco wanted him gone, then so be it. But they had to start talking about it. They couldn’t let this just lie in limbo for the rest of their lives. And the end of the holidays was fast approaching.

  
He quietly opened the door. He looked around the room and saw Draco, naked, lying on his chest and draped across the bed. His arm was at a slightly odd angle. The bathroom light was on in the ensuite on the opposite side of the room. He saw broken glass on the ground.

  
Looking swiftly around the room, his eyes took in the empty bottle of Firewhiskey lying on the ground, and another bottle, three quarters empty on the nightstand. He couldn’t see any evidence of food, either.

  
Walking over to the bed, Harry climbed onto the bed and stroked Draco’s hair back. He barely moved. Harry started to stroke his back, trying to rouse him.

  
“Draco?” he asked softly, shaking his shoulder gently. “Draco, wake up, babe.”

  
He looked further down the bed, and saw that Draco’s feet were bleeding. He looked at the broken glass again, and suddenly dread washed over him.

  
He got up quickly and looked through the room. He spotted a large piece of glass with a label on it. He recognized Snape’s scrawl and the letters “Drea” above the letters “Sle” on the partial bit of label. Dropping the glass as if burned, Harry paused.

  
Realisation hit, and his adrenaline kicked in.

  
“Oh, shit, Draco, fuck.” He ran back to Draco’s form on the bed and rolled him over. He checked for a pulse. It was still there, but erratic and weak.

  
“Draco, you idiot!”

  
Harry’s heart was racing. Had Draco taken the whole Dreamless Sleep potion? If so, how long ago? Panic rose in him. That much Dreamless Sleep only gave someone so much time before it shut everything off.

  
“Fuck!”

  
He scooped up Draco’s naked form into his arms. Draco’s head lolled to the side, completely unconscious. Not knowing what else to do, Harry Apparated to the one place that might be able to fix this.

  
He felt the familiar squeeze of Apparition, and with the snap of a loud bang, he was in the foyer of St Mungo’s. The hospital had anti-apparition wards and various protective charms so one could not just appear in the foyer ordinarily, you’d have to go through special emergency channels with the floo network, otherwise it was difficult to control emergency situations.

  
In Harry’s panic, he had forgotten he wasn’t supposed to be able to Apparate directly into St Mungo’s. Somehow he had made it happen.

  
The whole foyer was staring at him, and it was so silent you could hear a pin drop. Eyes were all fixated on him and the limp, naked wizard he held. Astonished looks painted the faces of most of his onlookers, amazed that he had done the impossible.

  
“Help me,” Harry sobbed, softly at first. “Help!” he screamed.

 

-


	6. Chapter Six

**Chapter Six**

  
  
_My tears were like a fast flowing river. I couldn’t control them, and they flowed so easily from me. All I could do was hope._

  
-

  
“Please, help!”

  
Medi-wizards and Healers sprung into action at the desperation and fear in his voice. A Medi-witch had levitated an emergency cot to Harry, and Harry lowered Draco down. Healers were rushing forward.

  
“What’s the matter?” a Healer asked Harry.

  
“I think he’s had too much Dreamless Sleep,” Harry gasped.

  
“How long ago?”

  
“I don’t know. I just found him like this minutes ago. The bottle was smashed on the floor and empty… Oh Merlin, Draco, what have you done?”

  
“Calm down, Mr Potter, I assume?” the Healer said.

  
“Yes,” Harry whispered.

  
“Now, how much do you think he has consumed?”

  
“I don’t know… The bottle had about 20 doses... I had used three.”

  
“The prescription was not for him?”

  
“No, it was mine. Oh, Merlin, this is all my fault!”

  
“Who is the brewer?”

  
“Severus Snape.”

  
“Ah, so there is no chance of it being an ineffective batch,” the Healer remarked. Harry made a strangled noise in the back of his throat.

  
While they had been talking, emergency Medi-wizard crews had set up multiple lines of fluids and equipment around Draco’s stretcher, and they had started to move it into an emergency room. Harry kept up beside the bed, the Healer following and continuing his questions. Someone had covered Draco’s nakedness with a stark white hospital sheet, and the contrast made his skin appear ashen and sickly.

  
They reached the emergency examination room and the Medi-wizards continued to move at a pace that Harry couldn’t keep up with. Draco was transferred from the emergency stretcher to the examination room’s bed and Healers started to perform diagnostic spells. The Healer still talking to Harry had asked him lots of general questions about Draco.

  
“Is he allergic to anything?”

  
Harry continued to watch the movement around him, his heart in his throat. Draco could die, why weren’t they doing more?

  
Oh Merlin. The thought of Draco dying almost made Harry’s heart stop. He can’t die.

  
“Mr Potter?” the Healer repeated.

  
Harry started to hyperventilate. “He can’t die!” Harry gasped.

  
“Mr Potter, my team will do the best they can. It’s very important for Draco that you answer my questions. Is he allergic to anything?”

  
Harry took deep breaths and tried to focus on the questions the Healer was asking him. “Umm, yes. Muggle morphine, and also wiggentree bark. I can’t… I can’t think of anything else.”

  
“That’s excellent, thank you Mr Potter. Medi-witch Nancy here is going to take you to a private waiting room now. There is a Floo network hook up there, you’ll be able to call anyone else who needs to know.”

  
“What?” Harry said, confused.

  
“Come with me, Mr Potter,” Nancy said, putting her hand on his arm. She started to tug him gently away from the room.

  
“No!” Harry exclaimed, pulling his arm back. “No, no way, I’m not leaving him!”

  
“I’m sorry, Mr Potter, but we can help him better if you are not here. Trust me, you’ll only get in the way,” Nancy said kindly.

  
“I can’t, I can’t leave, this is all my fault, oh Merlin!” Harry exclaimed, once more beginning to hyperventilate. He felt like he was choking. The room started to sway in front of him. “I can’t… I can’t leave…” he managed to say, before the room went black and he collapsed on the spot.

  
-

  
Harry felt consciousness return. He knew he was awake, but he had yet to open his eyes.

  
He felt a soft but thin mattress beneath him. His head was on a pillow. He couldn’t remember how exactly it was that he came to be sleeping.

  
He cracked open an eyelid and was met with stark, bright light. He moaned and covered his eyes with his hands. His head was pounding. He managed to peek through his fingers and glean some details about where he was.

  
The ceiling was stark white, and the walls a pale green. The floor was high-grade linoleum, with a marble look. He was on a cot, which had wheels. Looking further around the room he noticed about five basic-looking chairs. On one wall there was a fireplace, with Floo powder in a large cup attached to the wall beside it. No one else was in the room with him.

  
He looked to the door. It had a small glass square cut out at the top, which said _Private Visitors Room_.

  
He moaned again, trying to shake his headache away. He was confused and disoriented.

  
A Medi-witch walked through the door at that point.

  
“Mr Potter, I see you’re awake.”

  
Harry glanced at her. She had a familiar face. Suddenly everything came rushing back to him, as he recognized her as the witch who was trying to take him away from Draco…

  
“Draco!” he exclaimed, suddenly sitting bolt upright and trying to get off the cot.

  
“Mr Potter!” the witch exclaimed. “Calm down, and please remain seated,” Medi-witch Nancy said.

  
“But I have to get to Draco, he could die!”

  
“I assure you, Draco is receiving the best of care. There is nothing you can do right now.”

  
“But –”

  
“No ‘buts’ Mr Potter. You are unwell yourself and you need to take some of these potions. Settle down and let me help you.”

  
“What? I’m fine, there’s nothing wrong with me…”

  
“Mr Potter, you passed out in the emergency examination room shortly after Apparating into an area which should not allow Apparition. You extended the use of too much magic, and your body is paying the price.”

  
“I… I what?” Harry asked, dumbfounded.

  
“You Apparated directly into the main foyer of St Mungo’s, Mr Potter! Do you not remember?”

  
“I… I didn’t mean to. All I knew was that Draco could die, and I had to get help. I just thought about getting him here so hard… It must have just happened.”

  
“Exactly, Mr Potter. Your magic did what you needed it to. However, overuse of your magic can come at a price. I would say combined with the emotional turmoil you were feeling, your body was unable to keep up. Hence, your fainting spell.”

  
Harry looked at her and realized he did feel exhausted.

  
“Now, if you’ll take some of these potions, they will help you feel much better.”

  
She handed him a headache potion and a Pepper-Up potion. He downed the two, and instantly started to feel the effects wash over him.

  
“How’s Draco?” He asked.

  
“He’s currently still in the procedure room. The Healers are working intensively to bring him back and dilute the effects of the potion he’s consumed. However, he appears to be somewhat stable. We won’t know exactly what will happen for a little while longer, I’m afraid.”

  
“Can I see him?”

  
“Unfortunately not at this point, Mr Potter. It’s imperative that the Healers not be distracted. I will keep you informed of the progress. In the meantime, stay here. Floo whoever else needs to know, you may use the fireplace. There is food and drink in the cupboard in the corner.”

  
“Thanks,” Harry murmured, feeling despair wash over him anew.

  
“Call someone. You don’t want to be alone right now, trust me.”

  
Harry looked up and saw concern in her eyes. “Thank you, it means a lot.”

  
She nodded, and left the room.

  
Harry hung his head in his hands and rubbed his eyes. He felt tears rise up through him and catch in a lump in his throat. This was all his fault. The tears finally spilled over, and he sat there sobbing, chest heaving, for some time.

  
-

  
Some time later, Harry roused himself. He had spent a long time crying and thinking despondently. He kept thinking over and over that he couldn’t live without Draco, and he had no idea what he would do if he didn’t make it. He also hated himself. Hated that he had left Draco alone. Hated that he had needed Dreamless Sleep in the first place. Hated that the last time he had seen Draco, his lover had run crying from him. He hated that he had caused this.

  
He finally managed to walk over to the table and cupboard in the corner. He poured himself a cup of water and sipped it, trying to calm down.

  
He cast _Tempus_ and looked at the time. It was close to midnight.

  
He realized that the Weasleys could be worrying about him. He thought about telling Mrs Weasley what had happened, and he could feel her warm arms holding him tight. He knew that he needed their support.

  
He went to the Floo and immediately fire called the Burrow. There was no one in the sitting room, but he could feel magic alerting the household to a Floo call.

  
Mrs Weasley was the first to arrive in view of the fireplace, dressed in a fluffy pink bathrobe, her hair clipped into curlers.

  
“Harry! What’s wrong?” she instantly asked.

  
“Mrs Weasley… I…” Harry tried to start. His eyes welled up with tears again, he was sure they were bloodshot and red already anyway, and his face swollen and patchy.

  
“Harry, calm down, where are you?” Mrs Weasley said, taking charge on seeing that Harry was clearly a mess.

  
“St Mungo’s.”

  
“Stay there. I’m getting dressed and I’ll be right through. Don’t worry.”

  
“Thanks, Mrs Weasley,” Harry sobbed.

  
He sat down on the floor in front of the fireplace to wait. Ginny came down the stairs shortly after Mrs Weasley had dashed back up them. She was fully dressed.

  
“Harry! Are you alright?” she exclaimed.

  
Harry nodded numbly, then hesitated and shook his head.

  
“What’s happened?” Ginny asked.

  
Harry still couldn’t answer. He gestured a bit, but was unable to form words.

  
Just then, Mrs Weasley was back. She had covered her hair and was dressed in oddly matching clothes, but it didn’t matter.

  
“Harry, stand back, we’re coming through,” Mrs Weasley said.

  
Harry took his head out of the fireplace and stepped back. Instantly, the figure of Mrs Weasley appeared in the room with Ginny close behind her.

  
“Harry,” Mrs Weasley said, wrapping her arms tight around him. “Shhh, it will be OK.”

  
He leaned into the soft warmth of her embrace and felt his defences crumble. He had attempted a brave face for the fire call, but it wouldn’t hold. He started to cry, heart-wrenching sobs ripping through him.

  
“Here, come sit down, Harry dear,” Mrs Weasley said, leading him over to the chairs in the room. She sat him down in a chair and took the seat next to him. He leaned over, elbows on his knees and his head cradled between his hands, and let himself cry. Mrs Weasley continued to stroke his back the entire time.

  
Ginny had sat down on his other side and placed her hand on his knee.

  
After a few minutes of desperate, consuming sobs, Harry finally started to calm down.

  
“Shhh,” Mrs Weasley repeated. She had been making cooing and shushing noises throughout his crying fit.

  
He scrubbed his eyes roughly and sat up, leaning back in the chair. He looked up to the roof and took a deep breath.

  
“Harry, what’s happened? Why are we here?”

  
“It’s… It’s Draco,” he whispered. 

  
Mrs Weasley sat silently, nodding and allowing him to continue in his own time.

  
“Draco… I found him at home, on the bed... he was unconscious. I… I found my Dreamless Sleep potion bottle shattered all over the ground, and he must have taken it! It had been basically full!” Harry gasped. “His heartbeat was erratic… I didn’t know what else to do… I just Apparated straight here… And then I passed out because I wasn’t supposed to be able to Apparate into the emergency room of St Mungo’s…”

  
“Oh, Harry, it will be alright,” Mrs Weasley consoled.

  
“And they rushed him through, and they’re working on him now but they won’t let me see him, he could die, Mrs Weasley! I can’t… I can’t… oh Merlin I can’t have him die! I need to see him.” Harry jumped to his feet and started to pace the room, hands running through his hair in frustration.

  
“He… he did what?” Ginny stumbled.

  
Harry turned to look at her. She was paler than usual, her face having drained of all colour, and one hand was clutched tightly to her chest. Harry walked over to her and kneeled down in front of her, one hand resting on her knee.

  
“Ginny…” he said, but stopped, not sure what to say.

  
“He… he tried to _kill_ himself?” Ginny whispered.

  
“Ginny, dear, it will be alright,” Mrs Weasley said. “The Healers at St Mungo’s are only the best of the crop, I’m sure they will sort it out. We need to support Harry right now, my darling.”

  
“Oh, Harry, I’m so sorry, I’m just shocked. I can’t believe it! I knew… I knew you two were hurting but… why would he do this?” She rubbed her face and held her hands there a few seconds.

  
Harry was looking at the floor. They didn’t know the full story. They didn’t know what _he_ had done to push Draco over the edge. Tears welled in his eyes.

  
“I made a big mistake. I know Draco made a mistake, but I made an even bigger one when I saw him the other night,” Harry whispered. He wouldn’t say anymore however.

  
Mrs Weasley moved to the floor and hugged Harry to her chest. “We’ll sort it out. It will be alright, I promise you that,” she murmured.

  
Harry’s tears returned anew, and the two Weasley women comforted him from the floor of the waiting room.

  
-

  
Neville looked up from the ancient tome he had been sifting through. He had been researching all kinds of acute toxins that would result in the symptoms he had experienced. Of course, in the wizarding world, it could really be anything.

  
The most likely factor, however, was that he ate or drank the substance.

  
And on reflection, he had originally blamed his actions with Hermione on alcohol, and the morning following that night, he had thought his symptoms were a hangover. But, thinking back, he hadn’t really had all that many drinks. Maybe a glass or two of wine, from a shared bottle with Hermione.

  
Maybe he hadn’t been drunk.

  
He decided he needed to talk to Healer Strout, so he went to the fireplace and Floo called her office.

  
“Healer Strout? I’m sorry to bother you this early in the morning, but I wanted to see if you had any further information since we spoke yesterday?”

  
“Hi, Neville. It’s quite alright, I have been in the office a while now already,” she paused. “Unfortunately we haven’t yet had any definitive answers. They have been working around the clock on your blood work, as it has presented very odd symptoms.”

  
“I had some more thoughts on the situation which I thought may prove useful to the research, if you would like to hear them?” Neville said.

  
“Of course,” Healer Strout replied.

  
“Well, the night prior to my symptoms, I did something that was quite out of character for me. I am ashamed to admit it, but I slept with the wife of one of my best friends. At the time, I put it down to intoxication, as we had shared a few drinks. In hindsight though, I don’t think I had any more than one or two glasses.”

  
“Indeed,” Healer Strout mused, furiously writing notes. “I can tell you now that whatever this is, it had nothing to do with alcohol. You blood alcohol level was recorded, and it was minimal at best. There was some alcohol in your system, but it was in quantities that are quite insignificant. You shouldn’t have experienced the levels of pain you did the following day based on that.”

  
“Really?” Neville said, almost excited to realize that there was most definitely another factor at play in his shameful act with Hermione.

  
“You said you shared a bottle of wine?” Healer Strout queried.

  
“Yes… but I thought you said it wasn’t to do with alcohol?”

  
“It’s not the alcohol content I’m worried about. Did you eat or drink anything else within three hours of consuming the wine?”

  
“I had tea earlier in the evening, but that was quite early, at least four hours beforehand.”

  
“Did anyone else eat the same food?”

  
“Yes, the whole Weasley clan, I had a big meal with the family. It was all shared and help yourself to what you can eat, so we all ate the same things…” Neville was thinking hard.

  
“Did anyone else experience the same side effects?”

  
“I think Hermione was definitely ill the next day, but everyone else seemed fine. The Weasley boys had a Quidditch match that day, I remember. I was feeling much too ill to fly.”

  
“Hmm, curious.”

  
“Healer Strout? What are you thinking?”

  
“I think, Neville dear, that there was something else in the wine.”

  
“In the _wine_?”

  
“Yes.”

  
-

  
Harry hadn’t wanted to leave the hospital that night. He just couldn’t bring himself to leave. He needed to be there, in case anything happened.

  
They still hadn’t allowed him to see Draco.

  
Mrs Weasley and Ginny had sat with him for two more hours, silently waiting and hoping for good news. It finally reached two-thirty in the morning, and Ginny was unable to stay awake. Harry sent them both home to get some sleep. They had protested of course, but he insisted.

  
After they had left, he sat down on the small cot he had used before. He hadn’t meant to fall asleep, he had wanted to stay awake until Draco was awake too. But as soon as he felt the mattress beneath him, he succumbed to tiredness and slipped easily into sleep.

  
He awoke slowly hours later. He cast _Tempus_ again and saw that it was midmorning. He had slept for a whole eight hours. He inwardly grimaced. Too much time had passed since he had first found Draco.

  
He scrubbed at his face. He felt tired and dirty. He needed to shower. Most of all though, he needed to see Draco.

  
He moved to stand up from the bed, but before he had managed to stand, a Healer entered the room. It was the same Healer he had spoken to the night before when they had first arrived.

  
“Mr Potter, how are you feeling this morning?” she asked.

  
Harry just shrugged. “Can I see Draco, please?”

  
“I will be able to allow you to visit him shortly. However there are a few things we need to discuss before you can. I don’t know if we have been properly introduced, through all the trauma of last night. I am Healer Periwinkle.”

  
“What do we need to discuss?” Harry demanded.

  
“Mr Potter. You need to calm down and focus on what I am saying. You will need to have all your self-control today. Today is not going to be easy for you. But you will get through it, I promise you that much.”

  
Harry gulped, digesting her direct words. He took a deep breath and calmed himself.

  
“OK,” he said. “I promise to keep calm.”

  
“Right,” Healer Periwinkle said. “I am going to describe to you what has happened to Mr Malfoy over the last twelve hours. Do you think you will be able to handle letting me speak, without interruption, until I have finished?”

  
“Yes, I promise. Please just tell me what’s happened. Is he OK?” _Is he alive?_

  
Healer Periwinkle took a deep breath. “He is currently in a deep sleep, which the Healers have not been able to fully bring him out of. When you brought him into the hospital last night, we believe he must have taken the potion only minutes prior, otherwise we would not have been able to do as much as we have.

  
“Our first steps were to ascertain it was indeed Dreamless Sleep he had consumed. You were correct in that assumption. If you had not found him when you did, he may have passed so far into sleep that his body would have shut down. He’s lucky to be alive right now.

  
“The Healers were able to bring him back from the more drastic levels of unconsciousness the potion had caused. His bodily functions are all working normally, and his mental acuity and reflexes all seem to be working fine. However, he is still asleep. It took hours to draw him back to this stage, and if we push his body any further, it may do irreparable damage. The only thing we can do now is wait and see if he can awaken on his own. The unconsciousness is quite natural, and the potion is largely removed from his system. We’ll just have to wait it out and _hope_ he makes it out on his own.”

  
Harry stared at her. Draco was _alive_!

  
But he may not wake up. Harry shuddered and looked up at Healer Periwinkle.

  
“Please, I need to see him.”

 

-

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed the chapter, please let me know what you think! <3


	7. Chapter Seven

**Chapter Seven**

  
_He couldn’t move. I couldn’t breathe. And a miniscule fire in my heart started to burn once more. Could it be that nothing was as it seemed? All I know is I was sleepwalking, and my friends brought me back._

  
-

  
Neville had decided this visit was best made in person. With a soft  _pop_ , he Apparated to the street outside his destination. He walked briskly up the footpath to the front door, breathing warm air into his freezing fingers. It had snowed last night.

  
He stopped in front of the door, and paused for a moment, before taking a deep breath and knocking on the solid oak.

  
There was a rustling sound from inside. He waited a few minutes, and finally the door opened.

  
“Neville,” Ron said.

  
“Hi Ron.”

  
There was an awkward silence.

  
“What are you doing here?” Ron asked, his tone stiff.

  
“I need to talk to you both. Is Hermione in?”

  
“I’m not sure there is anything to talk about, Neville,” Ron replied. He started to move to shut the door.

  
“Wait! Ron, it’s important.” He shoved his hand onto the wooden doorframe, preventing Ron from closing the door. “Trust me, you’ll want to hear this.”

  
Ron scrutinized Neville for a few moments, staring into his face as if trying to decide how wise it would be to do as he asked.

  
Finally, Ron conceded and opened the door wide, gesturing him in.

  
“Thanks,” Neville murmured. He’d been to Ron and Hermione’s cottage before, and he headed towards the informal dining area, connected to the kitchen.

  
“This better be good, Neville, whatever it is. Have a seat while I fetch Hermione.”

  
Neville sat at the kitchen table and waited. After a few minutes he heard two sets of footsteps on the stairs, and Hermione entered the room, followed by Ron. She didn’t look good. Her eyes were bloodshot, surrounded by dark circles. Neville looked away, feeling slightly guilty. He had helped ruin this relationship. Or had he? He had a feeling this situation wasn’t just as it appeared.

  
“Neville,” Hermione started. “I… I don’t…” she broke off. She cleared her throat. “Would you like some water, or tea?”

  
“No thank you,” Neville replied.

  
“Let’s hear it then,” Ron said, abruptly, trying to get through this awkward situation.

  
“Hermione,” Neville started. She looked away from him, and Neville knew it must be hard for her to be in the same room as her husband and the man she had cheated on him with.

  
“I had a test taken, the day after we… ahem,” Neville launched in. “I was seriously ill, more so than was usual for a hangover for me. I visited my parents that day as well, and my Healer thought it wise to take some blood to be on the safe side, as a standard pain potion had no effect. Those tests results came in yesterday.”

  
“Don’t tell me you lot have got some sexually transmitted disease that I now have as well,” Ron moaned, being unnecessarily harsh.

  
Neville blushed slightly. “No, that’s not it at all.”

  
“Neville, I don’t see what this has to do with everything…” Hermione trailed off.

  
Neville cleared his throat again. “My Healer called me with the results yesterday. My blood alcohol level was next to zero.”

  
“What… what do you mean?” Hermione said. “We were drunk! We had to be! I can barely remember what happened!”  
  


“Are you telling me you took advantage of my wife without being drunk?” Ron raged.

  
“Calm down, Ron. No, that’s not what I’m saying. Let me finish. While there was little to no alcohol in my blood, there were heavy traces of some form of acute toxin. A poison, of sorts. My Healer suspects that we were drugged.”

  
A long silence followed his admission while Hermione and Ron tried to get their head around it.

  
“Drugged?” Ron finally said.

  
“Yes,” Neville confirmed. “We don’t know anything more yet. But it would explain the heavy symptoms we both experienced the day after. You were ill that day too, weren’t you Hermione?”

  
“Yes…” she said, thinking. “And I had the exact same symptoms the day following Draco…” Her eyes went round.

  
“You were drugged?” Ron said, blinking.

  
“Yes, it all makes sense now!” Hermione exclaimed. “My memory of those nights is so patchy, I can barely remember any of it. And I could have sworn I didn’t drink that much, but then when I went looking the next day the bottle was empty so I assumed it was just the alcohol…”

  
“It still doesn’t change what happened, though, does it?” Ron said, anger written all over his face.

  
“Ron, don’t you see, it changes everything,” Neville said. “We have no idea yet what  _kind_  of drug was used. And from the result, I have my money on some kind of lust potion. If it’s the same thing that was used on Draco, it made a gay man cheat on his partner, for Merlin’s sake!”

  
Ron blinked a few more times. “So you mean to say… that this wasn’t necessarily voluntary?”

  
“Think about it, Ron, no one can really understand just why they did it, just that they did. They all feel incredibly guilty and sorry, because they know they’ve done wrong. But none of us know why, none of us can  _remember_  just why we did what we did. It doesn’t make sense!”

  
“But now, knowing there was a drug in your system…” Hermione said.

  
“Yes!” Neville said.

  
Suddenly the Floo called, a ringing sound filling the room.

  
The three occupants of the room stood dumbfounded looking at each other for a few moments, absorbing this news. The Floo rang again. Ron finally snapped out of it and went to the fireplace at the end of the room and opened up the call. Mrs Weasley’s head appeared in the flames.

  
“Oh, Ron, thank goodness you’re there. It’s Harry. Something’s happened. Draco’s in St Mungo’s,” Mrs Weasley said, her voice wobbling, and the whole room heard her words.

  
“What… what do you mean?” Ron said, still recovering from Neville’s news.

  
“You need to get to St Mungo’s and support Harry. Draco… he’s… he could die,” Mrs Weasley sobbed.

  
“What’s happened?” Hermione gasped.

  
“Harry found him last night… He tried to… to… He took a whole bottle of Dreamless Sleep… we don’t know if they got to him in time… I haven’t heard from Harry yet this morning, but we spent a couple of hours with Harry last night, he was a mess. He made us go home at about three in the morning. Your father and I are going to go up after lunch and see how it’s going, but, oh, Ron, Harry’s a mess. Ginny’s already there.”

  
Ron just stared at her dumbfounded. Hermione was the first to jump into action. She stood and walked to Ron, touched him lightly on the shoulder. “Mrs Weasley, thank you for letting us know,” she said respectfully, still not sure where she stood with her mother-in-law. “We’ll head up there now. Ron? Is that what you want to do?”

  
Ron nodded. “Yes. Yes lets go. Mum, I’ll see you up there later.”

  
“Good,” Mrs Weasley said. “I love you, dear, and make sure Harry knows I love him too, we’re all thinking of him.”

  
“Thanks Mum, we better go.” With that they terminated the fire call, and prepared to leave.

  
“You better come too, Neville,” Ron said. “I think Harry will need to hear what you just told us. We’ll see how things stand when we get there though.”

  
“Of course,” Neville said, shaken by the news. Draco had… had tried to kill himself? What on earth happened?

  
-

  
Harry took a deep breath, and reached out for the door handle. He closed his eyes. He could feel the presence of Healer Periwinkle behind him, holding Draco’s chart and prepared to answer any of his questions.

  
He let out the breath he had been holding and slowly opened his eyes. This nightmare had not disappeared. It was still happening.

  
He finally found the courage to turn the handle, and open the door. It swung gently open. A Medi-Witch was inside the room, checking Draco’s central line.

  
Harry found himself unable to look at the bed. He looked at everything but. He saw it was a comfortable, large private room. He saw a window overlooking the Thames, but with the image dulled by a shade charm, so barely any natural light entered the room. The overhead lights were soft and warm, not cold and stark like the rest of the hospital. Everywhere there was linoleum marble-look flooring, and pale green walls. He would hate those colours by the time he left St Mungo’s.

  
Finally he gathered enough courage to look at Draco’s pale form, lying so still and silent on the hospital bed, covered in white hospital sheets.

  
His hair was pushed back from his forehead. His skin was pale, paler than usual, and with a sickly tone. His eyes were clamped shut. Magically attached fluids were entering his body through one arm, but he was breathing on his own. Harry stared as his chest rose and fell softly.

  
Harry took a hesitant step forward, and then another. He finally got to the side of the bed. His hand went out to touch him, but then jumped back. He turned to look at the Healer.

  
“Can I…?”

  
“You can touch him, Mr Potter. His magic seems to be quite stable.”

  
Harry nodded. He looked back to Draco, and reached down with one hand, grasping Draco’s limp fingers into his own palm.

  
The Medi-Witch who was already in the room levitated a chair to Harry’s side of the bed. Harry nodded gratefully and sat down next to Draco, still holding his hand. He looked at Draco’s face, and couldn’t help but stroke his cheek, and then stroke his hair back. He leaned forward and kissed the back of the limp hand he was already holding.

  
Draco was so still.

  
Harry felt like he was in a trance, almost another world. It was so surreal.

  
And then it hit him again that this was all his fault. Pain wrenched through his chest, and tears welled in his eyes. He sobbed into his free hand, still holding Draco’s.

  
“Please, please wake up,” he whispered.

  
-

  
Ginny stared at the scene through the glass-paneled windows. Draco lay pale and stiff on the bed, almost like a statue. Harry sat next to him, holding his hand, looking small and defeated.

  
She couldn’t bring herself to go any further. She had intended to go to Harry and comfort him… but this scene… it made her heart break.

  
She couldn’t explain it, but her heart felt like it was tearing itself apart. She felt so torn. She could almost feel Harry’s emotions, they were so palpable, and knew just how hurt he was.

  
But she had to stay strong. For Harry.

  
She looked on without interrupting for a while, watching Harry’s minute movements, all focused on providing affection to Draco.

  
“Ginny,” came her brother’s voice.

  
She blinked, and turned to face Ron, Neville and Hermione.

  
That was an interesting collection of people to arrive together, she mused.

  
“Ron,” she said softly.

  
“How is Harry? Mum called, Draco…?” he trailed off, unsure how to continue.

  
“I honestly don’t know,” Ginny sighed. “I haven’t been able to bring myself to go in. Harry looks so… defeated. I’ve never seen him like this, not ever.” She crossed her arms over her chest, unsure.

  
“It’ll be alright, Ginny,” Ron murmured, pulling her into a hug.

  
“It’s just… he’s always been the strong one, you know? He never gives up, he never looks beaten. But now? I’m not so sure he’ll bounce back from this, Ron.”

  
Ron kissed the top of her head in the mass of her red hair. “Whatever happens, at least he has us.” Ron stepped back from his sister.

  
Ginny looked over his shoulder at Neville and Hermione. “Hey,” she said softly, still not sure how to treat some of her oldest friends, given recent developments.

  
Hermione smiled at Ginny, and Neville nodded. They stood in tense silence, all unsure what to do.

  
Finally, Ginny saw Harry rub his eyes and stand up. He turned, and saw them outside through the glass panels. He turned back and kissed Draco on the forehead, and then walked towards the door and stepped outside of the room.

  
“Hey,” Harry said meekly.

  
The first thing Ginny noticed was how bloodshot his eyes were, deep purple staining under them from exhaustion.

  
“Oh, Harry,” she said, rushing to him and hugging him. She held him tight, and she felt him break in her embrace. He sobbed once, and then tried to collect himself again. He pushed back against her and stepped back, wiping his eyes.

  
“What can we do, Harry?” Hermione asked.

  
Harry just shook his head. “N-” he started, and his voice croaked and broke. “Nothing,” he said, clearing his throat. “There’s nothing to do but wait. The Healers have done all they can, and they were able to prevent his body from s-s-shutting down, but they don’t know how long he’ll be asleep for. It’s up to him to wake up on his own now. They said he… he might never…” Harry broke off, and shook his head. He rubbed at his eyes with his hand.

  
Ginny wanted to hold him again, and tell him it would all be fine. It would all be fine. She was determined. It would be fine.

  
-

  
Harry was glad Ron and Ginny were here. He wasn’t quite sure how to handle Hermione, or Neville for that matter. But their support was invaluable. He had gone back into Draco’s room, resumed his seat and picked up Draco’s hand again. Ginny sat in the room with him, but not next to the bed. She had moved into the corner, to give Harry some privacy. The other three sat outside, talking in quiet tones, too soft for Harry to hear, but came in and out frequently to check on him and bring him food and water. Arthur and Molly arrived an hour later after the others did, and took turns sitting next to him and holding  _his_  hand.

  
The day passed, and Draco slept on.

  
In the evening, Mrs Weasley conjured a table and chairs in the corner of Draco’s room, and with another flick of her wrist laid the table with hot, fresh food for tea.

  
“Come, Harry dear,” she said softly. “Come sit and eat with us. It won’t take long.”

  
Harry nodded and moved to the small table, the other’s filtering in. It was a subdued meal, and conversation was light. In respect of Draco, most were quiet. Mrs Weasley had insisted on eating in his room, it was by far big enough, and it would make it easier on Harry who could still watch over him but get some food down at the same time. The Healers pretended not to notice, as it was technically against protocol.

  
“Harry,” Ron said when they had finished eating. “Do you mind if I have a private word?”

  
Harry looked at his best mate and nodded. “Do you mind if we stay here? I don’t want to go too far…”

  
“Of course, Harry dear,” Mrs Weasley said, ushering everyone out the door and spelling away the remains of their meal and the furniture. Harry noticed Ginny lingering, trying to catch his eye, but Mrs Weasley pulled her outside with the rest.

  
When they were alone, Harry went back to the bed and sat down in the same chair he had been in all day. Ron pulled another chair up beside him.

  
“There’s something I need to tell you,” Ron said.

  
Harry glanced at him, noticing his strange tone.

  
“It’s about Neville… and Hermione and Draco,” Ron started. “I know this is a bad time, but it might help. Neville thinks he was drugged, the night he was with Hermione. He came to us this morning. He had a blood test done, and the results haven’t told him exactly what kind of drug, just that it was a toxin of sorts. I don’t fully understand, but his Healer is still looking into what it was. Neville suspects it was a lust potion. And he thinks whoever gave it to him, also gave it to Hermione and Draco.”

  
Harry held Ron’s eyes.

  
“I… I don’t understand,” Harry stumbled.

  
“I don’t either. But it might be that none of them did that on purpose. It might be that they did it against their will.”

  
“So… someone drugged them? Made them do… that?” Harry said slowly.

  
“Maybe,” Ron said.

  
Harry glanced back at Draco’s pale, unconscious form, and watched his chest rise and fall. His mind drifted back to Draco’s multiple protestations that he didn’t know why he did it, and he still loved Harry…

  
“No,” Harry said suddenly. “I don’t want false hope.” He shook his head.

  
“Harry…” Ron trailed off.

  
“Find out what happened. What this… toxin actually is. Until then I just can’t deal with this right now.”

  
“Alright, Harry, that’s fine, mate.” Ron stood up and squeezed Harry’s shoulder, before leaving the room quietly.

  
Harry just continued to stare at Draco’s unmoving form.

  
“I wish it were true,” Harry whispered to Draco, squeezing his hand. He felt his chest burn with love all of a sudden, a love he had thought was lost the moment Draco had admitted his betrayal. “It has to be true.”

 

-

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel the need to talk about perspectives and this story very briefly. This story started out being primarily from Harry's perspective, and is gradually expanding to be told by more and more characters. It's essential to the plot for this to happen, but at the same time, I feel in this chapter especially, Harry isn't capable of telling the story anymore. His mind is just... blank, for lack of a better word. I physically can't write more from his perspective because all he's feeling is numbness, his mind is blank, he can't feel anything at all, except Draco's limp and cold hand between his own clammy fingers. We'll come back to Harry's perspective more and more as his mental state changes.

**Chapter Eight**

 

_-_

 

_I remember the answers to health related questions much more diligently now than I did then. I’ve learnt my lesson to be more diligent, to pay more attention. I won’t let myself be in that position again. I won’t lose anyone else because of my ignorance._

  
-

  
“Mr Potter,” Healer Periwinkle repeated.

  
“Sorry, I was… I was thinking,” Harry said, snapping out of his stupor.

  
“That’s quite alright, Mr Potter,” the Healer said, walking around to the other side of Draco’s bed. “I need to confirm a few things with you.”

  
“Of course,” Harry said, leaning back in his chair and rubbing at his eyes.

  
“When you first brought Mr Malfoy into the hospital, we asked you what he was allergic to, do you remember?”

  
“Yes,” Harry nodded. “Morphine and wiggentree bark.”

  
“I want to talk to you about wiggentree bark. Do you know for certain he’s allergic? And what sort of reaction does it bring on?”

  
Harry looked at the Healer with confusion written all over his face. “Why do you need to know that?”

  
“Mr Potter, do you know what wiggentree bark is?”

  
“Not really, no. I was never good at potions.”

  
“It’s the main ingredient for the Wiggenweld potion,” Healer Periwinkle sighed. “If he truly is allergic to wiggentree bark, we are very limited in our options to help Draco further.”

  
“What does the Wiggenweld potion do?” Harry questioned.

  
“It’s a highly powerful healing potion, usually used to draw someone out of a magically induced sleeping or comatose state. It’s very expensive, rare and difficult to make, but it’s highly effective. Given your respective financial backgrounds, I would usually not hesitate to recommend such a potion to help bring Mr Malfoy back. But given his allergy… it’s difficult to know whether it’s worth risking his allergic reaction in order to help him to wake up, or whether it would just do more harm than good.”

  
Harry took a deep breath. He couldn’t remember exactly what Draco had said about wiggentree bark, just that he was allergic to it. Mrs Malfoy would know… but Draco hadn’t spoken to Narcissa in years. Harry wasn’t about to start now, given the woman’s absence in their lives. He had called her earlier in the week to tell her that Draco was suffering from a life-threatening illness, but she had yet to make an appearance, despite her distraught looks.

  
He couldn’t rely on Narcissa showing up to save them this time.

  
“I really don’t know what it does to him, I’m sorry. I can’t remember… You don’t expect these sorts of things to happen when you talk about allergies, when you’re healthy and… happy.”

  
“I understand,” Healer Periwinkle said. “Is there anyone else we could contact who might know?”

  
“Draco wasn’t really… close to many people before this. I mean, his childhood friends and relatives… well.”

  
Healer Periwinkle just nodded. Draco’s background and involvement with the war was of course common knowledge, even if it was a taboo conversation topic.

  
“Maybe… Pansy might know,” Harry sighed, hating that he couldn’t remember.

  
“Do you think you could make some enquiries? It is vital to speed along Mr Malfoy’s recovery. I have requested Mr Malfoy’s medical records, but there doesn’t seem to be much on file. It may be that the Malfoys kept a private physician, to keep their medical records out of public knowledge. We really do need more information on his medical history.”

  
“Yes, yes of course, I’ll look into it today,” Harry said.

  
“Thank you. From here, if we can’t give Mr Malfoy Wiggenweld potion, there really is nothing we can do but wait. We don’t suggest Wiggenweld potion usually until they have been unconscious for over seventy-two hours, it’s usually best to see if they’ll come out of this state on their own over the first few days. Mr Malfoy meets the criteria now for us to administer Wiggenweld. The sooner we find out about his allergy the better.”

  
“And if we can’t give him Wiggenweld?” Harry asked softly.

  
“Then all we can do is make sure he’s hydrated and receiving proper nutrients, and wait for him to make a natural recovery. We really do need his medical records.”

  
Harry nodded. “So we can’t do anything else?”

  
“Unfortunately not, Mr Potter.”

  
Harry just nodded again. “Thank you, for all your hard work and kindness,” Harry said, looking up and meeting the Healer’s eyes.

  
“You’re welcome.”

  
-

  
“Harry’s been here for over three days now,” Hermione said, concern laced through her voice. “He needs to go home and sleep!”

  
“I know, Hermione, but you try telling him that. He won’t leave,” Ron replied.

  
“He’s not going to be any use to Draco if he runs himself into the ground. He needs sleep, downtime, a shower!” she exclaimed. “At least Molly is keeping him well fed.”

  
Ron nodded. Things had started to settle somewhat back to normalcy between Hermione and him since Draco had been in hospital, and Neville’s revelation. It was so easy for the two of them to cling onto the idea that it wasn’t Hermione’s fault, because the alternative was too hard to deal with. The week previous, before Neville had come to them, had been so difficult. Hermione had been so desperate to fix things between them, and Ron just didn’t know what to think. He couldn’t handle that Hermione had betrayed him at all, let alone with two men. It was impossible.

  
But this toxin in Neville’s blood… it might just save them.

  
It had become their crutch in the last few days.

  
“If Draco  _does_  wake up, and Harry’s a mess, he’ll be no help to Draco. He needs to save his strength for when he wakes up, recovery is a hard road.”

  
“If Draco wakes up,” Ron said morosely.

  
“Ron!” Hermione exclaimed. “Don’t think like that. We have to think positively. He will wake up.”

  
“Whatever you say,” Ron muttered.

  
“It’s the power of positive thinking, Ronald! Say it – he will wake up!”

  
“He will wake up,” Ron parroted, to keep her happy. Ron was really starting to doubt that eventuality though, and he had no idea how to help his best mate through this. They’d been through so much together, but this?

  
If Draco died… He knew Harry would never fully recover. Harry had always been obsessed with Draco. Ron had been able to see it for a long time, even going so far back as sixth year. It had been why Ron had so easily accepted their relationship. He would always remember the look of shock on Harry’s face when they had first told him, and Ron hadn’t blown up in fury or anger over it, had simply nodded and said “About time.”

  
He’d always been able to see that… spark… between Harry and Draco. There was no other word for it. A spark of invisible magic jumped through the room every time they looked at each other. It was something only someone so close to them would notice, but it was there. A desperate, consuming love. There would never be anyone who could match that for Harry, Ron could tell. Losing Draco for Harry… it would be like losing part of your soul.

  
So he had no idea how he was going to get his best mate through this, if it came to the worst.

  
“I think I’ll go check on him, then,” Ron announced. The waiting room was close to Draco’s private room, and they had done quite a lot of waiting here over the past few days. It only took a few strides to reach the door to Draco’s room.

  
“Knock knock,” Ron said softly, tapping his knuckles against the wood at the same time.

  
Harry was still seated in his chair next to Draco’s bed, but his arms and head had been resting on the bed, next to Draco’s still form. When he heard Ron, he sat up slowly and rubbed at his eyes.

  
“Hey,” was all Harry managed.

  
“Hey,” Ron said back. He pulled the other chair closer to Harry. “You really should go home and get some rest, mate.”

  
“I can’t,” Harry said, turning back to Draco and taking up his almost-lifeless palm.

  
“I can keep watch on him if you like. You really need to sleep, Harry.”

  
“What if something happens? What if he wakes up and I’m not here? Or… or worse?” Harry almost choked at the thought of a worse possibility.

  
“Then one of us will fire call you straight away, and you can be back here within minutes. You need rest. You’ll be no help to Draco if he does wake up and you’re a mess. You need to be his rock.”

  
“Hmm,” Harry said, noncommittally.

  
Ron sighed and leaned back in his chair.

  
“The Healer came in before,” Harry started.

  
“I saw,” Ron said. “Any news?”

  
“There’s no change. But they asked me about his allergies. I could remember what he was allergic to, but I couldn’t remember why or what sort of reaction he has because of those allergies. The one thing that might be able to save him, and I can’t remember.”

  
“What do you mean?” Ron asked, confused.

  
“Wiggenweld potion. Draco’s allergic to wiggentree bark. They wanted to know what sort of a reaction he had, whether it could potentially be safe to administer Wiggenweld or whether it could be fatal. I had no idea. I’m so useless.”

  
“Harry…” Ron said. “It’s alright. No one remembers that sort of stuff. It doesn’t make you useless. At least you knew his allergies, so they knew to take a precaution. I’m not sure I know Hermione’s, although she probably knows mine off by heart,” Ron chuckled.

  
Harry gave Ron a weak smile. They sat in content silence for a long while.

  
Harry finally sighed. “I need to make a fire call,” he murmured. “Would you mind keeping an eye on Draco for me while I just duck out?”

  
“Of course,” Ron said, his smile strained.

  
“Thanks,” Harry said, standing quickly and exiting through the door.

  
Ron looked down at Draco’s unmoving form.

  
It was hard to believe this man made his best mate so happy. It was also hard to believe he had ruined Ron’s happiness by sleeping with his wife. Of course, it wasn’t just Draco… but still.

  
Ron reminded himself he was here for Harry, and nothing more. It didn’t matter what personal issues he had with the guy, he had to look out for him for Harry’s sake. He sighed and leaned back in his chair. There was a barely-audible, but consistent beep coming from the magical life support, and Ron assumed it was monitoring Draco’s heartbeat and other vitals. As he sat there, watching Draco and waiting for Harry, that tiny beep started to annoy him. He twitched in his chair. He crossed and uncrossed his legs.

  
Beep… beep…

  
He jumped up and strode to the other side of the room. He leaned his forehead against the glass and stared out the magically shaded window.

  
There was something eluding his attention, flicking around at the back of his mind, but he couldn’t quite catch it. Something that didn’t quite add up.

  
His thoughts flicked back to what Neville had said about the toxin. He thought it was some kind of lust potion. It had to have been. But… where did it come from? He’d said later that it must have been in the wine, according to his Healer. But… the wine. Why had no one stopped to think about where the wine had come from? Who added the toxin to it?

  
Ron’s breath caught. It had to be someone in the family. Or at least, someone who had visited his family over the Christmas period. Everything had happened at the Burrow…

  
He turned and looked at Draco. “Who gave you three the wine, hey?” he said softly to Draco, not expecting an answer. “Not just once, but twice…” he mused. So it had to be someone who was present both when Neville and when Draco had been there… But so many family members and friends had come and gone throughout Christmas it was hard to keep track. Even he and Hermione didn’t live there anymore, despite the fact that they had been present for the majority of their holiday break.

  
Suddenly, everyone was a suspect. He just couldn’t understand who would do something like this to them all.

  
-

  
“Neville,” Healer Strout’s voice came through over the fire call. “I called you as soon as we knew.”

  
“Thank you, what’ve you got?” Neville replied.

  
“We’ve never seen this before, not the lab, myself, or a trusted colleague of mine. It seems to be a warped form of Amortentia. It has all of the strength, but none of the common infatuation or obsession properties commonly caused by the potion. All of the emotional and caring properties are missing… but the lust properties are so strong, the strength is off the charts! If you hadn’t of told us about your experience it would have been impossible to narrow down these results. But we know for certain now. Someone has used the base of an Amortentia potion, but changed it. It’s the strongest lust potion I’ve ever seen!”

  
Neville stared at her wide eyed. “A-a-amortentia?” Neville stuttered. “But that’s…”

  
“The strongest love potion in the world? Yes, I know,” Healer Strout finished for him. “Someone has concocted the strongest lust potion in the world. I’ve never seen anything like this done before. It could get very dangerous if word of this spreads, if the formula spreads. It could so easily be used on someone against their will. It’s practically rape! It leaves the subject consumed with lust and a need to consummate that lust with the first person the subject sets eyes on. It won’t stop driving you to sexual acts until they follow through with intercourse. It’s so strong that it clouds the mind throughout this stage, which is why you’re left not knowing exactly what happened, and with severe illness the next day in the form of headaches and nausea. It’s like recovering from a concussion, the potion is so strong it affects your brain in the same way.”

  
“This is… it’s unbelievable!” Neville exclaimed.

  
“What’s more, we can probably still find traces of the potion in your system. The combination of moonstone and mandrake root has a very distinctive marker, and can remain evident in the blood for up to six months.”

  
“So… you’re telling me we could test the others to see if they’ve been drugged as well?”

  
“Yes, we can.”

 

-


	9. Chapter Nine

**Chapter Nine**

 

  
_After all we’ve been through, the final betrayal was almost too much. Suspicion is a disease, and once the infection was planted, it spread and destroyed._

  
  
-

  
  
Harry sighed as he walked back into Draco’s room, noticing Ron standing by the window and gazing out at the dimmed scenery. He rubbed at his eyes as he moved to sit back into his usual chair.

  
“I tried to fire-call Pansy, but I’ve not been able to find her,” he sighed, as Ron walked back over to him. “I need to find her or Narcissa, to get his medical records, and they’re both out of reach.”

  
Ron put a hand on his shoulder. “No one’s out of reach for us, Harry, we’ll find one of them. I’ll get someone in our team at the office onto it.”

  
Harry nodded, grateful for the help from the Auror office. Ron and Harry worked closely as Auror team leaders with a group of twelve split between them.

  
“Harry, there’s something else. If the drug was in the wine, someone had to put it there. Draco, Hermione, Neville, they were all at the Burrow when it happened.”

  
“So?” Harry replied, not able to fully think it through, lack of sleep and his worry for Draco clouding his mind.

  
“That means someone who came to the Burrow for Christmas put it there. Someone we think of as a close family member or friend put it there. Someone we know drugged our partners and fucked with our lives.”

  
Harry looked slowly up at Ron, realization settling inside him.

  
“But… but that would mean someone… someone intentionally tried to hurt them?”

  
There was a sudden knock at Draco’s door, which made both Ron and Harry jump.

  
“Can I come in? It’s urgent,” Neville said from the doorway.

  
Ron looked to Harry.

  
“Sure, Neville.”

  
“I’ve got the test results from Healer Strout. It’s something they’ve never seen before. It’s a lust potion, based on Amortentia. Basically the strongest lust potion in the world, the effects of which have never been seen before, and it’s conducive to rape. After consumed, it compels you to have intercourse with the first person you set eyes on, and it also leaves you with all those nasty side effects we all had because of how it messes with your brain.”

  
Harry just looked at Neville dumbfounded.

  
“So you’re saying,” Ron started, “that Hermione had no choice?” His eyes looked hopeful, despite the dire nature of Neville’s revelation.

  
“Yes,” Neville said. “Nor did Draco or myself, if we had all consumed the potion. What’s more, Healer Strout can test for it, even now. All she needs is a blood sample, and she can give us an answer within the hour.”

  
“So… we’ll have conclusive proof that all three of you were affected by a lust potion?” Harry stumbled.

  
Neville just nodded.

  
“This is brilliant, Neville!” Ron exclaimed. “Well, I know it’s not brilliant that you were drugged, but being able to test for it!”

  
Harry caught Ron’s eyes, and knew that this would likely save his best friends’ marriage. A rush of warmth went through him knowing that Hermione didn’t betray Ron, or Harry for that matter.

  
He looked down at Draco and a soft smile spread across his face, knowing that Draco had meant what he said that day in the snow.

  
But all the warmth left him when he remembered why they were here, what he had done to make Draco so upset that he would attempt to take his own life. He had forced himself on Draco that night.

  
A thought clicked in his mind. What if he had been drugged that night as well? Was it even possible?

  
“Neville, how soon can Healer Strout do these blood tests?” Harry asked.

  
“As soon as we want her to. She just needs to draw some blood, so it won’t take long at all.”

  
“Can you set it up for her to test Draco as soon as possible?” Harry asked.

  
“Of course,” Neville agreed.

  
“Ron, you should find Hermione and tell her what’s happened, maybe she can get her blood taken at the same time as Draco?” Harry said.

  
“That’s a good idea,” Neville agreed. “I’ll go let Healer Strout know we want her to test both of them right away.” Neville turned for the door.

  
“Neville, wait on a moment,” Harry said.

  
Neville turned back to him.

  
“Can you…” Harry started in a soft voice. He cleared his throat and started again. “Can you ask her to test me as well?” Harry finally admitted.

  
Both Ron and Neville looked at him in confusion.

  
Harry swallowed heavily. “Something happened, between Draco and I, right before… he…” Harry choked, unable to say it. “I couldn’t stop it, at the time I didn’t know what happened to me, and this… Draco being here…” his voice broke, a few stray tears escaping down his face, unable to look at either Ron or Neville.

  
Neville immediately jumped to the rescue, noting how bewildered Ron looked. “Sure, Harry, don’t worry about anything. I’ll get Healer Strout to test you at the same time. It’ll be fine,” Neville soothed.

  
Ron stepped over to Harry and awkwardly patted him on the back.

  
“I better go find Healer Strout,” Neville said. “Will you both be alright while I’m gone?”

  
“Yeah, we’ll be fine mate,” Ron agreed.

  
“See you soon, I’m sure Healer Strout will come down to Draco’s room.”

  
Harry nodded, still unable to look up.

  
Ron patted his shoulder again. “I better go find Hermione and tell her the news,” he said softly. Harry wasn’t able to look up and meet his friend’s eyes. “Harry, c’mon, it’ll be fine. We’ll get your blood tested too, and I’m sure we’ll work it all out.”

  
“How could someone do this to us,” Harry whispered. “Someone we know and trust.”

  
“It’ll be alright, trust me, Harry, we’re going to work this out, and then whoever did this is going to Azkaban for a very long time. I’ll make sure of it.”

  
Harry nodded. “Go find Hermione, and get her to come back in here then, I’m sure it will save Healer Strout if we’re all in one place.”

  
“I’ll be back in a minute,” Ron agreed, walked back out the door.

  
Harry sighed and buried his face into the bed next to Draco.

  
“I’m so sorry, Draco. I should have believed you,” he whispered into the blanket. “I shouldn’t have done what I did. Even if I was drugged as well, I’m so sorry. Please, just wake up, so we can fix this mess. I love you, please don’t leave me.”

  
  
-

  
  
Ginny watched from the waiting room as Harry went back into Draco’s room and talked in hushed tones with Ron, and then as Neville rushed back into the room. The conversation between the three of them seemed really strange, without know what was being said. She saw Harry tense, and Neville and Ron look strangely at him. She saw Harry break down again, and Ron try to comfort him. It took all her will power not to run to Harry then, and hold him.

  
She watched as Neville, and then Ron, rushed out of the room, intent looks on their faces. Neville headed off to the elevators, and moments later Ron came towards the waiting room.

  
A couple of other family members were in the waiting room. Hermione was sitting opposite her, next to Mrs Weasley (who was knitting as per usual) and facing away from Draco’s room, so she didn’t see any of the comings and goings. George had joined them, and was sitting next to Ginny, leaning back with his eyes shut.

  
Ron made a beeline for Hermione.

  
“Hermione, can I borrow you?” Ron said.

  
Hermione looked up from the book that was settled in her lap and looked at Ron with confusion. “Of course,” she said, putting the book aside and standing up. Ron led her away from the waiting room and out of sight.

  
Ginny sighed. Something was going on and she wasn’t part of it, like usual. She stood up suddenly. Her mother looked up at her questioningly.

  
“I’m going to check on Harry,” she said quickly, and walked off before anyone could protest. She’d been warned by her mother to give Harry as much space as he wanted and not to over crowd him, and knew she would probably have protested if given the chance, but she was already halfway to the door before anyone even had a chance.

  
She entered Draco’s room. Harry was leaning on Draco’s bed, head resting on the mattress and cradled in his arms. She had heard him finishing whispering something to Draco, but didn’t hear what it was.

  
She walked over to Harry and stroked his back and shoulders gently. She sat down in the chair next to him, as Harry sat back from the bed to see who it was.

  
“Ginny,” he said softly.

  
“How are you?” she said kindly.

  
“A bit rough, actually,” he said, attempting a weak smile.

  
“Oh, Harry,” she said, drawing him into a tight hug. She didn’t say much, but she wanted him to know that she was there for him. Withdrawing from the hug, she sat back in her chair and the two of them sat there in what she considered companionable silence.

  
Maybe this would work after all. The hint of a smile twitched at her lips, but she suppressed it quickly.

  
  
-

  
  
Harry was tense with Ginny in the room, but tried not to appear like it. He didn’t want to offend her, but he’d really rather have been left alone. He wanted to hold Draco, but felt awkward doing so in front of her, so he settled for just holding his hand.

  
He realized that everyone was a suspect. He didn’t think it could possibly be any of the Weasley family, but Ron was right. It could be anyone, and for now they should really keep what they had found out about the potion between themselves. His Auror instincts knew that it wouldn’t be wise to let anyone know just yet.

  
He’d have to work out some way of getting her out of the room before Healer Strout got back.

  
He finally had an idea.

  
“Ginny,” he said, after a long while of awkward silence. “I need you do to something for me,” he said softly.

  
Her eyes met his, and he could see she was pleased to be included.

  
“Of course, Harry, anything.”

  
“It might not be easy, I’m sorry. Firstly, do you think you could get me some more clothes from our flat? But that’s not what I need you to do. Do you think you could go to the Floo registry and see if you can find contact information for Pansy Parkinson? I really need to talk to her, and our old contacts for her are no longer active.”

  
“Sure, anything to help out, Harry,” Ginny smiled.

  
“It’s really important that I speak with her, Draco’s life could depend on it. Do you think you could go now? I really need this, Gin.”

  
Ginny stood up quickly. “Of course, I’ll do everything I can.”

  
“Thanks. And… Ginny?”

  
“Yes?” she said, turning back halfway to the door.

  
“I know everyone is here because they care, but I’m doing fine, really. I’d just like to be left alone with Draco for a while. If they need to go home and get some rest, I’ll survive for a few hours. Do you think you could ask Mrs Weasley…?”

  
“That’s perfectly fine, Harry. Don’t worry, leave it to us, we’ll shoo everyone home.”

  
Harry nodded, knowing Ron, Hermione and Neville wouldn’t leave no matter how much shooing Mrs Weasley did, and was glad of it.

  
Ginny left then and he watched her talk to Mrs Weasley. A few minutes later the waiting room was empty.

  
Harry sighed in relief. His suspicions had been growing, and he really just needed to focus on getting Draco better right now. He looked at Draco’s porcelain-like form on the bed, unmoving except for the soft rise and fall of his chest as he breathed, and he couldn’t hold himself back anymore. He toed off his shoes and climbed onto the bed with him. He whispered a spell to draw the blinds and shut the door, so no one could see in, and settled down next to Draco, holding him in his arms.

  
He’d work out who had done this to them, and he would make them pay. But for now, he was content to hold his sleeping Draco, at least until the Healer got here to test them for the lust potion.

  
  
-

  
  
Healer Strout wasted no time in getting to Draco’s room. She checked first with Draco’s Healer, who approved the tests, and then met Harry, Hermione and Ron in Draco’s room half an hour later, with Neville following in behind her.

  
Neville was pleased to see that everyone was there before Healer Strout, and that the waiting room was for once empty of the Weasley clan and extended family. It was an unspoken agreement that this should be kept as quiet as possible until they could solve the mystery as to who poisoned them.

  
“I take it you all know why you’re here?” Healer Strout questioned.

  
They all nodded their agreement, and Healer Strout set to work taking the samples, instructing a Medi-Witch to set up her equipment, while she started with Draco’s sample. Once she was done there, Harry sat down in the chair readied by the Medi-Witch, and so she proceeded with drawing the blood.

  
When it was Hermione’s turn, she hesitated slightly.

  
“Healer Strout,” she started softly, as she took her seat. “You should know, I’m pregnant.”

  
“Oh, not to worry dear, that won’t affect the result of this test. But while we’re drawing the blood if you feel any light-headedness please tell us immediately. Have you had your eight week checks yet?”

  
“No, I was booked in for next week.”

  
“Would you like me to take enough to conduct those at the same time? I can forward the results to your usual Healer, and it will save you having to go for another blood extraction.”

  
“That would be good, thank you,” she said. Neville noticed she did not make eye contact with anyone in the room through the whole exchange, and Ron looked quite tense. Clearly it was a touchy subject for them still. Harry also looked uncomfortable.

  
For the first time, it really hit Neville that he could potentially have fathered the child Hermione was pregnant with. It didn’t matter if it had been because of a drug, they still had sex, and there was a child involved, with three potential fathers. Even if they found out who did it, it wouldn’t change the fact that it had caused new life. Neville didn’t quite know whether to be joyful of that fact or not.

  
“Not to make things more awkward than they already are,” Neville started, “but, Healer Strout, is there a way of conducting a paternity test for this pregnancy?”

  
Ron bristled at Neville’s words, clearly angry. It was a tough situation, but they would be better off knowing, surely?

  
Healer Strout looked to Hermione for confirmation, who nodded slightly, indicating she did not mind the Healer discussing such tests with the room’s occupants. “A paternity test can be conducted at the end of the first trimester, so when the foetus is twelve weeks old. We’ll have to wait approximately another month before we can know exactly. It involves a simple spell which shows us what the baby looks like, the gender, who the parents are and a few other details about it’s genetics. You can even do the advanced version of the spell to know things such as what colour eyes it will have and so forth. It’s up to Hermione if she would like such spells performed, and up to her who she discloses the information to, unless court ordered to reveal certain information – such as the paternity of a child.”

  
“Neville, I’ll be having the test once I’ve finished the first trimester,” Hermione said softly, again not meeting anyone’s eyes. “I was intending to invite both you and Draco to come to the appointment with Ron and I, even when we didn’t know this was all caused by a lust potion.” She looked at Draco then, with sad eyes, and then to Harry, who had been silently sitting next to Draco, watching the exchange. “And you of course, Harry, if you had wanted to be there. Now that we know about the potion I hope you will be.”

  
“We don’t know definitely that we were all drugged just yet,” Harry said, his voice equally as soft. “Let’s not get our hopes up before we have definitive answers.”

  
“On that topic,” Healer Strout said, “I’ll have the results back to you within the hour. I’ll also be doing up a full report on this incident, to hand over the Auror in charge of the case. I take it that will be either Mr Potter or Mr Weasley?” she said knowingly.

  
“Yes, it’ll be me,” Ron said, stepping up. “Harry’s got too much to deal with right now. I think it goes without saying, this needs to be kept entirely confidential?”

  
“Of course,” Healer Strout replied. “I’ll be back in an hour.” With that, she left the room, blood samples in tow.

  
Neville watched Hermione sit down next to Harry, and place her hand on top of his.

  
The situation was certainly a messy one. He took a seat in the far corner of the room to wait for the results, and rested his head back against the wall. Within minutes, he drifted off into a light doze, exhaustion finally catching up on him.

  
  
-

  
  
Harry felt the warmth of Hermione’s hand on his. They hadn’t had a proper conversation since he had found out about the incident with Draco. He hadn’t been able to face her, when he thought there was nothing more to Draco’s betrayal with her than the alcohol they had consumed.

  
“I’m sure this potion must have been used on Draco,” Hermione said softly, rubbing her thumb over the back of his palm. “You know Draco loved you, and I could never have done this to you. I’m so sorry you both had to go through this.”

  
“It’s alright, Hermione,” Harry said softly, finally looking up at her and into her eyes. “I’ve forgiven you both, no matter whether there was a potion involved or not. I just don’t know how I’ll ever be able to forgive myself for… for this… It’s all my fault he’s here!”

  
“Harry! I’m sure it’s not what you think,” Hermione tried to reassure.

  
“You saw me get my blood tested too, right?”

  
“Yes… but…”

  
“Did Ron tell you why?”

  
“No, we didn’t have time before we saw Healer Strout coming towards Draco’s room. I thought it might have just been a precaution…”

  
“No, this, Draco being in here, it’s all my fault. I must have been drugged too. But he wasn’t at the time. Oh, Hermione, I did an awful thing…” he sobbed. He couldn’t quite bring himself to admit to what he had done, but now that he had started, and the tears had started to fall, he couldn’t stop. Something about Hermione always made him confess the truth. “He… he didn’t exactly say no, but something came over me and I couldn’t stop. We had to… I had to… it was just like, an urge to keep going, that maybe things would be alright if we just… and I was so angry and upset that he had taken away the one thing that was sacred to us!” He couldn’t hold back the tears anymore and subsided into sobbing, leaning on Hermione’s shoulder. She’d always been like a sister to him, it didn’t matter that they were in a messed up world where the baby she carried could be Draco’s, and she was the one Draco had betrayed him with. Ron was still there, leaning against the bed, providing emotional support.

  
“Oh, Harry,” she said, holding him to her. “I promise, it’ll be alright in the end. I know everyone keeps saying that to you, and you must be sick of hearing it. But, you have to believe that it will be. You have to have hope. We’ll get through this, so long as we have hope.”

 

-


	10. Chapter Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a nasty chapter this one... No particular warnings other than quite angsty, but it marks the end of the content I wrote years ago and catches up to the newer content from Chapter Eleven onwards.

 

_All I did was hope. Hope he would return to me. Hope that night would just disappear for us. Hope that the baby would just be Hermione and Ron’s. I didn’t get what I hoped for, and I nearly lost sight of everything. I was consumed into a world without hope, at least, for a time._   
  


  
-

  
  
“Someone get him out of here!” Healer Periwinkle exclaimed. A Medi-Wizard grabbed him, but he could barely feel the pressure on his arms.

  
“No, no this can’t be happening!” Harry sobbed.

  
Alarms were going off, and Draco’s body was jerking into unnatural angles. Healers and Medi-Wizards were filling the room with various magical versions of medical equipment Harry had only ever seen on the television before. The Healers worked quickly, instructing drugs into his system through magic, trying to stabilize Draco.

  
The Medi-Wizard who had hold of Harry proved to be physically stronger than him, and succeeded in dragging Harry away from Draco’s bed. He lost hold of Draco’s hand, and was pulled out the door. The air crackled with Harry’s magic and was threatening to spill over.

  
“Harry!” Ron exclaimed from outside the room. “Harry, you have to calm down! Your wild magic could affect the Healers and that would just make things worse for Draco! Harry! Can you hear me?”

  
Harry could hear him, but the words didn’t make sense. He was in a haze, and all he could see was Draco suddenly arching up off the bed, body shaking unnaturally, a sudden seizure wreaking through his body, which had triggered alarms to activate from all the magical monitoring equipment. The scene was playing over and over in his mind, even though he could no longer see Draco.

  
Hermione was there too, calling his name. They needed him to calm down, but all he could hear was ringing in his ears, alarms signaling something was wrong. He turned back to the room, attempting to run back to Draco, but Ron and the Medi-Wizard held him back. Hermione ran to stand in front of him.

  
“Look at me, Harry James Potter!” Hermione exclaimed, holding his face with both hands and forcing his gaze to meet her eyes. “You need to breathe. Breathe in with me. Nice and slow, deep breaths. That’s it, calm down.” Harry tried to breathe in slowly. “You need to get control of yourself, or your magic could kill Draco.”

  
It was like a slap in the face. He tried to clear his head, and focus on withdrawing the wild magic back into himself. He took deep breaths, in time with Hermione. He finally felt the air return to normal, and the sparks playing through the air around him subsided. He was still distraught over what was happening to Draco, still felt clouded and unable to function, but he had managed to control his magic.

  
“That’s it, Harry, nice and easy. Keep breathing. We have to let the Healers do their job.”

  
He could no longer see Draco. The Healers had closed the curtains and shut the door, blocking them from access. It was now only accessible to hospital personnel, while they tried to get Draco under control.

  
Harry shook free of Ron and the Medi-Wizard, and stormed across the hall to the waiting room. He slammed his fist into the wall, managing only to bust his knuckles and cause no damage to the wall, which was spelled against such things. He started hitting it over and over again, unable to control the sobs heaving up through his chest.

  
“Harry, stop it, Harry, you’re hurting yourself!” Hermione exclaimed. Ron finally intervened and caught Harry’s arms, stopping the punches, and pulling his arms down, pulling him into a tight embrace. Harry just collapsed to the ground, holding onto Ron, sobbing heart-wrenching sobs.

  
Hermione fell to the floor next to him and pulled him into a tight embrace. Ron sat down quickly next to him as well, and pulled both of them into his arms.

  
“We’ll get through this,” Ron murmured. “It’ll be fine. He’ll be fine.”

  
  
-

  
  
Ron had managed to move them all into the hospital chairs in the waiting room, rather than the floor, but it had taken a lot of time before they had been able to move Harry. He was now sitting listlessly in the chair, staring at the ceiling and barely moving.

  
The alarms had stopped emanating from Draco’s room after the first initial shock, but no one had updated them on the situation. No one had come in or out of the room for some time, either, and Ron assumed they had magically relocated Draco to an emergency room to help stabilize him. It had been over an hour, but the lack of information meant at least one thing Ron could be grateful for – Draco hadn’t given up the fight just yet. Ron was hoping that when news did come, it wouldn’t be for the worse. He didn’t know how they would manage to get Harry through news like that.

  
Neville had left Draco’s room shortly before the incident, as Ron was calling Draco’s sudden seizures and Harry’s out of control magic. He’d gone to check on Healer Strout, to see if he could be of any assistance. It had been more than two hours since the tests were taken now, and he wondered whether she was staying away because of the incident, or whether there was some sort of complication.

  
Ron stood up, and squeezed Harry’s shoulder. “I’m going to get us some drinks,” he said, not knowing what else to do. Falling back onto what his mother had taught him about feeding people was a good start. “Coffee? Tea? Pumpkin juice?”

  
Harry just shook his head, not meeting anyone’s eyes.

  
“I think some water would be good, Harry,” Hermione said softly.

  
“I don’t care,” he replied, in a monotone.

  
Hermione hummed her displeasure. “Ron, tea would be lovely. And a bottle of water for Harry, at the least.”

  
“Right,” Ron said, walking away to the refreshment stall quickly.

  
Just as he was returning with the requested drinks, Healer Strout walked into the room.

  
Harry’s eyes had zoned onto the movement immediately, dreading the worst was about to come. When he saw it was Healer Strout, he visibly relaxed, and returned to his inspection of the ceiling’s paintwork.

  
Ron and Hermione, however, were very keen to know what the results had been. Healer Strout was carrying a clipboard, presumably with the chart of results attached. Neville followed her into the room moments later.

  
“I’ve heard that Draco went into code blue,” Healer Strout said softly to the room. “I haven’t got any further information for you on that topic, I’m afraid. But I do have our test results. I thought I would give you the option to have them now, but if you’d like to deal with this at a later time, I understand and can come back later,” she looked pointedly at Harry as she said this, who remained motionless.

  
Ron looked to Hermione for guidance. He wanted to know the results now, but it was up to her and Harry, whether they wanted to deal with this now or not. Hermione must have sensed his hesitation because she took over control of the conversation with Healer Strout, knowing Harry was in no state to do so.

  
“Were all the test results positive?” she asked.

  
Healer Strout paused. “No,” she finally replied. “One test proved to have no traces of the potion. That’s why I took longer, I repeated the test three times on that sample, and had the same negative result each time.”

  
“Oh,” Hermione said, and Ron watched the colour drain from her face. She went back to sit next to Harry and gently touched his arm. “Harry?” she questioned softly. “Harry, I know this is difficult, but do you want to find out the results now?”

  
Harry just shook his head in decline, barely listening to the request.

  
“I know you’re upset, Harry,” Ron started. “But… isn’t it important to find out?”

  
“I can’t… I can’t think, Ron. I don’t… I can’t… Can we just not do this, please?” Harry begged.

  
“Of course, Harry,” Hermione soothed. “Ron, why don’t you sit here with Harry for a while. I’ll take Healer Strout back to the elevator and plan another time for us to do this.”

  
Ron nodded and took a seat next to Harry. Neville stayed in the room too, looking slightly lost. He had missed the incident with Draco, and as such had returned to a completely different atmosphere.

  
When Hermione returned fifteen minutes later, she had a grave look on her face. She gestured to Ron to join her in the hall. He moved to her quickly.

  
When they were out of sight of Harry and Neville, Hermione stopped them and turned to face him.

  
“It’s Harry,” she said, without any preamble. “The negative result is Harry.”

  
Ron instantly felt a weight lift from his chest, to be replaced with a completely different kind. His wife hadn’t cheated on him. His wife had never intentionally been unfaithful on multiple occasions. She’d been drugged. Not once, but twice. And one of his best friends, and his best mate’s partner, had also been drugged, and forced into sexual intimacy with her.

  
He was going to get whoever did this, and put them away for a long time. It was rape, and the ultimate betrayal.

  
“Hermione, I’m so sorry I ever doubted you,” he said softly, stroking her cheek with his palm and pulling her to him in a tight embrace.

  
Hermione sniffed into his chest. She somehow managed to hold back tears. “I’m so sorry, Ron. I meant it when I said I never ever meant to hurt you. Even though it’s awful, what’s happened to us, it’s such a relief to finally understand what’s happened. I was so confused! I hated myself for what I did to you.”

  
“Shhh, don’t do this,” Ron said softly. “It’s alright now. Everything makes sense, and it’s  _not_  your fault. I know that now. I’m so sorry for how I treated you. I’m sorry I put you on the spot in front of everyone like that. I’m so sorry. Forgive me?”

  
Hermione laughed and half choked on her held back tears. “Of course I can forgive you, only if you can forgive me?”

  
Ron smiled, and just kissed her in answer. She responded happily to his kiss, but ended it quickly.

  
“Now’s not the time,” she said softly. “Oh, Ron, what are we going to do about Harry?”

  
Ron thought back on Harry’s own break down and the reasons why he had requested the test as well.

  
“So Harry’s test was negative?” he said softly.

  
Hermione nodded.

  
“What does that mean though?”

  
“It means…” Hermione paused and took a deep breath. “It means whatever happened between Draco and him the night before… this… was not induced by the lust potion. Whether he was affected by anything else other than this specific lust potion remains to be seen, but it seems that the person who drugged us, didn’t also drug Harry. The whole scenario is different, it doesn’t match up to what happened with the first two attacks.” She paused and looked at him with worry in her eyes. “It could be that whatever happened, it was all Harry.”

  
Ron took a deep breath. They didn’t know exactly what had happened, of course, but Harry was obviously deeply upset by the encounter, and Draco had obviously been pushed to the point of attempting to take his own life. He didn’t know how to break it to his best friend that what he did was purely him.

  
“What are we going to do?” Hermione whispered.

  
“Let’s just keep this to ourselves, for now,” Ron finally decided. “It can wait, until we know one way or another what’s going to happen with Draco, after this incident.”

  
“He’s going to know something is up,” she said, even though she was nodding her agreement.

  
“Maybe, but he can’t deal with this as well, on top of everything.”

  
Suddenly the door to Draco’s room down the corridor opened and Healer Periwinkle started walking towards the waiting room.

  
Ron and Hermione rushed back to be with Harry, to help him through whatever news was about to come.

  
  
-

  
  
Time seemed to pause for Harry. Even though the medical alarms had long since stopped, he could still hear them ringing through his ears, over and over. When he shut his eyes, he could see Draco’s back arched unnaturally, his face contorted in pain, tremors wreaking havoc through his young athletic build. So he tried not to shut his eyes, and instead focused on the white of the ceiling, and tried to block out the ringing sounds as best he could.

  
He saw Ron and Hermione quickly enter the room and sit down on either side of him. Both took one of his hands in theirs, and he was confused at the sudden intensive support. Neville stood up from a couple of chairs away and sat back down next to Ron.

  
Moments later, Healer Periwinkle walked around the corner and into the waiting room.

  
His breath caught, and he felt light-headed. Waiting for news had been torture, but now that it had finally arrived, he didn’t know that he could handle it.

  
One look at her face and he started to hyperventilate.

  
“Harry, deep breaths. Look at me,” Hermione said again, drawing his gaze. She took a deep breath, and gestured for him to copy, which he somehow managed to do. “That’s it. We have to keep your magic under control,” she smiled.

  
Healer Periwinkle came over to where they were seated and drew up a chair in front of them. She sat down and looked at them. Harry kept his eyes focused on Hermione’s, using her well timed and rhythmic breathing as an anchor.

  
For a few minutes nobody said anything.

  
Healer Periwinkle finally took a deep breath. “It’s not good,” she started. “But he hasn’t given up just yet. Something’s holding him here, something strong.”

  
Harry shuddered, his body trembling like it was cold, even though it was quite warm inside. He couldn’t cry, for once, his eyes seemed to be all cried out.

  
“I can only assume that something is you, Harry,” Healer Periwinkle said. “He’s got such strong will. We could have lost him just now, and it wasn’t anything we did that saved him. It was all him.”

  
Harry buried his face into Hermione’s shoulder, wordless, unable to handle that Draco had escaped death yet again. Relief flooded through him, and he couldn’t say or do anything except tremble.

  
“He’s stable again,” Healer Periwinkle finally continued. “The seizures haven’t caused any lasting damage to his brain or organ functions. He got very lucky, Mr Potter.”

  
Harry could only nod, not knowing what else to say.

  
“We need those medical records, most importantly now. He could potentially seize again at any point, and we might not be so lucky next time. Even if he makes it through the seizures, it could cause permanent brain damage or worse.”

  
“I’ve got Auror’s on the case already,” Harry heard Ron say. “We’re searching for Malfoy family records, or Narcissa Malfoy or Pansy Parkinson. Harry was able to contact Narcissa when this started, but she seems to have disappeared since then. We’re trying to find out what’s happened to her.”

  
Healer Periwinkle nodded. “I think Wiggenweld potion can save him, but we need to know about that allergy. As soon as you know anything, please, find me immediately. I will send one of the staff for you when you can see him again.” Healer Periwinkle placed her hand on Harry’s and squeezed. “I’m doing everything I can, Mr Potter. Draco wants to live, remember that.”

  
After she left the room, he finally found his tears again. Maybe he hadn’t used them all up after all.

  
But Draco had survived, and that was all that mattered. He  _wanted_  to live, no matter that he had done this to himself.

  
He just had to live.

  
But Harry had his doubts. He was suddenly over come by desperation.

  
“What if we can’t find his medical records?” he gasped out to his friends. “What if we don’t find Pansy or Narcissa? He’s going to die without them! He’ll keep crashing like he did just then, until there’s nothing left!” Harry sobbed. His hope was fleeing, as he fell into desperation.

  
And he couldn’t help but wonder about who had been negative to the test. He had heard Healer Strout mention that one of them had tested negative, and from the change to the way Ron and Hermione looked at each other, it wasn’t Hermione. That meant it was either him or Draco.

  
And that meant one of them had betrayed the other.

  
He sobbed heart wrenchingly again when that thought hit. Either he’d forced Draco all on his own, or Draco had betrayed him. And if Hermione had been drugged… well that meant Draco probably had been as well.

  
So that left him.

  
What he’d done…

  
He’d forced Draco, all on his own. Even if Draco ever did wake up, could he ever forgive Harry for what he had done?

  
  
-

  
  
Ron excused himself from the waiting room a few hours later. It had been a very long and trying day. Time seemed to have no meaning within the walls of this hospital. He didn’t even know what day or what time it was. He cast  _Tempus_  and realized it was much later than he expected.

  
It was never too late to contact his Auror team though, it was a twenty-four hour office.

  
He went to the Floo to follow up the search for Draco’s medical records. He got connected to the officer on duty almost immediately, who relayed the information they had collected so far.

  
With this new knowledge in mind, Ron hurried back to the waiting room.

  
“Harry!” Ron exclaimed, rushing to his side. “The information we need, the Auror’s think it’s in the Malfoy family vault at Gringotts!”

  
Harry looked up from Hermione’s shoulder, blood-shot eyes meeting Ron’s.

  
“Regina did some digging. She couldn’t find Pansy or Narcissa, but she stumbled across some very old newspaper clippings which mentioned Abraxas Malfoy, Draco’s grandfather. He was admitted to St Mungo’s once when he contracted a bad case of dragonpox and was found collapsed in Diagon Ally. The article mentioned how the Malfoy family tradition was to keep all records safely locked away, including medical histories, to protect their pureblood lineage and hide any weaknesses from public knowledge!”

  
“Of course!” Harry exclaimed, slamming the handles of the chair with his fist. “I should have realized that, of course they’d be so bloody pompous they’d lock it all up in their ancient family vault!”

  
“Can you get access to it, Harry?” Hermione asked.

  
“Yes, thankfully. I actually paid attention to this part, for once,” Harry berated himself.

  
Ron watched as Harry finally managed to collect himself, having been given something to do that might actually save Draco. It was good, to see Harry finally responding. Of course this was what finally broke Harry out of his wreaked emotional state, having a quest or a problem to solve was Harry’s crutch.

  
“Hermione, do you think you could stay here in case they let us back in to see Draco? I don’t want him left alone.”

  
“Of course,” Hermione agreed.

  
“And Neville, can you find Healer Periwinkle and let her know we’ve gone to retrieve the medical records, we think we might have found them?”

  
“Anything you need, Harry,” Neville said. “Bring all the records relating to Draco, they’ll need everything,” he reminded. “Probably Lucius and Narcissa’s records as well, since we’re dealing with an allergy.”

  
Harry nodded, and then turned to Ron. “And you’re with me, Ron.”

  
Ron clapped Harry on the back. “Let’s go save the ferret once again,” Ron joked, and Harry’s eyes crinkled slightly in humour, although it turned out to be more of a grimace than a smile. All the same, it was an improvement from the magically exploding emotional wreck he had been a few short hours ago.

  
“Right,” Harry said. “If anything happens to Draco while I’m gone, send a Patronus and I’ll come back as soon as we can.”

  
Hermione just nodded, and kissed Harry’s cheek. “He’ll be fine. Just make sure you get those records.” She then kissed Ron chastely on the lips, and Ron savoured the warmth. “Stay safe, both of you.”

  
Ron rolled his eyes. “We’re just going to Gringotts, it’s not like they have a dragon,” he said, winking.

  
“Anymore, at least,” Hermione agreed, smiling.

  
“Don’t get too comfortable, Ron, this is the Malfoy vault we’re talking about. It has more bloody layers of protection than the Philosopher’s Stone did! But Draco has shown me the way twice before, so that’s something.”

  
Ron gulped. This could be more dangerous than he thought.

 

-


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Friday!

**Chapter Eleven**

 

  
-

 

  
_Sometimes, we all need to learn to let go._

 

  
-  
  


  
Ginny arrived back at the hospital a few hours later to find Hermione sitting with Neville in the waiting room. She was a bit confused to see the two of them alone together, after everything that had happened. 

  
She glanced around then, searching for Harry, and noticed that Draco’s room was fully closed off to visitor access. She was immediately concerned. If Harry wasn’t in with Draco, where was he? He definitely wasn’t in the waiting room. 

  
“Hermione,” she said, approaching the seated pair. 

  
“Ginny, there you are.” 

  
“What’s happened? Where’s Harry?”

  
“Draco had some health complications. They’re still working on stabilizing him, but there shouldn’t be any lasting damage. They caught it fast enough, thank Merlin,” Hermione sighed. 

  
“Oh,” Ginny said, not really getting an answer to her question. She wanted to find Harry, it was so important to be there for him right now. She felt the details didn’t matter so much; she just needed to look after Harry. 

  
“Harry’s gone to retrieve Draco’s medical records,” Hermione said vaguely, sensing Ginny was about to ask about Harry again. 

  
“Has he found them, then?” Ginny asked. It was so frustrating how much information Hermione was withholding! She was sure they were all up to something again. Always leaving her out, like usual. 

  
“He thinks so, otherwise he never would have left,” Hermione replied. 

  
“Harry asked me to do some things for him, and I’ve brought him some more clothes,” Ginny said. “I’d better wait until he gets back.” 

  
“If you want to go home and get some sleep, Ginny, you can leave the clothes with me and I can tell him anything you need to pass on,” Hermione offered. 

  
“No thanks,” Ginny said immediately. “This better stay between me and Harry. I don’t think he’d like me telling everyone when he’s asked me to do this specifically.” 

  
“Oh,” Hermione said, slight taken aback. “Of course, if you prefer.” 

  
Ginny nodded, taking a seat. “Do you think he’ll be much longer?” 

  
“We’re really not sure, but I hope not.” 

  
“Look, the Medi-Wizard is coming over,” Neville said, pointing to the hallway. 

  
Ginny watched as Hermione jumped to her feet. 

  
“Draco is stable again, if you’d like to come with me I can take you to him,” the Medi-Wizard said, speaking directly to Hermione. 

  
“Oh, that’s wonderful news!” Hermione exclaimed. 

  
Ginny stood up, expecting to go into Draco’s room to wait for Harry with Hermione. 

  
“I’m sorry, Miss,” the Medi-  Wizard said, looking at Ginny. “I really think Mr Malfoy should have only one visitor at a time for the moment, and Mr Malfoy’s next of kin, Mr Potter, indicated he would like Mrs Weasley to sit with him until he returned. In a couple of hours we would be comfortable for you to visit Mr Malfoy, once he’s had more time to recover.” 

  
“But surely, that means he meant  _me_ of course and you’ve just confused us. Please check again, I’m sure your records must say Miss Weasley.” 

  
The Medi-Wizard checked the clipboard, lifted a page and cross checked. “No, the records I have here clearly say Mrs Hermione Weasley.” 

  
“Oh,” Ginny said, stunned.

  
“I’m sorry for any inconvenience, but it is what’s best for Mr Malfoy.” 

  
Ginny’s face screwed up in confusion, but she nodded absently all the same and sat back down, a chair over from Neville who had remained seated throughout the whole exchange. 

  
Hermione looked apologetically at Ginny, and then followed the Medi-Wizard out of the waiting room and back towards Draco’s room, where she disappeared through the door. 

  
Ginny sighed, leaning back into her chair in a huff. 

  
Harry better get back soon, is all she could think. He would need her, and she needed to be there for him. 

  
  
-

  
  
Two hours later, Ron and Harry stumbled back into St Mungo’s and to the floor Draco was on. They were both covered in cobwebs and scratches, having faced ancient and somewhat aggressive curse layers protecting the Malfoy vault. Knowing the solutions or correct pathways through the labyrinth didn’t necessarily mean you would get in and out unscathed, it seemed. 

  
But Harry had in his hands a document wallet full of medical information on Draco, Naricssa and Lucius. Healer Periwinkle had been right, the Malfoys had kept a private physician and fully private medical records, and the vault had contained everything, even records of Draco’s visits to the Hospital Wing at Hogwarts. 

  
They went to the waiting room first, and found Neville, who magically paged Healer Periwinkle. When he had found her earlier, she had shown him how to page her when Harry had returned, if she was needed. Minutes later, she rounded the corner and into the waiting room. 

  
“We have his medical records,” Harry exclaimed, handing them over in the same motion. “I haven’t had time to go through them in detail, but it looks like everything you need to know about Draco will be in that file. I grabbed his parents’ files as well in case we needed it.”

  
“Excellent work, Harry. This is exactly what we needed. I’ll have this reviewed immediately and we can set to work on setting a magical recovery plan,” Healer Periwinkle said, already walking out of the door. 

  
“Harry,” Ginny said, immediately rushing to his side. “I have that information you wanted from the Floo office, and a bag of things for you,” she exclaimed. 

  
Harry blinked at her, surprised by her sudden appearance at his side.

  
“Thank you, Ginny,” Harry said awkwardly. He took the bag of clothes from her and deposited them carelessly onto an empty waiting chair. “When can I see Draco?” he immediately asked, addressing Neville. 

  
“Hermione’s in there with him now, I’m sure they wouldn’t object to you joining her.” 

  
Harry’s face flooded with relief, and he immediately turned and headed for Draco’s room. 

  
“Harry, wait a minute!” Ginny exclaimed. 

  
Harry turned back, confused. 

  
“I needed to tell you about what I found at the Floo registry office, in private,” Ginny said, indicating they should move away from the main group to gain some privacy. 

  
Harry hesitated, clearly needing to see Draco, but not wanting to offend Ginny. He finally stepped to one side to speak with Ginny for a few moments. 

  
“This is everything I could find on Narcissa Malfoy and Pansy Parkinson,” she said discreetly, passing him a piece of folded parchment. 

  
“Oh, thanks Ginny,” Harry said awkwardly. “Actually, now that we have the Malfoy medical records, we don’t really need to get in touch with either of them so urgently. But thanks for getting this Gin. I really appreciate it.”

  
Ginny looked a bit crestfallen. “Oh, well if you need anything else, you know I’m always happy to help.”

  
“I mean that Gin, thank you for trying.”

  
“Oh, it’s alright Harry,” Ginny said, throwing her arms around him and drawing him into a tight hug. “Anything for you.” 

  
Harry hugged her back for a few seconds, but his need to see Draco made him extricate himself from the tight hug almost immediately. 

  
He gave Ginny a quick kiss on her forehead and then practically ran to Draco’s door. 

  
Hermione was inside, sitting by Draco’s bedside, holding his hand. 

  
Draco looked even paler than usual, if that was at all possible. Every trace of colour had been drained from his body. His face looked hollow and thin. The amount of time he had been unconscious and the incident earlier were clearly taking their toll on him. Harry shuddered. 

  
Hermione looked up at him and gestured he should come take her place.

  
Harry hesitated in the doorway, not wanting to break the peace that seemed to be in the room. 

  
But Hermione got up out of her chair and let go of Draco’s hand, and his hesitation was broken. 

  
He sighed and walked towards the bed, taking his usual chair that Hermione had just vacated. 

  
“I’ll leave you alone with him for a while,” Hermione whispered. 

  
Harry nodded his thanks, and she quietly left the room. 

  
“Oh Draco,” Harry said out loud. “I love you so much.” He kissed the back of Draco’s hand, then his forehead, and then his lips. “Please, come back to me.” 

 

  
-

 

  
Ginny was pacing the waiting room. 

  
All this waiting and  _not_  being with Harry was driving her mad. 

  
Surely everyone should know by now that he would need her? She was his rock, his helping hand. No one loved him like she did. 

  
Not even Draco. 

 

  
-

 

  
“What’s up with Ginny?” Hermione whispered to Ron when she rejoined everyone in the waiting room. 

  
“Hmm?” Ron said, looking over in her direction. “Oh, that. I think she’s just worried. Listen, while we were making our way through the vaults, Harry and I had a weird conversation.” 

  
“Oh?” Hermione said, her attention drawn away from Ginny’s restless pacing to look at Ron. 

  
“Yeah. He had pretty much worked out that it was him that had the negative result, so I confirmed it when we were in the vault. He thinks he’s going to lose Draco even if he does wake up and make a full recovery. Whatever happened between the two of them, Harry’s scared.”

  
“Scared? Of what?”

  
“Of himself? Of losing Draco no matter what happens?” Ron sighed. “We need to distract him. He won’t know what Draco thinks until he’s back with us, so until then it’s no use Harry fretting. I think we need to distract him with trying to work out who…” Ron lowered his voice, ensuring only Hermione could hear him, “poisoned us.” 

  
“Surely he has too much going on right now to think about that?”

  
“He’s an Auror, Hermione, and one of the best. Ever since we were eleven, that’s what he’s done best. It will help keep him distracted.”

  
“He’s not going to want to leave Draco’s side again until he’s awake, surely,” Hermione said. 

  
“So we start talking it out with him in Draco’s room, at least ‘til the Healers kick us out.”

  
Hermione nodded slowly. “Neville?” 

  
“He comes too, we’ll need his side of the story.” 

  
Hermione nodded again and got up and walked over to where Neville had been sitting, reading. She touched him on the shoulder lightly and indicated he should follow them. 

  
They all got up and walked over to Draco’s room, shutting the door behind them. 

  
They missed the jealous, calculating look Ginny shot them, as they left her out once again. 

 

  
-

 

  
Harry looked up as the three entered the room and sat down. 

  
“Hi guys,” Harry said quietly. 

  
Hermione moved to sit next to him, and took hold of Harry’s hand. Neville sat down on the other side of the bed, and Ron conjured a whiteboard and remained standing. 

  
“What’s all this?” Harry asked. 

  
“We need to work out who is behind this,” Ron said.

  
“I thought it could wait, but Ron thinks it will help take your mind off things,” Hermione said, patting his hand gently. 

  
Harry sighed and nodded. “He’s right. The sooner we work out who did this, the better.” 

  
“Right,” Ron started. “What are our common denominators?” 

  
“Hermione,” Harry said instantly. “Both incidents targeted her.” 

  
“This makes me feel sick,” Ron said, as he wrote Hermione’s name on the whiteboard. 

  
“And non-Weasley males, although whether that was by design or coincidence I’m not sure.” 

  
Ron nodded and wrote down Neville and Draco, and annotated both are not Weasleys. 

  
“So,” Hermione started, “someone has it out for me and wanted to ruin my life, but didn’t want to use anyone Weasley to do it?”

  
“I hate to point it out,” Neville said, “but that sounds like someone wanting to keep their family out of it.” 

  
Ron looked at Neville. “You’re suggesting a Weasley did it?” 

  
“I’m not suggesting anything, just that’s what it sounds like.” 

  
Ron turned to the whiteboard and wrote up “ _protecting the family – Weasley culprit?_ ”

  
“Let’s take a step back, Neville, can you tell us everything that happened that day, all the way up to when the incident occurred?” Ron said.  

  
Hermione blushed, but didn’t say anything else. 

  
Neville nodded, and took a deep breath.

  
“I arrived the day before and had dinner with you all.” 

  
“Hang on a minute,” Harry interrupted. “Who was present for the holidays at this point? I don’t think Draco and I were there yet.” 

  
“Good point,” Ron said, writing up a list of people present when Neville was. 

  
“Mum, Dad, Teddy of course, since Mum and Dad are his legal guardians. Bill and Fleur and little Victoire, Charlie hadn’t arrived yet from Romania, Percy was working right up to Christmas so he and Oliver hadn’t arrived yet, George was home, Hermione and I were home, Ginny still lives at home so of course was there.” Ron was writing down names as he went through the list. 

  
“What about non-Weasleys?” Harry asked. 

  
“Well obviously you and Draco weren’t there yet. Hagrid was here at that point. Fleur’s family from France. Mr and Mrs Diggory. Seamus and Luna and baby Lavender hadn’t arrived yet, but Xeno Lovegood had been there for a few days. I think that’s it.”

  
“So then Neville arrives and has dinner with everyone on this list. Then what Neville?” Harry asks.

  
“I went to bed early, it had been a stressful week at work tying everything up to get away for the holidays.” Everyone nods, it was a familiar feeling for everyone. 

  
“So the next day, I get up late. Have breakfast with George and Ron, play some chess and read a book outside with the group, then we organize some Quidditch for after lunch. 

  
“Mrs Weasley puts on a big spread for lunch as usual. I talked to Ginny a lot at lunch about Quidditch teams and who she’s hoping to play for when she has her trials after the holidays. 

  
“Everyone plays the Quidditch game after lunch. As usual I’m hopeless at it. My team loses. Ginny caught the snitch, as per usual when Harry’s not around. 

  
“I guess then it’s dinner time. We had Shepherd’s Pie, I remember because it’s my favourite thing that Mrs Weasley cooks,” Neville grins looking sheepish.

  
“Then, Ron, you get called away for work. Urgent Auror business.” 

  
Ron nods and grimaces, knowing what his absence enabled. 

  
“After you left, everyone breaks off after dinner into smaller groups. George, Hermione, Ginny and I ended up in the sitting room, talking. Someone pulls out a bottle of wine but it doesn’t get opened immediately for some reason. George goes up early, like usual, and I think Ginny went to help Mrs Weasley. Hermione and I then opened the wine and start drinking… and well the rest is history,” Neville finished.

  
“So the wine appeared when it was just you four in the sitting room?” Harry asks. 

  
“I guess,” Neville says, and Hermione nods in confirmation. 

  
“And had either of you seen this bottle ever before?” Harry continues. 

  
“No, never, but it just looked like a standard bottle of wine,” Neville replies, and Hermione agrees. 

  
“So Ginny or George might have produced it. But could they have known what was in it to begin with?” Harry muses. 

  
Ron draws a line under Neville’s section of the whiteboard. 

  
“Hermione,” he says, “why don’t you tell us what happened with Draco?” 

  
Harry flinches. 

  
“Sorry mate, but we need to know as much as possible.” 

  
“I know, so I can help fill in what I know as well,” Harry sighs.

  
“So it was the fourth night after Harry and Draco had arrived,” Hermione starts. “Again, urgent Auror business called both Ron and Harry away that night.” 

  
“Oh,” Harry said, he hadn’t really known when it had happened or how, and he felt an unexpected sharp sting from finding out the specific time and day. 

  
“Guest list at this point?” Ron asked.

  
“The same as before, except Seamus, Luna and Lavender had arrived, as well as Charlie. Plus Draco and me. The only ones left to arrive were Percy and Oliver,” Harry managed to add, shaking his head to clear the remnants of the feeling of betrayal, despite now knowing Draco had done this against his will. 

  
“So there are three more non-Weasley males to add to the mix as potential targets,” Ron said.

  
“Can we rule out Seamus, Luna, Charlie, Percy and Oliver then because they weren’t there for the first incident?” Hermione asked. 

  
“In theory, yes, but everyone’s a suspect,” Ron says extremely seriously. “Just because they weren’t there doesn’t mean they might not have had a hand in it. Harry, can you tell us what you and Draco did on day four?” 

  
Harry looked down at Draco and back up. “It seems like such a long time ago. That was the first night we got called away for work from when I was at yours, wasn’t it?” 

  
Ron nods. 

  
“That was the day a group of us went walking to the swimming hole, remember?”

  
Hermione nods, “Yes, it was Ron, me, Harry, Draco, Neville, Ginny, Luna, Seamus, George and Charlie. Big kids at heart going to the swimming hole, in the heart of winter. I charmed the area warm enough to swim and we defrosted the water for a few hours.” 

  
“It was bloody brilliant,” Ron said. 

  
“And then we got called away for work,” Harry said. “We all packed up and left, Ron and I apparating away while the rest walked back to the Burrow.” 

  
“Draco would always get nervous being left at the Burrow without you, so I walked back with him,” Hermione said. “We talked all the way through dinner, and then found ourselves alone in the sitting room. There was a wine bottle on the table and we didn’t think twice about drinking it.” 

  
“So you didn’t bring the wine?” Ron asked Hermione. 

  
“No.” 

  
“And you didn’t see Draco get it?” 

  
“No, it was strange, it was just randomly on the table. You know what Draco’s like, he was opening it without a second thought about if it was someone else’s.” 

  
“So, both times, it started in the sitting room. Both times neither party is quite sure where the wine came from.” Ron was talking and writing out main points. 

  
“But that’s where the common denominators end,” Harry exclaims. 

  
“Not quite,” Ron said. “Both times, we were called away for something urgent at work. The first time you weren’t at the Weasley’s, but you got called too, remember?” 

  
“Yes… but I don’t see how it’s…” 

  
“It was a bogus lead remember? We had a call in about a dark magic locator going off, but on both occasions the locator was actually still in stasis, and had not been activated at all. Someone was trying to get us out of the house. And they knew us well enough to know that a dark magic locator going off would tie us up for hours with all the paperwork.”

  
“You think someone went so far as to pretend to trigger one just to get us out of the way?” 

  
“Think about it, if they’re targeting Hermione, who are they going to want out of the way the most?” 

  
“Her husband and her best friend,” Neville finished. “Of course.” 

  
“But why?” Hermione exclaims. “It just doesn’t make any sense! Who would do this to me? Who would want to target me? Especially from our own family?” 

  
They all looked back and forth at each other, drawing up blanks. 

  
Harry sighed, and leaned his head onto the bed next to Draco. This was proving to be quite the challenge. 

 

-


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Chapter Twelve**

 

  
-

 

  
_And then, the stars started to shine once more. The moon glowed softly, pale milky white. Like his hair. The sun rose again, and burned with a heat that could start a thousand fires. Like my heart._

  
_But a shadow was cast, and what form it would take, we didn’t yet know._

 

  
-

 

  
They stayed in Draco’s room for an hour longer, talking around and around in circles, analyzing everyone who was there on the days in question, but they didn’t seem to get any further.

  
It just didn’t seem to make sense. Why would someone want to break up Ron and Hermione’s marriage? To make Hermione unhappy? But why target her in the first place?

  
Suddenly, every single person they knew was a suspect, more so now than when they had first found out a drug had been used, and they were glancing over their shoulders and around every bend with suspicion. Harry had even jumped when Ginny had asked him how he was doing, when he had stepped outside the room for some air. He laughed at himself later, it was only Ginny after all.

  
Back inside the room, Ron had packed away the whiteboard and their notes, and Hermione and Neville were standing to one side, talking quietly about the properties and ingredients of the potion.

  
Harry retook his seat next to Draco and picked up his hand. He stroked the back of Draco’s palm lightly with his thumb.

  
He looked up suddenly as Healer Periwinkle entered the room.

  
“Mr Potter,” she said, nodding to the others. She came and sat next to Harry.

  
“We’ve analysed Mr Malfoy’s medical records,” she started. “I’m afraid I don’t have good news.”

  
Harry’s breath caught. “What do you mean… please. Don’t leave me hanging. Just tell me.”

  
“I’m afraid his reaction to Wiggentree bark is severe. We cannot administer Wiggenweld potion without extreme risk of compromising Mr Malfoy. It may prove to be more harm than good. However, my colleagues and myself are divided. Some argue that we should administer it, allow just enough time for him to regain consciousness, and then counteract his allergic reaction to the potion.”

  
“Of course! Let’s do that, anything, please,’ Harry jumped in.

  
“But, my counter argument is that his body is already so weakened, he may not even regain consciousness before his allergic reaction takes over. If that happens, his body is already so weak, administering the antidote may push him further into this comatose state, or could potentially prove fatal.”

  
Harry stared at the Healer in shock.

  
“So, you’re saying you have no way of knowing whether it could save him, or kill him,” Harry stuttered out.

  
“It’s a very individual case, I’m afraid.”

  
“Are you asking me to choose?” Harry whispered.

  
“As his next of kin, what steps we take next are your choice.”

  
Harry sobbed suddenly, his whole body heaving. “I think I’m going to be sick,” he said, bending over and putting his head between his knees.

  
Hermione rushed over to him and pulled him to her in a tight hug. “You don’t have to do this alone,” she hushed. “We’re here for you.”

  
“What if we do nothing?” Ron asked, stepping over to the bed. “How likely is it he can come out of this on his own?”

  
Healer Periwinkle looked to Harry, who nodded, and then answered. “We have no way of knowing for certain. However he’s been unconscious for over a week now. He’s had one seizure already, which nearly stopped his heart. We have no way of knowing if he will continue to seize, and if so, how much damage that will do. I think if he was going to come out of this on his own, he would have done so by now. I think you could give him another day or so to recover on his own, but any longer and it will just be complicating things further for if we wish to administer the Wiggenweld. His body will get weaker and weaker the longer we leave it.”

  
“And if you administer the Wiggenweld?” Hermione asked.

  
“Wiggenweld can take anywhere between thirty seconds and twenty-four hours to reawaken the patient. Most often, it activates within five minutes. Mr Malfoy’s allergy presents symptoms within one minute of consumption, restricts his breathing within ten minutes, and has taken him close to death on one occasion within fifteen minutes. There is a strong chance the Wiggenweld potion will reawaken Mr Malfoy within the first five minutes, allowing us at least another five minutes to administer an antidote to the Wiggentree bark before he starts to present any severe symptoms.

  
“However, these are just our best estimations. Once administered, there’s no knowing what will happen. If his breathing starts to be severely impacted before reawakening, we would need to administer the antidote, which would nullify the Wiggenweld potion as well. The whole process would leave him extremely weakened, and still unconscious. Or it could go exactly to plan. There really is no way of knowing. It’s up to you if you want us to try.”

  
“And you said he could die?” Harry gulped.

  
“That is a risk, yes. His reaction to the Wiggentree bark could be so severe in his weakened state that it could cause fatality. Or, he may be so weakened from the dosage of Wiggenweld plus the antidote that his body can’t continue as it is now, and he may just slip away. Or it could cause more seizures.”

  
Harry looked at Ron, Hermione and Neville. “Help me,” he whispered.

  
“You don’t have to decide right this minute,” Healer Periwinkle said. “I can give you an hour to think about the options. I know this is tough, but you need to think about whether you want to try it or not. Leaving it too long to decide will only mean he’s weaker if we proceed. Or he might be too weak to try it at all.”

  
The Healer took Harry’s hand in hers. “I know it’s tough. Whatever you decide, just remember there is no right or wrong answer.” With that she left the room.

 

  
-

 

  
Harry was staring into space over Hermione’s shoulder, when Ginny walked into the room.

  
“I saw the Healer, is everything okay?” Ginny asked. “What’s happened? Can I do anything?” She walked over to Harry’s other side and wrapped him into her arms, so Harry was held on both sides by Hermione and Ginny.

  
“I think, actually, Harry might need some time alone to think,” Ron said.

  
Hermione nodded her agreement. “Come on Ginny, let’s go get some tea and some fresh air.” Hermione let go of Harry, but couldn’t quite separate herself because Ginny was still holding tight.

  
“C’mon, Gin, give Harry some space,” Ron said, tugging his little sister’s arm.

  
“No, Harry needs our support right now!” Ginny exclaimed, holding tighter.

  
Hermione had managed to wriggle her way free of Ginny’s embrace and looked at Ginny, desperately clinging to Harry. Harry looked so downcast, almost like he didn’t even recognize his surroundings.

  
“Harry, do you want us to stay?” Hermione said gently.

  
Harry didn’t respond.

  
“See, he’s incoherent! He needs us to stay.”

  
“Harry, do you want us to stay and help?” Hermione tried again.

  
Finally he blinked and looked up at her. He glanced around at Ginny, who was still pinning him tightly to her.

  
“No, no,” he said finally. “I’d like to be alone with Draco for a while, please.”

  
“Okay Harry,” Ron said, and moved to manhandle his little sister off of his best mate.

  
“Ron!” Ginny exclaimed as he pulled her from Harry.

  
“You heard him. Let’s give him some space. We can go for a stroll and get a cup of tea, okay?”

  
“Fine,” Ginny huffed. “Harry, we won’t be too far if you need me, okay?”

  
Harry just nodded.

  
Everyone exited the room, and finally it was just him and Draco. Silence, except for the soft beeping of the magical life support and monitoring equipment.

  
He toed off his shoes and climbed into bed next to Draco. He felt like he hadn’t been nearly close enough to Draco throughout this whole ordeal. He held him close and breathed in his scent. He smelled mostly of hospital soap, but there was still something uniquely Draco.

  
Harry shut his eyes and tried to sync his breathing to Draco’s. He had to listen closely to hear his weakened breathing, it was so soft and shallow. Harry could barely believe Draco was surviving, he was breathing so slowly.

  
But Harry matched his breathing anyway. He calmed his whole body down so that he could breath steadily in time with his lover.

  
It was so peaceful.

  
Gradually, Harry drifted off to sleep.

  
Deep in his sleep, Harry dreamed of Draco. Of the time they first met as eleven year olds on the train. Of all they had been through together at school. Following a scheming Draco through Hogwarts in sixth year. The night at the top of the Astronomy Tower. Malfoy Manor, when Draco refused to identify Harry. Even then, their connection seemed be drawing them closer together.

  
He dreamed of when they first saw each other again after the war, at Snape’s hospital bedside. Snape had been found just in time before the poison could take his life, but had been unconscious in St Mungo’s for months. Harry had visited frequently, and apparently, so had Draco.

  
At first Draco would leave the room the minute Harry entered. Finally, Harry had ran after him one day. He didn’t say anything, but handed him a wand. Draco had looked at it and recognized his own Hawthorn wand. He had refused to take it.

  
Harry argued with him for weeks about it, nagging him to take it back. Draco finally snapped and said the only way he would have it back is if he won it fair and square in a dual with Potter. Otherwise it would never be his again.

  
Harry had smirked. “Trophy room, midnight?”

  
Draco had just glared at that.

  
But they did duel in the end. Harry wore him down until he agreed to a time and place. It may not have been the middle of the night at Hogwarts, but it still felt like they were up to no good. They were in a field in the middle of the English countryside, at place Draco had specified. Harry was guessing Wiltshire since Malfoy Manor was located in that general area.

  
Harry had decided not to try too hard, as he wanted to lose after all. He wanted Malfoy to have the wand. It turned out that Malfoy was determined to win, and he had to give it his all just to avoid being slammed on his ass.

  
Finally, a well-timed  _Expelliarmus_  from Draco sent Harry exploding backwards and the Hawthorn wand flying out of his hand. Draco caught it, and then walked over to help Harry up.

  
“Fair play, Malfoy,” Harry said, taking his hand and standing up. They had both looked down at their clasped hands in shock. If only they had done this all those years ago, maybe things would have been different.

  
Their eyes had caught, and a weird tension pulsed between them. Draco stepped back suddenly, breaking the accidental handshake and whatever it was that had come over them.

  
“See you tomorrow, at St Mungo’s?” Harry had asked.

  
“Maybe,” Draco said, and then disapparated.

  
Harry smiled. Draco would be there, he could tell.

 

  
-

 

  
  
Hermione decided to poke her head into Draco’s room to check on Harry after they got back from their walk outside. She wasn’t going to stay long, but the shutters were closed and she just wanted to be sure Harry was doing alright.

  
What she found took her breath away.

  
“Ron,” she called out softly, gesturing he should come to her.

  
He moved to her side, alarmed at the shocked look on her face.

  
She just pointed into the room.

  
Harry was lying next to Draco on the bed, holding him in his arms. But that’s not what had shocked Hermione.

  
A pale white light was surrounding the two, wrapping them in a cocoon. It was twisting softly around them, holding them close.

  
“I’m going to get the Healer,” Ron said. “Don’t let anyone disturb them!”

 

  
-

 

  
  
Harry was dreaming about their first “date”. He’d asked Draco if he wanted to get some food one day, after they had both been at St Mungo’s watching over Snape.

  
Draco had agreed, although Harry didn’t think he’d thought of it as a date at the time.

  
Harry took him to a Muggle burger joint in London.

  
“Dirty Bones? What kind of place have you taken me to?” Draco had demanded.

  
“Relax, it’s just burgers. It’s trendy!” Harry laughed.

  
Draco had grumbled all the way down the stairs into the dark basement. “Honestly, anyone would think you’re taking me to a torture chamber!”

  
Harry just laughed and opened the door to a hip anti-room with a bar, pool table and old school juke box. Once Draco had seen it was in fact a restaurant, he calmed down somewhat. They were seated and served in no time. Draco would admit much later on that it was probably the best burger he’s ever had, but at the time he had feigned cool indifference.

  
When they had left the restaurant, they ended up wandering around the streets of Kensington for quite some time. It had seemed once they had started talking, they couldn’t shut up. Every topic imaginable, from burger joints being “hip”, the care Snape was receiving, the dive the Galleon had taken on the international wizarding currency exchange, and even to what both had been doing with their lives in the last few months. The one topic they stayed well away from was the war, and anything to do with their history growing up.

  
They finally stopped and looked around.

  
They had found their way into Notting Hill, and what would have usually been the Portobello Road Market, except for the fact that it was quite late at night. The high street was still very busy, as London always is.

  
“I have a flat near here,” Harry admitted. “Did you want to come over for a nightcap?”

  
Draco looked at him then, and suddenly clued on.

  
“I…” Draco was never one to stutter or be lost for words, but he didn’t quite know what to say, and there was always a first for everything. He ran a hand through his hair. “Stuff it,” he finally said, and suddenly pulled Harry to him, meeting his lips in a fiery kiss. The world seemed to stop when their lips met for the first time, and something seemed to click into place. Old wounds from their complicated past seemed to heal just a little, and not to matter quite so much.

  
When the kiss finally broke, Draco stepped back and looked into Harry’s eyes.

  
“Thanks for the offer, but I think I’m going to go home alone tonight. I think you need to work for it a bit harder first.” He flashed a cheeky grin at Harry, who’s eyes had been glazed over with lust, and then stepped fully away.

  
Harry rolled his eyes. “When can I see you next?”

  
“Tomorrow?” Draco suggested.

  
“Someone’s not eager,” Harry teased.

  
“Tomorrow it is then.”

 

  
  
-

 

  
  
Neville saw the commotion at the door to Draco’s room, but luckily Ginny did not. They had been having an intense conversation about the Montrose Magpies and how dismally they had been playing this season, which was so unusual for them, and so luckily Ginny had been facing the complete opposite way. She had become so clingy and overprotective of Harry recently that she was almost getting in the way, and it had been an unspoken agreement between Neville, Hermione and Ron to help keep her away from Harry so he could have some space.

  
“Lennox Campbell needs to retire already,” Ginny was moaning, “he’s getting much too old to play seeker for such a prestigious team. He’s dropping the ball, literally, and letting the whole team down.”

  
Neville just nodded, watching as Ron moved swiftly away from Draco’s room and to the Healer paging point.

  
“The only reason he’s still there is because his uncle’s the manager. Just because he’s family doesn’t mean he’s what’s best for the team anymore!”

  
“That doesn’t mean he’ll get replaced though,” Neville said non-committedly.

  
“Not until they’re out of the top three,” Ginny agreed. “Maybe once they drop out of the leaderboard, they’ll start thinking logically.”

  
Neville nodded again, as he saw Healer Periwinkle meet Ron in the hallway and enter Draco’s room, disappearing out of sight with Ron and Hermione.

  
He shifted his attention back to keeping Ginny occupied.

  
“Can you believe the Kenmare Kestrels though? I can’t believe they beat Puddlemere and the Magpies and are at the top of the league! Basically unheard of!” Neville exclaimed.

  
Ginny nodded and launched into yet another Quidditch theory.

 

  
  
-

 

  
  
Draco’s resolve lasted a whole two weeks.

  
Harry took him out practically every night, always to places in Muggle London, which were new and exciting for Draco. Secretly, Harry was starting to run out of ideas and was having to research new places, but Draco didn’t need to know that.

  
They went through a string of burger joints that Draco had never seen or heard of. Byron, GBK, Patty & Bun, Burger and Lobster, Honest Burger. Draco didn’t think he’d had nearly so many burgers in his entire life. He also didn’t know there were so many different clever names for a burger shop.

  
“Honestly, it’s like you’re trying to make burgers our thing,” Draco said one day.

  
“You want us to have a thing?” Harry said, winking at him.

  
“Well,  _if_  there was an ‘us’ and  _if_  we had a thing.”

  
Harry just grinned and sipped on his shake.

  
But finally Harry was running out of new places to take Draco. Who would have thought, he could run out of burger joints in a place as big as London?

  
“Let me take you out tomorrow night,” Harry started.

  
“Don’t you always?” Draco parried.

  
“No, not after we visit Snape or something casual like that. I’m picking you up at eight, and I’m taking you to a nice dinner.”

  
“Like, a proper date?” Draco smirked. “Why, Potter, anyone would think you’re trying to wine and dine me.”

  
“Exactly,” Harry said, looking at Draco with intense eyes.

 

  
  
-

 

  
  
  
Healer Periwinkle stepped into the room and closed the door behind them.

  
She gasped somewhat in surprise at the sight she was presented with.

  
Harry was lying next to Draco, holding him in his arms. He was also fast asleep. A white aurora of twisting light was wrapping itself around the two. It had increased in size and brightness since Hermione had first noticed it.

  
She glanced at Draco’s vitals. If anything, they seemed to be getting stronger. His breathing was more regular, his pulse stronger.

  
“I don’t want any magic cast in this room,” Healer Periwinkle said. “I’m not sure what’s happening here, but I don’t want anything to disrupt it. We don’t know how volatile it will be, or what effect it may have on Mr Malfoy or Mr Potter if they are disturbed.”

  
Ron and Hermione nodded their agreement.

  
“What is it?” Ron asked.

  
“To be honest with you both, I don’t really know. I haven’t seen anything like it before.”

  
The Healer stepped closer to the two sleeping men, and attempted to determine where the light was originating.

  
“It almost looks like… It looks like the light is coming from Harry, and wrapping itself around Draco,” Healer Periwinkle said.

  
Harry’s friends stepped closer to look at what she was describing.

  
It did appear that the light would pulse outward from Harry, drift slowly across his body and over to Draco’s, where it would wrap around him, almost absorbed by him.

  
“I’m going to have to call in some additional advice on this,” Healer Periwinkle stated. “Don’t let anyone interfere with this,” she said, rushing back out the door.

 

  
  
-

 

  
  
“Good evening, gentlemen, and welcome to Lobster London. Have you a reservation?”

  
“Yes, under Potter,” Harry says, the picture of respectability.

  
“Ah, yes, of course. This way, please, gentlemen.”

  
Draco started to follow the maître d', but stopped short at the incredible view over London the restaurant offered.

  
It showed an incredible 180 degree view, directly looking out over the river Thames. They were seated directly facing the houses of parliament and Westminster, with the London Eye directly opposite.

  
“Potter, I must say, you’ve out done yourself with this one,” Draco remarked.

  
“There’s even a burger on the menu, if you felt like it,” Harry said with a wink.

  
“I can’t believe you’ve managed to find a restaurant with arguably one of the best views in London, and it so happens to be a bloody burger joint!” Draco laughed.

  
“I don’t know about you, but I’m having lobster,” Harry said, feigning high-brow attitude.

  
Draco suddenly catches his hand. “This place is incredible, Harry.”

  
Harry blinks at him. “You called me Harry?”

  
“I did,” Draco nods, and lifts Harry’s hands to his lips, lightly kissing the back of his hand.

  
Harry gulps.

  
“I think I’ll have lobster as well,” Draco says softly.

  
Harry just nods, and hunger spread across his face, one definitely not for food.

 

  
  
-

 

  
  
Healer Periwinkle returned with two more Healers following in behind her.

  
Harry and Draco’s condition hadn’t changed.

  
The two new Healers were incredibly intrigued by the situation, and got as close to the aurora as they could without actually touching it. Both made a full circuit of the sleeping forms, making notes as they observed.

  
Finally they withdrew to a corner of the room to discuss with Healer Periwinkle.

  
Ron and Hermione couldn’t hear what was said, but the conversation looked quite heated.

  
Finally, they seemed to reach some form of agreement, and Healer Periwinkle looked up and approached them.

  
“Mrs Weasley?” Healer Periwinkle said, addressing Hermione.

  
Hermione nodded and stepped forward.

  
“I understand you’re listed as Mr Potter’s next of kin, if Mr Malfoy is not available?”

  
“That’s correct,” Hermione confirmed.

  
“Therefore I feel confident discussing this matter with you and your husband. To be frank, we don’t know what this is. None of us have seen it before.

  
“However, it seems to be improving Mr Malfoy’s health. We also think it’s starting with Mr Potter, and crossing over to Mr Malfoy. We’ve heard stories, nothing more than fables, really, of a magic bond forming between lovers in times of need, to help restore one of the pair to good health. But nothing like this has happened in living memory. The only recorded history of something similar is generations old. We’d only be guessing to tell you what this is or what it’s doing.

  
“The only thing to do really is let it run it’s course, and see where we stand when it stops. We just need your consent that you agree to this course of action.”

  
“It seems more than logical to me,” Hermione nodded. “Harry always has attracted… extraordinary circumstances.”

  
“In that case, I think it wise that a Healer monitor them at all times. You can remain in the room, but no one else is to enter. You also need to ensure neither of you do any magic, so as not to interrupt whatever this is. Is that clear?” Healer Periwinkle asked gently.

  
“Perfectly,” Hermione agreed. Hopefully, whatever this was, would bring about something good.

 

  
  
-

 

AN: The London restaurants mentioned in this are all real places. If you're interested in the view from Lobster London, the below is a picture I took when I went there a couple of years ago. For those familiar with London, It's at the top of Millbank Tower in Pimlico and I highly recommend.

 


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter lives up to it's rating! *cough*lemon*cough*

**Chapter Thirteen**

 

  
-

 

  
  
_I dreamed we were happy. I dreamed we were in love. I dreamed about when we first met, when we first kissed, when we first made love. I dreamed that I knew everything about you, and that you knew everything about me.  
_

_  
I dreamed our life together. And then the dreaming stopped, and it was no more._

 

  
  
-

 

  
  
They stayed at the restaurant for quite some time, drinking cocktails and watching London pass them by. They had arrived at sunset, and had watched the colours change around the city, until it dissolved into blackness, punctuated by the city lights.

  
Harry looked at Draco then, hunger in his eyes, and something else Draco couldn’t quite work out.

  
“Shall we get out of here then?” Harry said softly, taking Draco’s hand once more.

  
Draco paused, and held Harry’s gaze. He knew what Harry wanted. Hell, Draco wanted it too. But he couldn’t quite work out if there was something more to it. Always the untrusting type, Draco couldn’t quite believe Harry actually wanted  _him_.

  
“Are you sure?” Draco finally asked.

  
“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life,” Harry said, leaning forward.

  
Draco gulped. “But…”

  
“Draco,” Harry said, using his first name quite possibly for the first time ever. “I care about you. I’m not just looking for a random hook up. I don’t want this to be the first and the last time. I feel like I never want to stop seeing you. I feel like I always want to be around you.”

  
“But your friends, and family, they’ll never accept someone like me. My past, our past…”

  
“If I can get past it, so can they. If they truly love me, whoever I choose won’t matter to them. If they don’t accept you, I won’t want them as part of my life.”

  
Draco took a sharp breath at that.

  
“But…”

  
“No more ‘but’s’ Draco. We’ll jump those hurdles when we get to them. Right now, I really just want to take you home and ravish you.”

  
Draco chuckled, and slowly nodded. “Fine, then. Take me home, Potter,” Draco said, with a mischievous glint in his eye.

 

  
  
-

 

  
  
The pulsing light seemed to shine brighter all of a sudden.

  
It had seemed to be consistent for a long time, and a Healer had been constantly monitoring it.

  
And then suddenly it was stronger, thicker almost. After that initial surge though, it continued it’s steady pace, wrapping around the two boys, just now it was larger, thicker.

  
Something was happening, but no one seemed to know what.

  
Only time would tell.  
  


 

  
-

 

  
  
Draco felt himself get shoved up against a wall the very second they apparated into Harry’s flat.

  
Harry’s lips met his in a fierce clash, one that devoured him, body and soul.

  
His arms wrapped around Harry’s neck, and scrambled for purchase, bunching in Harry’s shirt. He pulled Harry closer, if at all possible, so they were flush, body to body against the wall. His hips bucked, and rubbed against Harry’s answering hardness.

  
“Harry,” Draco moaned, when Harry started to kiss down his neck.

  
Draco tugged at his shirt, and they broke away long enough to divest each other of them. Skin met skin, and Harry immediately went back to worshipping Draco’s neck. He slowly made his way down his chest, finding a nipple and sucking, hard.

  
Draco’s back arched, and his nails dug into Harry’s back.

  
Harry continued to explore south, tracing lazy lines down Draco’s chest. His hands fumbled with Draco’s belt, and finally Harry was pushing down his trousers, pants and all.

  
Draco shuddered as Harry’s hands ghosted up and down his hips, thighs and back, whilst Harry kissed and sucked his navel.

  
“Tease,” Draco managed to gasp out, and Harry chuckled.

  
Harry’s tongue made it’s way down his stomach, to his hips, back and forth on his skin, but always avoiding the one place he wanted it most.

  
Suddenly, the sensations stopped.

  
Draco opened eyes he hadn’t realized he had shut to look down.

  
Harry was in front of him on his knees. Shirtless. Looking up at him with intense desire shining from his eyes.

  
Draco gulped.

  
“So hot,” Draco murmured.

  
“What do you want?” Harry asked quietly.

  
“You know what I want,” Draco said.

  
“Beg me for it,” Harry grinned.

  
“You’re the one on your knees,” Draco rejoined.

  
“Fine, I have no idea what you want, so maybe I’ll just go to sleep…” Harry teased.

  
Draco rolled his eyes.

  
“Or are you going to beg me?” Harry said quietly. He came ever so close to Draco’s hard length, and breathed softly on the tip, without touching.

  
Draco moaned, but held silent.

  
“If I were you, I know what I would want,” Harry said, from directly in front of Draco’s cock. He could feel the movement of air around it as Harry spoke, and it was maddening.

  
“Please,” Draco said, finally breaking.

  
“Please what?”

  
“Please… Suck me.”

  
Harry pressed a tiny, almost non-existent kiss to the tip of Draco’s cock, and Draco jumped at the sensation.

  
“I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you?”

  
“Harry! Please, will you suck my cock. I’m begging you. Suck me. I want it so much, I need you to suck-nghh…” Draco was cut off as hot warmth enveloped his aching member.

  
Draco’s knees felt weak. He scrabbled to find something to hold onto on the wall.

  
He felt Harry’s hand at his base twisting back and forth, and Harry’s mouth building a steady rhythm. It was so intense, their build up had been so long, he wasn’t sure how long he could hold out.

  
Sensation was coursing throughout his body. He felt a slow burn at the base of his stomach, and he gasped as Harry increased the pressure. His hands fell to Harry’s head and he threaded his fingers through those dark locks.

  
“Harry…” he managed to gasp. “Bed…”

  
Harry ignored him and kept going.

  
Draco’s breath caught as Harry reached behind him with one slick finger, to tentatively stroke his opening.

  
“Please, Harry…”

  
Harry stroked his entrance, but didn’t go any further. It made his whole body quiver, this constant tease.

  
“Harry, I can’t… please…”

  
Just as he thought the burn was going to end him, Harry finally pulled away, and Draco fell to his knees on the floor next to him. He pulled Harry to him immediately in a hungry kiss. Harry’s hand had strayed back to Draco’s hardness, and continued to lightly stroke him. Draco moaned hotly into the kiss.

  
Finally, Harry dragged them up, and led them to the bed in the centre of the room.

  
Draco, already naked, moved into the centre of the bed to watch Harry finish undressing. Knowing Draco was watching, he made a show of it, slowly unbuttoning his jeans, pulling the zip. He pulled out his belt, and dragged the loose end through his other hand, before pulling it tight with a snap. Then he let it drop to the floor.

  
He slowly inched his jeans lower and lower down his hips, revealing black cotton boxer briefs. Draco’s felt a surge of desire in his stomach at the sight of it. Now naked except for these, Harry climbed onto the bed and grabbed hold of Draco’s ankle, dragging him towards himself, until he was hovering above him, almost flush, body to body.

  
He kissed Draco then, gently. It was a kiss filled with so much tenderness, Draco thought his heart might melt.

  
Draco’s hands wandered down to Harry’s boxers, and he slowly tugged them off, without breaking their kiss.

  
Draco’s back arched and he gasped as their bodies touched. Harry’s hand guided their aching member’s together, and Draco saw stars when they touched for the first time. Some kind of spark started between them, like electricity. Like magic.

  
“Can you feel that?” Harry murmured, holding them both together in his hands, and Draco nodded his agreement.

  
“I never want us to stop doing this,” Draco gasped.

  
Harry kissed him again, hard and deep.

  
Draco couldn’t hold on, the sensation was too much. His hardness sliding next to Harry’s, this intense feeling between the two of them. He came hard, and it was like an explosion of white, golden light.

  
At the time, he couldn’t say it out loud, but Draco knew from that point he was irrevocably in love with Harry James Potter.  
  


 

  
-

 

  
  
Ron jumped in surprise, as suddenly the light exploded, flooding the room with golden light.

  
They watched as the light withdrew as quickly as it had expanded, sucked down back to the boys, drawing into Draco.

  
A single thread of white, golden light remained, spreading from Harry to Draco, and then it too was absorbed into Draco, disappearing completely.

  
Ron stared in shock at what had just happened. Healer Periwinkle and Hermione were equally as frozen, unable to comprehend what had just happened.

  
And then suddenly Draco’s eyes snapped open.

 

  
-


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate leaving people waiting on a cliffy, so....

**Chapter Fourteen**

 

  
  
-

 

  
_Darkness. Emptiness._

 

  
-

 

  
  
Draco opened his eyes.

  
He had been dreaming about his first time with Harry. He wanted to just go back to sleep and stay in that dream, it was so warm and comforting.

  
Or was that the arms wrapped around him?

  
He looked to one side, and saw Harry sleeping next to him, holding him in his arms. Instinctively he kissed the top of his head.

  
“Mr Malfoy,” a strange voice said, and a woman in Healer’s robes came into view.

  
“Can you hear me?” she said.

  
He nodded, yes he could hear her. But what he wanted to know was why she was here, and interrupting his sleep with Harry.

  
“Why,” he started, but then stopped, as his voice didn’t quite work. He tried to clear his throat, but found he was parched. He tried to sit up, but the moment he moved his head he felt dizzy.

  
“Easy, Mr Malfoy,” the Healer said. “We’ll help you sit up, and then get you some water, alright?”

  
Draco nodded, but really, he didn’t want to leave Harry’s embrace.

  
The Healer came to Draco’s side, and Hermione appeared on Harry’s side. He jumped on seeing her, feeling a negative connection to seeing her, but was unsure why.

  
The Healer helped him to sit up in the bed, while Hermione shifted Harry so he remained comfortable and asleep.

  
The Healer passed him some water, which he sipped through a straw.

  
Suddenly he realized he was in the hospital. The Healer being here made so much more sense now. He looked about the standard issue hospital room, and noticed Ron Weasley standing on the opposite side of the room.

  
“What happened?” Draco managed to ask.

  
“You’ve been unconscious for over a week,” the Healer started. “My name is Healer Periwinkle, I have been monitoring you since you came into St Mungo’s. Do you remember any of the circumstances in the lead up to what happened?”

  
Instantly, Draco’s heart clenched. It burned. Whatever had happened, he was aching inside.

  
But then he looked at Harry’s sleeping form next to him, and something jarred. The memories came trickling back slowly, and Harry’s presence next to him didn’t fit. Harry had abandoned him, hadn’t he?

  
He’d made the biggest mistake of his life… with Hermione? He glanced at both Ron and Hermione, and was utterly confused.

  
“I think I remember... I made a mistake with… and Harry couldn’t forgive me, left me… and I…” he stopped to gulp back tears.

  
“Easy, no need to go through it all right now,” Healer Periwinkle said.

  
“But... Harry’s here. Ron and Hermione are here. What… Why would you all be here?”

  
“Oh, Draco,” Hermione said, reaching across Harry and taking his hand. He flinched away, looking to Ron. Hermione suppressed a saddened laugh.

  
“Relax, mate,” Ron said, approaching the bed. “We’ll explain everything. You’re awake now, and that’s all that matters.”

  
“What about Harry?” Hermione asked, addressing the Healer. “He’s still asleep?”

  
“We’ll need to run some monitoring spells and determine if we need to be concerned or not. Whatever just happened, he may just be exhausted and need the sleep. We’ll need to get you both set up in separate beds...”

  
“No!” Draco exclaimed. “I mean, I just don’t think that’s a good idea, yet.” He couldn’t understand why, but it just didn’t feel right to separate them yet.

  
Healer Periwinkle looked at him, and saw he was quite serious.

  
“Given the nature of what has just occurred, I believe we can allow it for the time being.”

  
Draco nodded his thanks, and settled back into the pillows.

  
Healer Periwinkle magically expanded the bed, to give them both plenty of room, but Draco still stayed close to Harry.

  
“I’ll need to run some tests on Mr Potter now, Mr Malfoy. If you could withdraw any contact with him so there is no interference. Mr and Mrs Weasley, you may remain if you wish, these tests will not be invasive.”

  
Ron and Hermione nodded, and moved to settle into some seats that were against the wall.

  
Healer Periwinkle spent some time casting spells and musing over the results. Finally, she set up some magical monitoring equipment which seemed to monitor heart rate and other vital signs.

  
She turned back to Draco, Ron and Hermione. “I’ve never seen anything like this before. The only way I can describe it is that he’s taken on all of Mr Malfoy’s condition, before the aura appeared.”

  
“What?” Hermione exclaimed.

  
The Healer nodded. “He’s in a deep comatose state, identical to Mr Malfoy’s. All the markers are identical. It appears like he has consumed too much Dreamless Sleep potion, and that we have worked to stabilize the effects.”

  
Draco’s brain scrambled to catch up. “Are you saying I did this to him?”

  
“No, quite the opposite. I think he’s done this to himself. He has quite extreme wild magic, wouldn’t you all agree?” Healer Periwinkle extrapolated.

  
Draco nodded, looking to Hermione and Ron who agreed.

  
“So, I think what we just witnessed was his wild magic. It connected to you, Mr Malfoy, as his lover, and it took away your illness. He healed you, but in doing so, took on all of your condition into himself.”

  
“And what was my condition?” Draco asked. “I was in a coma?”

  
“Yes. You consumed an extreme quantity of Dreamless Sleep potion. Mr Potter found you within minutes of consuming it, and rushed you here to hospital. If he hadn’t of acted so quickly, we probably would have lost you. As it was, we got to you in time to stabilize you, but we were unable to bring you out of your deep sleep.”

  
“And I’m allergic to Wiggentree bark,” Draco finished.

  
“Indeed, yes.”

  
“And so you said I’ve been in a coma for over a week?” Draco asked.

  
“Yes, and now Harry’s body is showing all the symptoms of such prolonged exposure to a comatose state. His breathing is erratic, his heart beat is weak.”

  
“This is mind boggling,” Ron said. “How can Harry suddenly have all of Draco’s symptoms? What are we going to do?”

  
“Harry’s not allergic to Wiggentree bark,” Draco suddenly exclaimed.

  
Healer Periwinkle’s eyes suddenly lit up. “Of course! There’s no obstruction to administering the Wiggenweld potion now. I’ll have it arranged immediately!” with that, she rushed out of the room.

 

  
  
-

 

  
  
“Harry’s been gone for quite some time,” Ginny remarked in the waiting room.

  
Neville sighed. He knew it was only a matter of time until she noticed it had been hours, and Harry had not reappeared. He’d done so well distracting her with all things Quidditch.

  
“Where is he?” she wondered out loud. “He’ll be with Draco of course, I might just go check on him.”

  
She stood up quickly and moved to Draco’s room before Neville even had a chance to say anything, let alone stop her. He quickly moved to follow her.

  
She stepped into the room and immediately noticed that Draco was awake.

  
“Oh my goodness, Draco! You’re awake!” Ginny gasped. “Thank Merlin! I was so worried! I couldn’t believe you had tried to kill yourself! All because of….” She hesitated, realizing what she was about to say. “I’m so sorry, ignore me. How’s Harry?”

  
Draco looked like a deer caught in headlights at all this commotion.

  
“Ginny,” Ron said, looking at Neville who was in the doorway, and approaching her slowly. “Give Draco and Harry some space. Harry’s not doing so well, but he’ll be fine soon.”

  
“What do you mean Harry’s not doing well?” Ginny started to panic. “Let me see him!” She pushed past Ron and into the room. She rushed to Harry’s side and took hold of his hand. “Harry, my darling Harry, what’s happened?” she moaned.

  
Draco looked at her then like she had grown two heads. He looked to Hermione, who just shrugged, and seemed to mouth “clingy”.

  
“I think, would it be alright with everyone, if I could have some quiet time?” Draco asked. “I’m feeling exhausted, I’d like to try and get some rest before the Healers come back to administer the potion to Harry.”

  
“Of course,” Hermione nodded.

  
“Potion?” Ginny asked. “What potion? Why does Harry need a potion?”

  
“Gin, we’ll explain outside. It’s going to be alright, just leave Harry and Draco to get some rest,” Ron said, pulling at his sister.

  
“I’m not leaving Harry if there’s something wrong with him!” Ginny exclaimed. “He was fine earlier, I don’t understand!” She started to break down into sobs.

  
“Ginny,” Ron said, at a loss as to why his sister was reacting so badly.

  
“No, you don’t understand!” she exploded. “It wasn’t supposed to be like this! No one was supposed to get hurt. He was just supposed to end up with ME!” she screamed.

 

  
  
-

 

  
  
The room rung with the echo of her outcry, but settled into a stunned silence.

  
“What… what’s going on?” Draco said, utterly confused.

  
Hermione gasped as the pieces clicked into place.

  
“I wasn’t the target, was I?” she asked quietly. “Harry was, all this time, you did all of this, for Harry?”

  
Hermione held Ginny’s gaze.

  
Neville and Ron looked back and forth between the two, not quite understanding fully what Hermione had realized.

  
“I never wanted anyone to actually get hurt,” Ginny repeated. “They were just supposed to split up, and Draco was just supposed to leave and never come back into his life.”

  
Draco felt like he had been slapped. “What?” he whispered.

  
“Oh, Harry, they’ve ruined it all now, you weren’t supposed to get hurt!” Ginny moaned, and she bent her head and kissed him gently, on the lips.

  
Draco watched her do this in stunned silence.

  
“Get. Away. From. Him.” The growl came from the most unlikely source. Ron.

  
“You poisoned my wife  _twice_  just to fill some sick and twisted childhood desire to be with  _Harry_?” Ron exclaimed. “What the fuck is wrong with you Ginny?”

  
He grabbed her by the arm and wrenched her away from him.

  
“No, you can’t do this. I have to be with Harry!” she screamed.

  
“Back off!” Ron yelled, shoving her against the wall. “What the fuck have you done? You know what you’ve done is the equivalent of rape? To three innocent people! Do you even realize how much pain you’ve caused? Ginny, what the hell have you done!”

  
“I just needed them to split up! If Draco cheated on Harry, there’s no way Harry would want to be with him anymore. They’d break up, and I would be there to help Harry through it. He’d see, he’d see that really we were meant to be together all along.”

  
“But somehow you’ve dragged my wife, my family, my happiness, not to mention Neville into it too?” Ron exclaimed.

  
“I had to test it, see that it worked. I tripped the dark magic indicator at the Auror office so you would get called away. Neville just happened to be at the Burrow. And it had to be Hermione, so Harry wouldn’t go turning to her for comfort, when he needed to turn to me.” It appeared once Ginny had started to tell her story she couldn’t stop the words from falling from her lips.

  
“So I planted the wine in the sitting room that first night. And I watched out of sight, until they started making out. I hid as they ran past me up to the bedroom. That’s how I knew my potion must have worked. Now I just needed to make it happen again with Draco.

  
“Harry and Draco arrived, but I couldn’t get the opportunity at first to trigger the dark magic indicator. Finally, I managed to get away when we were at the swimming hole that day. You both got called away, I planted the wine again that night just before Draco went into the sitting room with Hermione, and once they’d both had a glass each they couldn’t keep their hands off each other. It worked perfectly.”

  
They all stared at her in shock.

  
“Are you saying you poisoned us?” Draco said, finally catching on.

  
“A lust potion,” Ginny replied, “probably my best invention yet. George isn’t the only one good at creating things you know.”

  
“All this, just to get Harry?” Ron whispered. “What about me? I’m your brother! Look at what you’ve done to us! To me, to my wife, to Harry and Draco, to Neville! Ginny, this is so wrong.” He turned away from her then, shaking in anger, unable to believe what was happening.

  
Now free of her brother’s hold, she tried to rush back to Harry’s side.

  
“No you don’t,” Ron said, noticing her movement and grabbing hold of her wrist, again pushing her back to the wall. “Ginny, you’re under arrest, for the illegal use of an unlicensed potion, leading to non-consenting sexual relations between two parties on two different occasions.” He spelled her hands tied together.

  
As the ropes wrapped around her wrist, Ginny exclaimed in surprise and protest. “Arrest? Ron, what on earth are you talking about? You’re my brother! Take this off of me immediately!”

  
“Ginny,” Ron said, his voice broken. “I have no choice. You’ve left me absolutely no choice!” He then moved her into a chair and spelled her to it.

  
“Keep an eye on her,” he said to Neville and Hermione. “I need to call this in and get a team out here.” He walked out of the room, a grim look on his face.

  
Hermione was shocked at what she had just witnessed, felt frozen at her husband’s reaction to his sister’s betrayal. She noticed Draco’s face, he looked so tired and confused. “Draco, dear,” she said, approaching the bed. “We’ll tell you everything soon. It will all make sense soon, I promise.”

  
He nodded. Some things were already clicking into place as it was. It appeared that his liaison with Hermione had been masterminded by Ginny, through use of a lust potion? Did Harry know? Would that even fix things between them? Could that mean that maybe Harry could forgive him? But no, he didn’t want to get his hopes up.

  
Ron was back almost immediately with a team of six Aurors from his squad.

  
“Take her into custody,” he said. They entered the room and took hold of Ginny, marching her out immediately.

  
“No!” She screamed. “I need to stay with Harry! He’s hurt, he’s not well! That bastard Malfoy must have done it to him, no unhand me! I have to stay with Harry! Why are you arresting me, I’m not a Death Eater! It’s Malfoy you want! Harry was destined for me!” Her screams echoed back from the hallway, until suddenly they were gone, the Auror’s apparating her away.

  
Ron, Hermione and Neville looked at each other, and then back to Draco. Draco looked down at Harry. No one knew what to say, so they stood there in a stunned silence, processing what had just happened.

  
That was one mystery solved at least.

  
The bigger mystery of if they would get through this still remained to be solved.

  
He kissed Harry lightly on the lips, and settled down to sleep next to him.  

 

  
  
-


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was really hard for me to write. I'm not sure I'll ever be happy with this chapter, as an author nor as a person. But I hope you can enjoy it as part of the course of the story. Please do let me know what you think, even if you don't like it (but constructively please - no flames).

**Chapter Fifteen**

 

  
-

  
_Still the darkness raged on. But somehow, I felt more content. I felt warm, and complete._

  
-

  
  
Draco finally managed to get some rest after all the commotion. The Healers left him and Harry alone for a few hours, presumably to finalize the Wiggenweld potion. Draco had pulled Harry close to his chest and had fallen back to sleep.

  
The next time he woke, he couldn’t remember exactly what he had been dreaming about, but he knew it had been normal, and wonderful, and all to do with Harry.

  
He breathed in Harry’s scent, which was surrounding him, and nestled closer into his chest, holding him tight.

  
They were still alone in the room. He looked to the clock and it appeared that some hours had passed. He looked down at Harry in his arms, and sighed.

  
He was still heavily unconscious. If this is what he had been like, he couldn’t even stop to imagine how Harry must have felt this past week. At least Draco knew they could administer Wiggenweld within a few short hours, and Harry would likely be back with them as soon as the potion was ready.

  
Draco still didn’t quite understand what had happened to cause their swap in positions. He knew what the Healer had told him, that it must have been because they had a strong bond of love, and Harry’s magic was so unpredictable. But how could Harry still love him? Hadn’t Harry abandoned him? Sure, there was all this confusing business with Ginny, but… He’d felt sure that Harry was never coming back.

  
The Healer had said Harry had found him. Harry had brought him in and saved his life. Why had Harry come back that night?

  
Draco rubbed his eyes, too tired to second-guess everything. What mattered now was that Harry was here, and he’d somehow brought Draco back to life through sheer force of will, and had taken on the life-threatening coma himself.

  
“Idiot,” Draco muttered to him.

  
Healer Periwinkle chose that moment to quietly re-enter the room.

  
“I have the potion,” she said softly. “We can administer it immediately, although it will still take a few hours for him to reawaken.”

  
Draco nodded, and indicated she should give him the potion straight away.

  
She approached the bed, arranged the potion into a syringe with a spell, and then injected the potion directly into Harry’s blood stream intravenously.

  
“What do you think he’s dreaming about?” Draco asked quietly, stroking back his hair from his forehead.

  
“I don’t think he would be dreaming at all,” Healer Periwinkle said, her tone gentle. “He’s suffering from the effects of Dreamless Sleep potion, so I’d imagine he’d be completely unconscious, feeling, seeing and experiencing nothing from the sub-conscious. When you were in the same state, equally you would have had no dreams, either.”

  
Draco looked at her in puzzlement.

  
“That’s just the thing. When I awoke, I had been dreaming. I remembered every single detail in vivid clarity. It was like I had been re-living my life with Harry…” Draco said.

  
“Strange,” Healer Periwinkle said, a confused look passing over her face. “I don’t see how you could have dreamed at all, given the properties of the potion.”

  
“I definitely did, though,” Draco insisted.

  
“I wonder…” Healer Periwinkle started. “We found Mr Potter lying on the bed next to you. I wonder if this transference is connected to dreams. If somehow you had been drawn into a dream, his dream, that may very well have caused the potion to break its hold. It would have had to have been a very strong connection to fully bring you back to us though…”

  
Draco blushed, thinking back to the final dream he’d had, of his memory of their first time together. The first time Draco had really thought he loved Harry. “I’d say the dream was definitely a strong connection,” Draco smiled.

  
“I think we will need to discuss this further with Mr Potter when he awakens,” she agreed. “Until then, try and get some more rest. I imagine with the commotion earlier, you may not get too much more of it in the days to come.”

  
Draco nodded, and watched as she exited the room.

  
He glanced back down at the still sleeping Harry, and once again couldn’t quite understand how they had both come to be here.

  
All he could do was hope, hope that everything was going to work out in the end.

  
  
-

  
  
“Hey,” Harry said, his voice croaking. His eyes opened slowly, his vision blurred without his glasses. Even so, he knew it was Draco sitting up in bed next to him. “You’re awake,” Harry started, even though it was he who had just woken up. “You’re alive,” he finished softly. His heart lurched as he realized Draco was practically glowing with health sitting next to him, holding him.

  
“Of course, what else would I be?” Draco teased.

  
“And as snarky as usual I see,” Harry laughed.

  
Draco smiled at him, and stroked a hand through Harry’s wild locks.

  
“You nearly died,” Harry whispered, grabbing hold of Draco’s stroking hand. He brought it to his lips and kissed his hand. “I was so scared.”

  
“You nearly died too,” Draco murmured back. Harry looked at him in some confusion.

  
“What do you mean?” Harry said, moving to sit up slightly. “Why are we both lying here? What happened?” Confusion washed over Harry’s face.

  
“You’ve just been your usual stupid self again, throwing yourself into danger and not caring about the consequences.”

  
Something must have notified the Healer that Harry had awoken, as Healer Periwinkle entered the room once more.

  
“Mr Potter, you’re awake,” Healer Periwinkle said, a large amount of satisfaction laced through her voice.

  
“I didn’t know I was asleep,” Harry said in confusion, as Healer Periwinkle set about casting diagnostic spells and checking his vitals.

  
“Well, you were, for about four or five hours. You’ve given us all quite the scare. You’re going to need to take it easy for the next few days, these scans are really not to my liking.”

  
“What does that mean?” Draco asked her anxiously.

  
“It means that Mr Potter is still extremely weak, and showing all the signs and symptoms of coma recovery.”

  
“Coma recovery?” Harry asked, “What’s going on?”

  
Healer Periwinkle started to check Draco’s vitals as well.

  
“As expected, Mr Malfoy, you have a clean bill of health, that additional natural sleep has done you a world of good.”

  
“Can someone please tell me what’s going on?” Harry said, starting to get a bit tetchy that no one was telling him what had happened.

  
“You continue to amaze us Mr Potter. You’ve been demonstrating some unprecedented wild magic. I’ll leave that for Mr Malfoy to explain to you in detail in just a moment. For now, I’m satisfied with your condition, you’re both recovering as well as can be expected,” Healer Periwinkle said. “I thought I should let you both know that your friends have all headed home for some much needed rest, and now that you’re both back with us, I’ll be heading home also. I’ll be handing over your care to my colleague while I’m off duty. But I have a feeling you will both recover well from now on.”

  
“Thank you,” Draco said weakly. He had no doubt they would recover their health in no time. Their relationship however, that was another matter entirely.

  
“Once I’m back tomorrow, I’d like to further discuss your dreams and what you both experienced in depth, just to confirm our earlier theories. Mr Malfoy, there will also be additional follow up regarding the circumstances of your accident which we will need to work through. But for now, please just try and get some more rest. It’s really the best thing you both can be doing right now.” With that, Healer Periwinkle left them and shut the door.

  
Draco sighed, and looked to Harry’s questioning eyes. He suddenly realized they were alone together, and both awake, for what felt like the first time in eons.

  
“It seems that you really do have some crazy wild magic, Harry.”

  
Harry tried to sit up more, but felt too weak and fell back to the pillows. Draco moved to help him sit up and wrapped his arm around him, pulling his back into his chest.

  
“I woke up a few hours ago, having had the best dream.” Draco murmured into Harry’s neck. “I dreamt about the first time we made love. And something happened, and suddenly I was awake and you were in a coma.”

  
“What?” Harry exclaimed.

  
“Hermione and Ron said that your magic went wild. We suspect it’s connected to dreams, because when I woke up, I had been dreaming, but that shouldn’t be possible under Dreamless Sleep. I think you must have fallen into a natural sleep and started dreaming about us, and your magic drew me into the dream too. Apparently it looked like a white aura that fed from you into me. The Healer thinks it was a magical bond that could have only formed between two people who love each other, and comes about in a time of extreme need to heal each other. Or in this case, for you to heal me. But then you had all of my symptoms when I woke up. I was so worried about you.”

  
Harry attempted to laugh, but it turned into a cough. “If you were worried Draco, imagine what it’s been like for me the last week. But I still don’t quite understand, you were on the brink of death, how am I alive if I had all of your symptoms?”

  
“Well, you’re not allergic to the Wiggentree bark like me are you? So we administered the Wiggenweld potion about two hours ago.”

  
“Right. I think that makes sense. But… this bond thing? What does it mean? I don’t understand.”

  
“I know. A  _love_  bond. How could it possibly be what they say it is?”

  
“We’ve both always been the kind to do the extraordinary,” Harry said, twisting around to catch Draco’s eyes.

  
Draco looked away.

  
“Why do you think that’s so impossible, Draco?” Harry questioned.

  
But Draco didn’t respond, and continued to look away from Harry. It crushed him to see Draco look so dejected and so unable to look at him.

  
“Draco, please,” Harry pleaded. “Tell me… what happened? Why… why did you do it?”

  
Silence. Harry stroked Draco’s thigh, and Draco didn’t flinch away. Harry took a deep breath. Maybe right now wasn’t the right time to be jumping on the hard questions, but he had to know. He needed to fix this, this rift between them.

  
“Please… Was it because of me?” Harry begged quietly. “I’m so, so sorry Draco –”

  
Draco gulped, and sighed heavily. “Harry… I can’t… can we not do this right now?”

  
Harry paused as he took in Draco’s words, felt his stiff body language, and then nodded. He continued to stroke Draco’s thigh ever so lightly, and then nestled back into the warmth of his body.

  
“I couldn’t bare to lose you,” Harry said, wrapping his arms around Draco’s, which were holding Harry tightly still.

  
They sat that way for some time, sitting quietly and holding each other.

  
“I thought I had lost  _you_ ,” Draco said finally, so quietly Harry almost might of missed it. “Not… just now, but before.” He kissed the top of Harry’s head then. “When you left that night. And I couldn’t bear it any longer, the rejection, the loss, you walking away,” he said, practically talking into Harry’s hair. Harry could hear the break in his voice, the barely restrained hurt. “I just wanted the pain of losing you to stop.”

  
Harry stilled. Then he squeezed Draco’s hands tighter, guilt washing over him.

  
“Draco, about that night, when I came over…” Harry started.

  
“Don’t,” Draco interrupted. “Let’s not… let’s not talk about that.”

  
“It’s my fault you did this, what I did… I was so out of line.”

  
“Shhh,” Draco said, trying to cut Harry off. “Please, can we not-”

  
“I forced you, I shouldn’t have done what I did, you didn’t want it!” Guilt was pouring out of Harry in volumes. “I got them to test me for the lust potion as well, but it came up negative. I thought for sure there was no way I could have done that to you, but it turns out it was all me. I’m a monster! How can you even stand to be near me!”

  
“Harry! Shh. Stop that. Do you really think you could have made me do anything I didn’t want to do?”

  
Harry gulped and looked away. Yes, he thought, I probably could and did force you to do something you didn’t want to do.

  
“Look at me, Harry. Please.”

  
Harry twisted his head back, and met Draco’s eyes. He was met with love. Anguished love, but love all the same.

  
“I love you. No matter what,” Draco stated. “That night… I could have stopped you. You asked me multiple times if I wanted it, told me to tell you to stop, and I never did. I wanted you. I wanted our spark too.”

  
“But you weren’t hard…”

  
“How could I have been? I just couldn’t get out of my own head, I kept playing over and over what had happened with Hermione, that I had made you feel like this. I hated myself for it. I was absolutely distraught, and I had been drinking. I thought I was going to lose you. But I always, always want you. I always  _need_  you. I love you.”

  
Tears had welled in Harry’s eyes. “How can you love me, after what I did?” he said, looking away.

  
“Harry, I know what you were doing. You didn’t hurt me. Not anymore than I was already hurting myself. It was me that broke us. Or at least, that’s what I thought. Now I know better. What happened, me taking the Dreamless Sleep potion, that’s not because of the sex. Don’t ever think that. I thought you had left for good… and I didn’t know what else I would have if you’d left. I didn’t want to live with myself, thinking I had done this to you, caused the one good thing I had in my life to leave. It’s  _not_  your fault.”

  
Harry didn’t respond.

  
Draco sighed. He took Harry’s chin in his hand, and gently turned his face back to him.

  
“I won’t allow you to blame yourself for this. I love you so much it hurts. I love you so much that I had almost lost sight of myself, my life, the things that make me who I am. When you walked out that door that night I felt like my life walked out with you. It was  _nothing_ to do with the sex. When the war ended… and we ran into each other at Snape’s bedside, that’s when I needed to rebuild myself, find out what kind of man I was going to be with this second chance. But I didn’t. Instead I latched onto you, lost myself in you, and just let everything else fall by the wayside. I need to find myself again, Harry. I’ve lost track of who I am, outside of us, and thinking I had lost you… I was left feeling like I had nothing. That’s not your fault either. It’s something I’m going to need to address. But that’s never going to change how I feel about you. I, Draco Malfoy, love you, and only you, Harry Potter.” With that, he took Harry’s lips to his own in a fierce kiss. Harry whimpered, and relaxed into it, accepting it.

  
“Am I going to lose you?” Draco whispered softly, when the kiss finally broke. “Will you still walk out that door?”

  
“Never,” Harry gasped. “I’ll stay by your side for as long as you’ll have me. And I will always support you. I, Harry James Potter, love you too, Draco Lucius Malfoy. Always have, always will.” Harry kissed him again for good measure. “I love you for who you are Draco. Even if you feel like you’ve lost sight of him, I never have. And I’m going to help you find him again.”

  
They sat quietly for a few minutes, breathing heavily, Harry still being held by Draco, their cheeks touching as Harry’s head leaned back on Draco’s shoulder. Draco had silent tears running down his face, but neither moved to wipe them away. They held on tight to each other, never letting go.

  
“What about what happened with Hermione?” Draco finally braved to ask.

  
“You were drugged, Draco. It was  _not_  your fault, do you hear me? As soon as we work out who did it, that son of a bitch is going to Azkaban.” Harry trailed off at the look in Draco’s eyes.

  
“Ah,” Draco said. “About that. I need to fill you in on something that happened while you were asleep. We know who it was, and you’re really not going to be happy.”

 

-


	16. Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Sixteen

-

_We never expected the source of the darkness to come from within our own ranks. It’s strange what love can do to some. For most, it raises us up, makes us better, warms our souls. But for some, it can turn their hearts. No one ever expected Ginny. Sweet, innocent, caring Ginny. Had we neglected her, excluded her? Had we caused this? Had I caused this? We certainly hadn’t loved her any less than family, I loved her as a sister, but nothing more._

_It broke Ron the most, what he had to do that day. He saved one part of his family, only to ruin the other half._

_But what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. I hope._

-

“Draco, get up!” Harry yelled. 

Harry was pottering around in the kitchen, preparing coffee and breakfast the muggle way, as he always does. He munched a bit of toast as he loaded the plates up with scrambled eggs and bacon. 

He sighed, not hearing any movement from upstairs still, despite the delicious smells that must be wafting through by now. 

The last few weeks had not been easy since they had come home from the hospital. Harry had returned to a clean bill of health, and St Mungo’s had discharged them both. 

However, returning to their normal lives had seemed almost impossible. Harry had only been briefly in and out of work as required for Ginny’s case, and to sign various documents to allow another Auror to take over temporarily in his Team Leader role. Otherwise he had been spending time at home, trying to help Draco. 

On the other hand, Draco had quit his job entirely. And he had barely left their bedroom in four weeks. 

St Mungo’s had discharged them, however Draco’s actions had been considered extreme, particularly to the Healers. Before they had agreed to discharge him, they had set up sessions for Draco with a mental health Healer, who had specified he wanted to see Draco twice a week. Draco had agreed just to get out of the hospital. Just because he knew he needed to address these issues, didn’t mean he was particularly enthusiastic to do so with a complete stranger. But Harry had also insisted. If things were bad enough that Draco had wanted to end his life, Harry had wanted the absolute best medical care to help them through this. 

Harry had been trying his best to get Draco to these appointments, but it always was a battle. He honestly didn’t feel that things were getting better. If anything Draco was more morose and bed ridden now than ever. He seemed to be losing his will to keep going, and was spending more and more time in bed, sleeping, reading. He was cycling down the dark road of depression, and Harry knew there wasn’t much he could do to help pull him out of it. He’d have to want to get past this, have to decide to move on by himself, no one but Draco could do that. 

But today was not an appointment day for Draco. Today he needed to get up for an entirely different kind of appointment, one which was probably causing this downward spiral. 

“Draco, don’t make me come up there!” Harry yelled. He leaned against the island in the kitchen and listened out for any signs of movement, but didn’t hear anything. 

He moved back to the coffee machine and poured two cups. He looked forlornly at the breakfast he had prepared, and cast a warming spell over it to stop it from spoiling. It never tasted as good after a warming spell. With a sigh, he picked up the cups of coffee and headed up the stairs. 

He bustled in through the bedroom door, ignoring the fact that Draco still appeared to be asleep. 

He put the cups of coffee down loudly on the side table and sighed again. 

“Draco, come on, you have to get up.” 

No response from the bundle of blankets. 

“Right, that’s it,” Harry exclaimed. He spelled the bedroom curtains open, letting natural sunlight filter into the room. Then, he reached for the duvet and ripped it off of the bed, to which Draco angrily protested. 

“So, you are awake,” Harry said, annoyance filtering through his voice. 

Draco rolled his eyes and fell back on the bed, putting his arm over his eyes. “Close the curtains will you,” he commented. 

“Draco!” 

“What, I’m trying to sleep.” 

“It’s ten o’clock Draco! You need to get up. You know full well what day it is.” 

“Yes,” Draco replied in a monotone. 

“We need to be at the hospital for eleven. I’ve cooked breakfast, there’s coffee on the side. I don’t want to deal with this today, Draco.” 

“Well, that’s just too bad, Potter, because I’m not going.” 

Harry growled. “Yes, you bloody well are going.” 

“Am not,” Draco replied. 

“Seriously, am I dealing with a teenager here?” Harry said, exasperated. 

“Teenager? I’ll give you teenager!” Draco yelled. He picked up a pillow and threw it at Harry, who just managed to dodge it. 

“For fuck’s sake Draco! You _have_ to get out of bed today. I know this is hard, but for Merlin’s sake, none of us have a choice in this!” 

“Yes, and we bloody all know who’s fault that is don’t we,” Draco retorted. “Potter’s gaga-eyed admirer, who fell in love with him, and decided to fuck with everyone’s lives to get what she wanted!” 

“Don’t use that against me. I had no control over what she did, just like you didn’t.” Harry sighed. “Draco… I know you’re scared. I am too. Please. I don’t want to fight, we can’t keep taking this out on each other.” 

Draco looked away, but said nothing. 

“Draco, we have to get going. We need to be there today.” 

“You go then. I’m staying right here.” 

“Look, I know how hard this is. But we’re in it together. Whatever happens today, I’m always by your side. If Hermione’s child turns out to be yours, then so be it. I love you. But wouldn’t you rather know for sure, so we can both put ourselves out of this misery of not knowing?” 

Draco looked at him, eyes full of uncertainty. 

“Draco, you need to know if you’re going to be a father.”

“I definitely do not want to know if I’m going to be a father.” 

“If the roles were reversed somehow, and one of us was in Hermione’s position, don’t you think you’d want us all there for support? How would you feel if she refused to show up, refused to be present? We have to go and help her through this. She’s just as much a victim here, if not more so. She didn’t have a choice in this either.”

Draco rubbed his eyes in exasperation. “Fine. But only for Hermione, and only because she’s always been good to us.” 

Harry smiled. 

“Well, there’s coffee on the side table and breakfast downstairs. I’m going down to have mine. Get in the shower, you smell.” 

Draco rolled his eyes. “Yes, wonder boy.”

 

-

 

Ron nodded at them both as they arrived into the waiting room of the pre-natal clinic. 

Hermione was sitting on one of the chairs, one of her legs bouncing in a nervous jitter, and couldn’t quite acknowledge their arrival. Ron had been pacing back and forth, restlessly awaiting the arrival of the other three. 

Harry looked to Draco, who looked even paler than usual, and took his hand in his. “It will be alright, no matter what happens,” he whispered, squeezing Draco’s hand. Draco squeezed back. 

Before Harry or Draco had been able to take a seat, Neville also arrived. The four men found themselves standing in the small waiting room, looking between each other. Ron looked tense and drawn, Draco terrified, Neville curious and nervous, and Harry, well he just looked determined and supportive. Harry walked to Neville and gave him a hug, to break the tension. 

“Good to see you, Neville,” he said. Neville nodded in acknowledgement. 

“We all seem to be spending far too much time in hospital waiting rooms lately,” Harry commented, trying to lighten the mood. “We have to stop meeting like this,” he joked. 

Draco smiled at that, reflecting back to the circumstances that lead to Harry and Draco getting together all those years ago, at Snape’s bedside in St Mungo’s. 

“If it weren’t for hospital waiting rooms we never would have found each other,” Draco murmured. 

Harry smiled, and squeezed his hand again. “Don’t worry, I seem to be the biggest fan of hospital waiting rooms at the moment. They let me find you in the first place, they saved you, and delivered you back to me.” 

“Mrs Weasley, the Healer is ready for you and your husband…” the Medi-Wizard said, entering the waiting room, and then did a double take at not one but four men waiting with her. 

“As you can see I have some additional guests along, I’ve already had this approved with my Healer,” Hermione said quietly. 

“By all means,” the Medi-Wizard said, motioning them through. 

They all filed in behind the door that separated the waiting room from the rest of the exam rooms. The Medi-Wizard ushered them into a medium sized room with a comfortable looking examination bed in the middle. She indicated for Hermione to make herself comfortable on this, and Ron went to her side and took her hand protectively. The others hovered to the side of the room awkwardly, unsure whether to sit or stand, move closer or stay away. Harry couldn’t help but feel sorry for Neville, who didn’t have a partner here to lean on and help ease his awkwardness. 

The Healer then entered the room, one Harry had not yet encountered. She was youthful and healthy, and had a very no-nonsense stride, her blonde hair tied back severely. 

“Well Mrs Weasley,” she said. “Time to have your 12 week check up. We’ve discussed a lot of things at your last check up and I’ve also seen the reports in the newspapers of what’s been going on at home. That’s quite a story.” 

“Yes,” Hermione said, almost timidly. “As you may have heard, we’ve been the victims of a poisoning incident which has lead to confusion about who the father is of this pregnancy. As we discussed over the floo call, we all think it best to do the paternity test.” 

The Healer nodded. “Where are my manners,” she said, looking around the room. “My name is Healer Tempest,” she said, shaking hands with the men in the room. They introduced themselves in turn. “Quite difficult circumstances you’ve all found yourselves in, isn’t it? A pity the press got hold of the story as well.” she commented. Harry nodded, but Neville and Draco just looked on grimly. 

“Well, no need to worry that what happens here will go any further, this is all medical-in-confidence. The tests I can perform today can provide us with an image of the child, it will check all the necessary medical requirements and make sure baby is happy and healthy, and it will let you know the gender and the paternity. Mrs Weasley has previously indicated she did not want to undergo the advanced tests of finding out details such as physical features, preferring it to be a surprise. If everyone is happy with this I will proceed with the tests?” They all nodded. 

The Healer moved to the opposite side of the bed to where Ron was standing and drew her wand. She whispered a small incantation and soft blue and pink light flew from her wand in a steady stream to settle around Hermione’s practically flat stomach. It formed a circle around her abdomen, and gently moved round in circles, the colours intertwining. Finally, the colours seeped downwards and into Hermione. 

Harry looked on in awe, having never seen this done before. He looked at the faces of those around him and realized most probably had not seen this ever before either due to being only children, or not from the magical world. Only Ron might have seen it when Mrs Weasley was pregnant with Ginny, and then he would have been a baby. A look of wonder spread across Hermione’s face. Of course, she would have read about this, but reading about something and seeing it, feeling it done are two entirely different things. 

Finally, a pink thread started to emit from the centre of Hermione, about where her own belly button would be below her clothes. The thread curved and started to draw out a pink image in the air, at first vague and indistinct, but becoming more and more detailed as the thread continued to draw. 

Finally, the tiny form of a human was represented in pink glittering translucent thread in the air above Hermione. It was no larger than the size of a lemon, the fingers and toes as small as needles, barely distinct from each other yet. 

“This is the first part of the spell,” Healer Tempest stated. “Congratulations Mrs Weasley, you’re having a baby girl.” 

Hermione let a small sob escape, and clutched Ron’s hand tighter, tearing her eyes away from the image of her child to look into his eyes with love. “A baby girl,” she whispered to him. “Look how tiny she is,” Hermione sobbed. 

“She’s perfect,” Ron replied, and he smiled and kissed her cheek.

Harry couldn’t help but feel like an outsider, being privy to such a private and intimate moment between his best friends. If he of all people felt like an outsider, he couldn’t imagine how Draco and Neville were feeling. He stepped closer to Draco, wrapping his arm around his lower back. 

“We’ll have to pause here while I work through all the standard medical checks, although it looks like baby is very happy,” Healer Tempest said. 

Over the course of ten minutes Healer Tempest worked through all the standard checks, whilst they all got to look on at the perfect image of the baby girl growing inside Hermione. The image even moved when the baby moved. Half way through the checks, the sound of a heart beat filled the room as Healer Tempest checked the baby’s pulse. Hermione’s eyes filled with tears of joy at the sound, although Harry was sure he felt Draco shudder slightly. 

“You alright?” Harry asked, looking to Draco. He nodded tersely. He still hadn’t said a word through this whole process. 

Finally, Healer Tempest concluded the necessary checks and advised that the baby was indeed very happy and healthy, and progressing along normally. 

“Shall I conduct the paternity test now?” Healer Tempest said, looking between the people in the room. 

Hermione nodded, and took a deep breath. 

Draco started to tremble in Harry’s arms. 

“This spell is quite a neat little trick,” Healer Tempest started. “The image of the baby will move through all the occupants of the room, testing to see if it feels a genetic connection that would mean the person is the baby’s father. That’s why it’s also quite important that the potential father, or fathers as the case may be, are present. Once the image of the baby feels it’s found a match, it will settle into the arms of the father. You won’t feel much when the image settles into your arms, it won’t be like holding a real baby, just the sensation of warmth. Sometimes it takes a few tries as well, especially with so many present, so the baby may move through you all a few times. At these early stages the magic isn’t as strong, so it may need to get a feel for everyone first, and then decide, so don’t be alarmed if it doesn’t immediately pick you,” she said, directing the last in Ron’s direction. 

Harry took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. Here we go. 

The Healer cast the spell, and the image of the baby started to move slowly away from Hermione, however it always stayed connected to her by a thin thread of pink. 

It moved first to Ron, hovered a few moments, and then moved on. Next it moved onto Neville, again, pausing for a couple of moments, and Harry could almost feel it taking in the measure of him from over here. It moved on again, this time to Draco. The baby seemed to turn just at that moment, doing a somersault mid-air. But it seems the baby was just moving around inside Hermione, as it then moved on again. As Harry was in the room, it moved onto him for a few moments, but paused for only a fraction of the time of everyone else. He was only here to support Draco, so he hadn’t really expected the test to consider him. He felt a strange sensation as a pink light filled his eyes, and he assumed this must have happened to the others also, as the spell assessed him. It quickly moved on from him, and Harry’s vision returned to normal.

The baby’s image bypassed the Healer, recognizing she was female and therefore not a candidate. 

It floated back to Ron, and Hermione looked up in hope. Ron’s eyes lit up and he half raised his arms, hoping the baby would settle. But just as Harry thought for sure the baby was going to float into his arms, it back-pedaled and drifted away into the centre again. 

Ron looked crushed, his face falling. Hermione’s hand covered her mouth. Harry hoped that maybe the spell just needed to do another round just to be sure…

But this time the baby bypassed Neville entirely, and drifted straight for Draco. 

It pushed into his chest, and did another flip mid-air. The room filled with pink light, and this time Harry knew everyone else could see it. Harry had to move away from Draco slightly, as Draco almost involuntarily had to raise his arms to catch the baby pushing into his chest. Once he did, the image of the baby settled comfortably into his arms. 

Draco stared at it in shock. 

Harry stared at him in shock. 

Hermione gasped, and Ron went ashen. 

A small groan escaped from Draco, and if Harry had not been staring at him so intently, he would not have had time to catch him, as Draco fainted, falling like a stone. 

 

-

 


	17. Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Seventeen 

 

-

 

_Ginny was the least of my problems then. The dark beast that consumed Draco was something else entirely._

_It may not have been the life he would have chosen. It may not have been what he wanted. But somehow, he needed to find a way to live. Hope pulled us through that._

 

-

 

Harry ducked as a crystal tumbler went sailing over his head and smashed into the wall. 

“I hate her!” Draco screamed, reaching for another glass. 

“Who, Draco?” Harry yelled back, “Ginny for doing this, or Hermione for getting pregnant?” The baby for existing, he didn’t add. 

“Both! Neither!” Draco yelled, throwing another glass. 

“Smashing all the crystal is _not_ going to help!” Harry exclaimed, pulling on his hair in exasperation, and then watched in resignation as three more glasses went sailing by in quick succession. 

Draco was breathing heavily. He seemed to have run out of glasses to throw. He collapsed, falling to the kitchen floor, as wracking sobs tore through his body. 

“Draco,” Harry said softly, walking up to him. He got down on the ground next to him, and pulled him into his arms. Draco turned to him and pushed his face into his chest, as his tears fell freely. 

They sat there for some time, Draco crying, Harry holding him. 

“I don’t blame Hermione, you know,” Draco said softly, as his sobs started to ease. 

“Of course not,” Harry said softly. 

“It’s just, it’s killing me. I can’t imagine how you’re feeling. What I’ve done to you.” 

“Draco, you haven’t done anything to me. We’ve been through this.” 

“I know that, logically. But I can’t stop but feel I’ve ruined things. That I’m a failure. That I did this. That I betrayed you with her.” 

“You know that’s not true. Ginny did this. She took away your free will. She poisoned you and you had no choice in what happened.” 

“Yes, but she did it to get to you. She wanted me out of the way. She didn’t think I was good enough for you. I’m not good enough for you!” 

Harry sighed. “Something was wrong with Ginny, Draco. No one else thinks that. Hermione and Ron had known we were meant for each other, long before I ever did. They saw early on that we had some kind of connection, and they weren’t surprised at all to see us together. You know this. Mrs Weasley loves you. And most of all, I think the world of you. You’re the only person I want to be with, always and forever. I love you.” 

Draco sobbed, and held Harry closer. 

“You will always be good enough for me Draco,” Harry said. “Nothing that’s happened in the last few months could ever change that.” 

Draco just nodded into his chest, but Harry could tell he still didn’t quite believe him. There was a part of Harry that was afraid Draco would never believe him again. That Draco would always be on the look out for Harry to leave, for Harry to decide he wasn’t worth it. The trust between them, once given so freely and without thought, had been broken, and whilst they knew they loved each other, finding their trust again was going to be a long and bumpy road. 

And Harry couldn’t help but feel the real person to blame was himself. All this talk of it not being Draco’s fault, that Ginny was to blame, but really, he was the problem. He had driven Draco to the brink, Draco loved him so much, and he had taken advantage of that. It pushed Draco so far into despair he had wanted to end the pain. And Harry would always feel that was not Ginny’s fault, it was his. 

But all he could do was to try and make up for it. And he would keep trying, for every day of their lives to come, if Draco would have him.

And now, Draco was going to be a father. It almost seemed to make everything worse between them. There would be a child, and it would be Draco’s. There would always be a constant reminder of everything that had happened. A few tears welled in Harry’s eyes, because he honestly was starting feel like they would never pull through from this. 

“What are we going to do?” Draco said quietly. 

Harry kissed the top of his head, but said nothing. 

His lack of response made Draco pull away slightly and sit up, so he could look into Harry’s eyes. Draco gently touched Harry’s face, stroking his thumb over his cheek, and then his lips. 

“I love you so much,” Draco said. “So much, that it hurts.” His thumb traveled up to Harry’s eyes, where a lone tear had escaped. Draco caught it, and wiped it silently away. 

Harry finally caught Draco’s hand, and leaned his face into him. Draco moved in, almost hesitantly, touching his lips to Harry’s. 

It was soft and tender, a gentle kiss shared between two breaking hearts. 

Harry wrapped his arms around the blonde, and Draco moved closer, climbing into Harry’s lap, straddling him. Harry’s hands settled on Draco’s hips, pulling him in. Harry deepened the kiss, and Draco responded, pushing himself into Harry’s embrace.

Harry hadn’t known whether Draco would ever want _this_ again. In the four weeks since they had been home, they hadn’t been intimate, beyond sharing a bed, holding each other, kissing to reassure themselves. Harry had not wanted to initiate anything, he wanted Draco to come to him when he was ready, considering the last time… But so far Draco had not. 

He’d started to worry that despite all the times Draco had told him he loved him, that Harry had actually broken this for them. 

Draco moaned, but didn’t break the kiss. He shifted his hips forward, pushing his hips into Harry’s, feeling their bodies align. 

Harry ran his hands up and down Draco’s sides, and slipped them under his shirt onto his bare skin. It electrified him, to finally be able to feel that soft alabaster skin under his hands once more. Draco was practically rocking in his lap now, and he could feel his straining hardness through his trousers, rubbing against Harry’s own. 

“Harry,” Draco gasped. “I want you so much.”

Harry didn’t reply, just reclaimed Draco’s lips. He felt astounded that Draco could want him, this, and that Draco was practically bursting at the seams for it, after everything. He nudged Draco’s arms up and pulled off his shirt, desperately trying to reach more of his bare skin. He claimed that skin all over again, learning it afresh, running his hands over the small of his back, his shoulder blades, his neck, running them over the front of his chest, his nipples, where he paused to tweak and play with them, eliciting another moan from Draco. He kept his hands constantly moving, down to his abdomen and belly button, and slightly lower still. He stayed there, running little circles on Draco’s lower stomach, causing Draco’s skin to tremble and goose bumps to appear all over his skin. All the while they were devouring each other, trying to kiss away the world, the hurt, the past. 

Harry’s hands ever so slowly drifted to the button of Draco’s trousers, wanting to undo it, holding back the urge to rip Draco’s clothes from him in shreds. But he wanted Draco to want this too. He wanted Draco to _need_ him to do this. 

Draco’s hips surged forward again as he pushed himself into Harry’s lap even further. They were driving themselves crazy with the friction, knowing each other was hard and wanting, and taunting themselves with the clothed contact. Harry hadn’t done any more to undo Draco’s trousers, his hand was just hovering there, his fingers just inside the waistband, stroking his skin. His other hand had ventured to Draco’s thigh, and further up to his round, firm behind, squeezing him and pulling him closer, grinding them together. 

Apparently getting frustrated with Harry’s hesitation, Draco swatted away Harry’s hand at his fly and swiftly undid the button himself, pulled down the zip and attempted to wriggle out of his trousers whilst still straddling Harry. Harry growled, wanting the trousers off immediately, so he moved Draco backwards in one swift movement onto his back on the kitchen floor, pulling off Draco’s trousers. Draco scrambled for Harry’s tee shirt, ripping it off and pulling Harry back to him. They were both frantic and panting heavily, only breaking to remove clothes and move their desperate kissing to other parts of each other’s bodies. Draco latched onto Harry’s bare nipple, biting and laving it, and Harry groaned. 

Draco writhed underneath him, pushing his hips up again and into him, needing the friction. His hands had wondered down to Harry’s buckle and fly as well, and Harry shimmied out of his jeans. 

It was such sweet torture, being able to feel, see and touch absolutely everything of Draco, except where they needed it most. Their underwear continued to create a fabric barrier of friction, as they rutted against each other. 

But Harry was being too cautious, taking his time, holding back on his desires to ravish. And it was driving Draco mad. He wanted more and he wanted it now, and Harry was being too gentle, too hesitant, so he hooked his leg around him and flipped them, so that Harry was trapped underneath him. He pinned Harry’s hands above his head with one hand, and with a cheeky grin started to ease Harry’s briefs down. Harry moaned as his aching member was released to the cool air, hips lurching upwards in approval. Draco chuckled at how eager he was. 

“Stay exactly as you are,” Draco moaned, as he moved down Harry’s body. He started by kissing Harry’s lips, but moved away from them fairly eagerly, to Harry’s jaw, savouring the five o’clock shadow which was deliciously rough to the touch. His mouth travelled down Harry’s neck, over his Adam’s apple and paused at his collarbone, his tongue teasing into the dip in the centre. He trailed his tongue ever so slowly down to one nipple, circling it, biting, sucking it. He circled it again with the tip of his tongue, and then lightly dragged across to the other, where he nipped and ravaged it. When Harry was moaning and whimpering, turning mad with lust at Draco’s teasing, he finally kissed his way down his torso, lower and lower. 

Draco eyed Harry’s cock, which was large and throbbing. He breathed softly onto the tip, which caused a strangled moan to escape Harry. Ever so gently he lowered his hot mouth over the tip, gently sucking and teasing with his tongue. Harry’s hands moved away from above his head, where he had been trying to keep them on Draco’s orders, and he reached for Draco’s blonde locks, threading his fingers into it. As Draco felt Harry’s hands on him, he released his cock. “Ah-ah, Harry. What did I say?” Harry whined, and let go of Draco, moving his arms back above his head. “That’s a good boy,” Draco purred. 

He slowly lowered his mouth back to Harry’s cock, starting gently and slowly, and Harry cried out as the warmth enveloped him more and more. The intensity increased, and Draco started to move faster and faster. Harry was panting heavily, resisting the urge to move his hands back to Draco, to push him further, harder onto his cock. Merlin, he wanted, needed so much more. Draco knew his body too well, knew all the right tricks to bring him ever so close but not too far. He already felt close to the edge, but every time his body tensed, and he thought he might just fall into the abyss, Draco backed off, slowing him down, bringing him back. 

“Please… Draco,” Harry managed, not quite sure what he was begging for. 

He felt Draco smirk around his cock, as he continued to torture him, balancing him on the edge, bringing him close to orgasm but never quite letting him. 

“I can’t… I can’t…” Harry babbled, becoming incoherent. 

Finally, Draco slowed down. His pace became gentle, caressing. He eased off of Harry and crawled up his body, nuzzling his face into Harry’s neck, kissing him right below his ear where he knew it drove Harry crazy. Harry’s hands were ripping off Draco’s underwear almost of their own volition, and once they were off his hands came back to his tight, smooth ass. He kneaded it in his hands, pulling Draco’s hips down to his own so that their hard, aching cocks touched skin to skin for the first time. Draco gasped, and allowed Harry to move them in time for a few moments. 

They lay on the floor, writhing, entangled and rubbing against each other. Harry stretched the round globes of Draco’s ass apart as he pushed and pulled Draco to him. Draco sat up then, still moving his hips in time, but moved to align their cocks better. He took hold of them both together with his hands, and glided up and down their shafts. 

Harry slipped one had further inwards, and gently touched a finger to Draco’s opening, massaging the entrance, almost asking permission. Their eyes locked and Draco moaned, urging him on. Harry whispers a lubricating spell and inserts one finger inside Draco ever so slowly. Draco moans again, this time louder and more desperately. His back arcs as Harry’s finger enters him, and his hands speed up on their cocks. He wants this so much, he’s a quivering mess on top of Harry, urging him on, telling him to hurry. Harry crooks his finger in a particular direction and Draco shudders in desperation. 

“Now,” he manages to gasp out, and releases their cocks from his grip. He moves forward, barely giving Harry a chance, and positions Harry right where he wants him, rubbing Harry’s cock between his cheeks. Harry moves his finger away quickly, and Draco immediately lines him up with his entrance. Before Harry can even move, Draco is already slowly lowering himself onto his rock hard cock, a look of pure ecstasy on his face. Once he’s fully seated, he almost freezes in amazement, as he looks down at Harry. They hold each other’s gaze, and an intensity of feeling swells. 

That spark, that connection, that electricity. It surrounds them, engulfs them. It’s back, that feeling of right, of wholeness. Harry can feel it deep in his chest, a tightness that doesn’t quite feel real. He feels so connected to Draco, more than he ever has before. The tight, hot warmth that envelopes his cock is nothing to the pressure that surrounds his body, that surrounds his heart. 

“Oh, Draco,” Harry gasps out. 

“I know,” Draco replies, his eyes telling him that he feels it too. Slowly, Draco starts to move himself up and down, and Harry can’t breathe. He couldn’t think he could possibly feel any better than those first few sensations, but the movement drives him wild. He’s a wreck in the sea of emotions flooding his body. Draco’s pace builds, and Harry can see he’s caught up in their connection. Their eyes never break contact as Draco moves up and down, Harry’s hands still on his hips, guiding him. Draco reaches for his own cock, but Harry moves him away, taking hold of it himself. He moves in time with Draco’s movements, and Draco finally closes his eyes as he starts to really lose himself in the feeling. 

“I love you,” Draco gasps, and he can’t hold himself back, coming and coming and coming. His face contorts in pure joy as he finds his release, his body tightening around Harry, and Harry watches intently as the sensations course through his lover’s body. 

He’s not going to last much longer either. He doesn’t let Draco’s movement stop, encouraging him to keep pace, using his own hips to bolster him as Draco’s body starts to weaken in pleasure. Draco moans as Harry continues to push in and out of him, the sensations coursing through him intensified ten fold now that he’s come. Harry loves it when Draco’s like this, still riding the wave of orgasm, every nerve and every breath on edge. He pushes harder, faster and he feels Draco tighten around him even more. Their pace became impossible, frantic, desperate. 

And then Draco opens his eyes and catches hold of Harry’s once more. They’re so full of love, lust, desire, Harry can’t stand it. The world explodes in a kaleidoscope of colour, and then Harry sees white as his body is enveloped in pure bliss. He rides the high, and their pace slows, and finally Draco falls forward into Harry’s arms, both spent. 

He feels whole. He hadn’t realized quite how empty he had felt before, how broken, how lost. But now, they’ve come home. 

“I love you, too, Draco,” Harry managed to whisper. “I love you so much, I want to tell you every minute of every day.” 

Draco smiled into Harry’s chest, registering the words, but unable to respond. He clutched him tighter with the last of his energy, as they both fell into sated sleep. 

 

-

 

The room was silent, except for the soft crackle of the fire in the hearth. A warm glow filled the room, the same fire being the only source of light. 

Harry and Draco were entwined together on the sofa in their living room, wrapped in a cashmere blanket, sitting, talking, drinking wine. They hadn’t bothered to dress, just moved to a slightly more comfortable position. They’d been there for hours, reflecting, kissing, sharing thoughts and memories. They’d avoided the hard topics so far, but the easy topics had gone a long way to helping heal. They were finding each other again, through the layers that had built up and distracted them from being them.

They had been silent for a few minutes now though. Harry sipped his wine, content. 

“What do I know about being a father to a baby girl?” Draco said quietly, staring intently at Harry. “I never thought that children would come into this equation,” he said, gesturing between Harry and him with his wine glass. “And I don’t exactly have very good parenting examples to draw from.” 

“Do you want to be a father, though?” Harry asked quietly. 

Draco paused. He really had not considered it previously. “I really don’t know,” Draco replied, after some time. 

Harry rubbed his eyes, thinking through what he wanted to say. 

“I guess, for me,” Harry finally started. “I did want children. Or at least, growing up I always vaguely imagined they would be in my future, if I lived through the war and actually got to have one. When I was young and thought of adult life, I imagined being able to do everything for my kids that the Dursleys never did for me.” 

Draco looked at him with remorse in his eyes. “And did you feel like you gave that up when you committed to me?” 

Harry smiled, and leaned forward to stroke Draco’s thigh, pulling him into a brief kiss. 

“I never felt like I gave anything up to be with you. I felt like my life finally started when you first agreed to go out for dinner with me. Don’t think that. I guess what I was trying to say is that maybe you should really think about this. About the opportunity you’ve been given.”

Draco made a non-committal sound of agreement. 

“Hermione and Ron will be flexible. They will respect your wishes, you know that. If you said you didn’t want to take this on, didn’t want to be a father, they wouldn’t think any less of you. You know Ron wants to be a dad, and will be no matter what. It would make their little family easier, if you didn’t want anything to do with this. But at the end of the day, you did father this child, regardless of the circumstances. They just want what’s best for the child and for you, and what’s best for the child is for us to be sure of what we want. Not to confuse matters. I just wanted you to understand what you would be giving up, before you decide. It’s not something you can go back on, if you relinquish any responsibility to the baby.” 

“Harry,” Draco said, voice breaking. “I just don’t see how it could work. I don’t even know I’m in the right headspace for this. I barely even believe you want me, let alone a child. I’d just be in the way of their happy little family.” Draco looked away, looking downcast.

“I didn’t ask if it would work, I asked if you _wanted_ to be a father,” Harry said quietly, leaning forward to take Draco’s free hand. 

They sat in silence for a few more minutes, sipping wine, thinking things through. 

“I think… I think yes,” Draco finally whispered. “But I just don’t see how – ”

“Shhh,” Harry said, cutting him off, a smile breaking across his face which he was unable to suppress. “We don’t have to think about the all the details. Not right now. It’s enough to just know that you _want_ this. That’s all I needed to know. We’ll find a way, I promise.” Harry paused and looked around the room. He finally settled his eyes back to Draco. “But… But if you’re going to be a father, you need to decide to love yourself, too.” 

Draco looked at him sharply. “What do you mean?” 

“You can’t go on like this. Not working, hibernating, pretending like the world doesn’t exist. You need to find yourself again, Draco. You said you wanted to in the hospital that day. But since then things have just spiraled downwards again. You need to choose to _live_ , choose life.” 

Draco’s eyes filled with tears and he looked away. 

Harry sighed, and pulled Draco closer into him. “The baby deserves all of you, not the shell of you I’ve seen in the last four weeks. This baby will need you. Hell, I need you. I want all of you back Draco, the snarky, motivated, intelligent man I fell in love with.”

Draco fully started to cry then, and Harry just held him. 

“I don’t know where he’s gone,” Draco whispered. “I don’t know how to find him again.” 

“We’ll do it together, I’ll always support you no matter what. You just have to decide, in your own head, that you’re going to do this for you, that you want to be you again, and we’ll work it out. You’ve got to have hope.” 

 

-

 

 


	18. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the end dear readers. Thank you for coming on this journey with me, which has spanned many, many years of writing. The amount of time it's taken me to get to this stage is really quite shocking. I posted the first chapter on October 27th, 2012 over on Live Journal. Little did I know then that it would take me a further five years before I would finish this. I feel like the story and the characters grew and changed with me over the course of the years. During that time I moved from Australia to London where I lived for two years, and then back again, and you may see that influence cropped up into some of the story. This story is likely to be the last of my fanfiction that I will ever write, as I won't be starting any new projects, and existing ones which are unfinished will remain that way. I will continue to write but from now on I will only be writing original fiction. 
> 
> Thanks for reading, and as usual, please do tell me what you think of my work. If you've ever thought that maybe you might want to comment, now is the time given the story is complete. Thank you for reading, and if you've been a long time reader, thank you for staying with me over the years <3

Epilogue 

 

-

 

_Five years later…_

 

Draco finished writing the last few brew notes into the ledger, just as a chiming sound notified him the potion was ready. He moved back to the cauldron, and spent a few more minutes bottling it. 

He was satisfied with the final product at last, and was able to label and store it ready for the customer to collect tomorrow. It had been special ordered a week ago from Bulgaria, the customer having been unable to find a skilled enough brewer in the Balkans. He had a hunch that Viktor Krum may have had a hand in recommending Draco to the customer, but the customer had insisted it was because his reputation was wide-spread even into Europe. 

He still had a bit of a hard time believing and accepting such accolades. 

He sighed as he cleaned and packed away his instruments, ensuring everything was in order. The store assistant had gone home over an hour ago, as it was a Saturday and they closed from midday. He ensured all the windows and doors were locked and the other active potions were in a safe stasis or brewing phase, and then apparated away from _The Silver Vial_ for the rest of the day. 

He had started the potions lab a few years prior, after a few false starts at trying to find what he really wanted to do with his life. Harry had been right all those years ago, he had his whole life ahead of him and he needed to work out how he wanted to live it. It hadn’t been easy, especially in those first few months. He’d felt more like he was going backwards than forwards as his attempts just didn’t seem to fit. But finally, he’d decided that what he enjoyed doing the most should really fill his days, so with Harry’s support they had opened a potions lab. He hadn’t looked back since.

When he arrived at the gate to their home, he could see Harry was sitting on the porch, keeping watch. Draco smiled and started to move up the path towards him. What he wouldn’t give for a nice hot bath and a nice, _hot_ massage from Harry. He grinned cheekily and thought just maybe…

“DADDY!” shouted a bundle of silver hair, flying full pelt into him and knocking him over into the grass. 

“Woah,” Draco chuckled, just managing to catch her as she landed on top of him in a heap. 

“You’re home,” she beamed up at him, all big brown eyes and long blonde hair. She was only four and a half and already she knew how to get exactly what she wanted. It certainly helped that she had Draco wrapped around her little finger. 

“Yes princess,” Draco replied, “Did you miss me?” 

“So much, Daddy. Harry and I went to the park and we took Jacob with, but he chased all the ducks away so I couldn’t give them any bread crumbs!” she replied, looking at him with such a forlorn look, lower lip curving downwards. 

“Is that so? Naughty Jacob!” he laughed, and then tickled her so she couldn’t help but giggle, quickly forgetting that their cheeky Labrador had chased away all the birds. 

“And then Jacob had to have a bath, didn’t he?” Harry said, walking up to them and throwing himself onto the ground next to them. 

“He was so muddy Daddy! Mummy was soooo angry,” she giggled. “She wouldn’t let him back in the house until we gave him a bath. So I said I would do it!” 

“And after this supposed bath it was hard to tell who ended up with more mud all over them,” Harry added, re-starting the tickling all over again. “Cheeky monkey.” 

“Well it sounds like it’s been a very interesting morning,” Draco drawled in response. “I, for one, am glad to have missed out on all the mud,” he teased. 

Harry glared at him, a look that definitely meant his earlier thoughts of mischief had definitely just evaporated into fantasy. He sighed. 

“Harry, Draco, lunch is ready,” Hermione called from the kitchen. “Will you get Ron from the shed? He’s been tinkering with Merlin only knows what out there.” 

“Ron said he was going to make me a princess bed!” exclaimed the little bundle of blonde from between Harry and him. 

“Did he now,” Draco said, as he rose and pulled her up with him. “Well, I guess that’s only fair. A princess should have a princess bed. What about Hugo, do you think Ron will make a princess bed for him?” 

“Don’t be silly Daddy! Hugo’s a _boy_ , boy’s don’t get princess beds!” 

“Why ever not?” Draco replied, mocking affront. “I think I would have been quite happy with a princess bed at your age.” They had started walking towards the front door of the house. 

“I’ll bet,” Harry whispered behind him, too softly for their daughter to hear. 

“Hugo wants a racing car like what he watches with Harry on the telly.” 

“Telly, what is this telly thing you speak of,” Draco joked. “Muggle nonsense.” 

“Daaaaad,” she moaned, “you know what a telly is! You watch it every night!” 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” 

“Daddy, you’re so funny. But I love you.” 

“I love you too, Hope.” 

Hope flashed a giant smile at him, her little eyes alighting with joy. 

“There you both are,” Hermione exclaimed, as they came into the kitchen. She had three year old Hugo on her hip, her wand in the other hand directing a roast lunch onto the table which was levitating behind her. Draco turned around but Harry hadn’t followed him into the house, he must have gone to fetch Ron. 

“Hope, go wash up for lunch,” Hermione said. “I want to see sparkling clean hands before you come near the table!” 

“Yes Mummy,” she said, shooting Draco a cheeky grin. 

“You heard her,” he enforced, and she scampered off. 

“Hermione, this looks amazing,” Draco exclaimed. 

“I thought we could use a family lunch, it’s been a little while,” she smiled. 

“It’s lovely,” he said, kissing her cheek. 

Ron and Harry came into the kitchen then, and Hope came running back in, hands clean. 

As they all sat down to lunch, Draco couldn’t help but feel lucky. Their unconventional family might be strange to some, but it worked for them. Before Hope was born, the four of them had all sat down together to work out what they wanted to do. It had seemed logical that they all move in together, so that Hope could have both her parents at hand when growing up. They had even invited Neville to join them should he wish, but at the time he had started dating Healer Tempest, the assertive blonde from the paternity test, and so he had very reasonably decided to decline. A year later Neville even managed to find the nerve to pop the question to the feisty Healer, and a few years later had welcomed their own baby girl. 

Harry, Draco, Ron and Hermione had found a country manor not too far from Knebworth, in Hertfordshire, which had plenty of garden to play in and so many rooms to make into a home. Harry and Draco had their own space, and so did Ron and Hermione, with Hope in the middle. As she had grown, and their family had settled into life together, all four found their roles as parents to Hope. Ron and Harry were just as much her father as Draco was. 

And then three years ago Ron and Hermione had welcomed Hugo to the world, and their little family grew. 

As he looked at them all gathered around the table, he felt peace. He caught Harry’s eyes, which were radiating a particular glow at him. There was that spark, that intense, consuming love. 

Life was good. Life was perfect. 

And all because they had Hope. 

 

_The End_


End file.
